Are you, like most guys and mystified by the female body, secrets and orgasms? Would you like the ability to make a woman feel great every time you sleep together? Do you want to learn the simple sex secrets that so many men wish they had?
If so, then this this MASSIVE sex-package article is for you and you’ll learn how to put it all together for a night she’ll never forget! By the way, that includes YOU too.
Climax. The Big Bang. The Big “O”. Different terms, one meaning: orgasm. This is definitely one of the best things to experience in life. During orgasm, it’s as if time stands still. We become oblivious to anything else going on around us, even if it’s just for a moment. It’s not unlike being in a trance.
Men and women both love achieving orgasm and nothing can beat the feeling of simultaneously, or at least mutually, achieving orgasm during sex (even if one partner crosses over into that magical kingdom first). Mutual orgasm, however, can be quiet challenging for many couples, because of the inherent biological and emotional differences between men and women. In particular, men are able to more easily and consistently climax, which can’t be said for women in general. In fact, many women don’t even reach orgasm, at all, in many or most of their sexual encounters. The movie Short Bus, for example, tells the story of a woman who has never experienced orgasm and her journey toward the mythical Land of “O”. Because of this, many women fail to fully enjoy sex on a regular basis. And I think we need to do something about that, my brothers. Do you know why? Because when women have orgasms, they’re happy and when our women are happy, we’re happy too – especially when it comes to the bedroom.
Male sexual pleasure, due to biological and cultural realities, tends to be considered a given. Men expect to orgasm during a sexual encounter, no matter how fleeting. A lot of women don’t.
There are millions and millions of women walking around this very minute, who have never found a partner who’s willing to take the time to take their hands and lead them to the promised land of the elusive “O”. There are also millions and millions of men who haven’t really taken the time to learn about women’s bodies, in order to be prepared to do just that. Some of us even think that taking that time is somehow admitting that we’re failures as men. To be honest, I think the only time you fail “as a man” is when you don’t care. Giving a damn about your woman’s sexual experience with you means giving a damn about yourself. Sure that’s selfish, but its way less selfish than not giving a damn if she’s reaching climax during sex with you.
Is your woman one of those millions and millions? Maybe that’s why you’re reading this article. Hats off to you, sir. You’re finding out what you need to know to become the orgasm master you’ve always dreamed of being and that so many women dream of meeting. This article is for you. I’ll show you how to help your woman achieve orgasm not just once or twice, but every time you have sex. You can even help her achieve orgasm several times in one night, as many women are multi-orgasmic, but have never enjoyed sex with a guy who knows how to make that happen.
Contrary to popular belief, it’s possible for your woman to climax every time you make sweet love with her. Why not? Many women experience multiple orgasms while pleasuring themselves, but not while with their partners. The simple reason is that their partner hasn’t taken the time to really get to know her body and how to work with it to produce the ultimate sexual pleasure – orgasm. But when you’re done reading this article, you’ll be able to see for yourself that it’s not a mystery. It’s not brain surgery, or rocket science. You can make your sex life more fulfilling and more plentiful, by being the man who gets your woman off each and every time. That’s my mission and now it’s yours, too!
You may be shy. You may be the kind of guy who thinks it’s “just him”. But shyness and beating yourself up about not delivering on the orgasm front is a problem you can fix. It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It just means you need to do your homework. That’s how you get good at anything, right? Practice makes perfect and that applies to making sure your woman gets off when she’s having sex with you. Working with your partner and getting a handle on some simple knowledge, tips and techniques, you’ll be the Orgasmatron you were born to be before you even know what hit you. Your woman will thank you. You’ll thank yourself. The smiles on both your faces will be so blinding, people will need to wear shades when they cross your path.
Let’s take a little trip to the magical kingdom of “O” and find out how you can become your women’s very best friend in the sexiest and best way possible.
It’s pretty obvious that women and men aren’t the same in many, many ways. We’re shaped differently, for a start. Our principle hormonal makeup is different. Most importantly (for the purposes of this article) our genitalia is different.
But there’s a lot more to sex between men and women than just how our parts fit together. There’s way more to the project of being the bearer of good orgasms than biology, or inserting the key in the lock.
Human sexuality is as complex as the universe; as diverse as the planet we live on. When it comes to men and women, it can also be a strange and foreign land that we venture into with trepidation and outright anxiety. But it doesn’t need to be. You’re an adult, or you wouldn’t be reading this and adults aren’t afraid of the dark – or their sexuality.
While most of us love sex, it’s also true that most of us are a little neurotic about it at times. We all have our insecurities. We wonder if we’re man enough (or woman enough). As we’ve moved through our sexual histories, we’ve collected some baggage about it along the way and losing that baggage goes a long way toward enjoying a healthy, plentiful sex life.
As men, we wear what has been called the “gender straightjacket”. William Pollack, a doctor at the Centers for Men and Young Men says that men are brought up to conform to stereotypes that have very little to do with who we are as people. We’re expected to be “tough guys”, “driven”, “sexually potent”, “breadwinners”, “sports-obsessed”, “the boss” and even violent as natural features of being male. But not all men are created the same. We’re all as different as the stars in the sky. We all like different things and we’re all unique.
Part of our uniqueness is how we interact with the women in our lives. We’re not all the portrait of the sensitive male, but we’re also not all unfeeling baboons. If you’re reading this article, then you’ll know that you fall somewhere in the middle of those two extreme stereotypes of what it means to be a man. Most of us do, if the truth gets told. We not cartoon characters. We’re flesh and blood guys.
And I’m here to tell you the truth – women need orgasms as a part of sex, just as much as men do. But the problem, you see, is how women have been brought up.
Just like us, women are raised to have certain ideas about what it means to be a woman. The phrase “sugar and spice and everything nice” springs to mind. Women wear the “gender straightjacket” a whole different way. They’re expected to be “nurturing”, “gentle”, “soft”, “kind”, “deferential” and to smell nice at all times. They’re expected to remove as much of the hair that grows on their bodies (just like it does on ours), as they possibly can. Unless of course, that hair is on their heads and then, they’re expected to sport the long, flowing locks that signal to men they’re sexually available.
But they’re as unique as we are, gentlemen. Between the picture of model femininity and the “emasculating bitch” is where most women fall on the spectrum of what it means to be a woman. Women are just people like you and me, brothers. They’re just people with needs, sexual and otherwise.
Part of the gender straightjacket worn by women is that of being the sexual polar opposite of men. Men are told from the time they’re little boys that women need to be conquered, or tricked into sex (because they don’t really like it). Women, on the other hand are told to keep their eye on us, because we’re all (to a man), “out for only one thing”. We’re all the same. Beware. Sure we like sex. We’re raised to be hypersexual. We’re raised and socialized to believe we should be chasing it every ten minutes and that every woman we see, we should be trying to have sex with. We all know damned well, though, that there’s a lot more to us than that. Just like women, we’re multi-faceted individuals with many interests, besides sex. But, yeah. We’re horny!
So women are fighting a lot of stereotypes too and part of what happens in their sex lives because of those stereotypes is that they give up before they reach orgasm, when in bed with a male partner. They think we’ll get bored if it takes them too long and you know what, that’s true for some men. Not for you, though. You’re here because you’re not “that guy”. Right? Right!
They just give up and fake it. While it’s true that most women take much longer to orgasm than men do, there are reasons for that which have little to do with whether or not they’re enjoying themselves. One of those reasons is body image and the fear they’re not pleasing their partner. Another is the fear of boring you and the belief that she’s there to please you and her needs come second. That’s how women are raised. It’s what’s drilled into their heads from the time they’re kids. These are culturally imposed problems flowing out of a media obsessed with airbrushed perfection that women feel they need to live up to.
But the truth is that real men like real women and vice versa. We all like to look at pretty things, but when it comes down to it, sexual chemistry is about way more than the way people look. It’s got a lot to do exactly what I just wrote – chemistry. We can smell the attraction we feel to others, without knowing it. It draws us to them like a magnet. It may surprise us when we feel this happening. We can sometimes find that the people we like to look at aren’t really the ones we have the best sex with. It may seem bogus, but life has taught me that this is true.
Pretty ain’t everything and it’s temporary, too. Chemistry is pretty much forever.
What women need to figure out, though, is that when one of us is in bed with one of them – we’re there for a reason. We like what we see and are ready to get down with it. Our job is also to make sure she’s comfortable with us to the point she can let go. That means trust – and that’s something male stereotypes can get in the way of.
It’s not “weak” to care about how your woman feels. To be quite honest, it’s a matter of self-preservation! Do you think you’re going to have mind-blowing sex with someone who doesn’t trust you enough to hit that high note? Not likely, man.
You’re a man who wants to know what it takes to help your woman cross over into the land of “O”. That makes you a guy to be reckoned with and also a guy who’s going to rock her world in bed. So starting with an appreciation of the different struggles women have is key. You know what your struggles are as a man and expect her to know that, too. Do you pay the same kind of attention to her struggles; to her gender straightjacket?
Straightjackets are uncomfortable. They restrain us from doing what we want to do and from being who we are. One of the things they do, in terms of gender, is confine ourselves to traditional ideas about sex that aren’t true, or realistic. For you to be the captain of the Good Ship Orgasm, you need to bust out of that straightjacket, first and foremost and then help her out of hers. You both need to be aware of how stereotyping and society’s expectations of you sneak into the bedroom and put a damper on the fun you should be having there – both of you, together.
We are different in so many ways, but in other ways, men and women have a lot in common. One of those things is sexuality. Sexuality is based on communication, both sensory and intellectual. It’s about the whole person – not just your junk!
A four-letter word for sex? It ain’t the one you’re thinking (you dirty dog, you). It’s T-A-L-K. And not just dirty talk, either (although that there is so much fun, we’ll be talking about it a little later). Talk; communication is a cornerstone of good sex. A lot of guys are trained from infancy to suck it up. We’re taught that we’re not supposed to share what we’re thinking, or feeling. We’re just supposed to suck it all up and shut ourselves off, because we’re so damned tough. I call bullshit on that one, especially when it comes to keeping your woman satisfied in bed. Her satisfaction is your satisfaction; so take the time to open up your man vault. It won’t hurt a bit and you’ll feel not only better, but also like more of a man because you’re getting yourself free of all that crap we’re taught about how we should act, think and feel. Talk to your woman. Talk about sex. Talk about orgasm. Talk about how she likes to get there and how you can be there with her to enjoy it. Talk, just so we’re clear, is also a four-letter word for “orgasm”. It’s part of what you need to do to become the “O” master you know you can be.
Being present to each other’s differences, embracing and celebrating them is your launching pad to enjoying orgasms that shatter her, shatter you and help you play the music of the sexual spheres when you’re between the sheets, doing what comes naturally. It’s all brand new, but part of being a man is going on quests and odysseys and incredible, open, orgasmic sex with your woman is just one more manly quest you want to go on, or you wouldn’t be reading this.
Now let’s get down to the biological nitty gritty. What makes girlfriend tick – and cum?
PART 2: THE ANATOMY OF THE FEMALE ORGASM
Knowing what goes on with your woman’s body while making love, especially at the beginning of sexual pleasure, goes a long way toward helping her reach new heights of ecstasy. Consequently, it creates a deeper level of intimacy between the two of you. Pardon the pun, but cum to think of it, there’s more to her achieving orgasm than meets the eye. There’s a whole lot going on before making love, while making love and right before she gets there.
Orgasms flood her mind with so much sensory information, particularly from her genital regions and other parts of her body. The presence of so many – and I mean millions – of nerve endings on key parts of her genitalia and other parts of her body ensure that when properly stimulated and aroused, she’ll (pardon the pun again) cum to her senses.
Orgasms turn on her pleasure center and cause her mind to “lose it”, even for just a bit. This isn’t just an expression. In fact, a study from the University of Groningen (Netherlands) reports that as a woman climaxes in orgasm, the part of her brain that’s critical for controlling behavior – the orbitofrontal cortex – shuts down for a while. So orgasms quite literally make us lose control.
Another thing that happens to her brain as she achieves orgasm is that it is overwhelmed by powerful brain chemicals called oxytocin, which enable her to experience a sense of intimacy and connectedness. If you’ve ever wondered why women love to cuddle after sex, this chemical is the culprit. Unfortunately, testosterone seems to have a neutralizing effect on oxytocin, which may explain why men aren’t as emotionally attached to their sexual partners as women. No wonder men (in general) prefer not to cuddle after sex.
Women actually need oxytocin. That’s why they also need orgasms, just like men do. It’s not just that they feel delicious. They serve a real purpose in the health of a woman. These hormones serve to control the hormone levels in women’s bodies. Sometimes, her hormones can be out of balance because of a variety of factors, stress being one. When there isn’t enough oxytocin in a woman’s body, she runs the risk of becoming overweight, developing breast cancer and even becoming mentally ill.
So there you go. Your mission, in learning how to induce orgasms in your woman, consistently and plentifully, is a sacred one. By being the Orgasmatronic male, you are helping your woman stay as healthy and happy as possible. You’re not just making her feel good for the duration of her big bang event. You’re supporting her total health.
Hello, Dr. Feelgood! Now you’re cookin’ with gas.
So now that you know more about what really goes on with your woman when she achieves orgasm, you have all the more reason to do your best to help her experience that – multiple times, if possible – every time you and she make love.
THE PHYSIOLOGY OF FEMALE ORGASM
The first step towards helping your woman achieve orgasm, every time, is to know the body parts central to making orgasms happen. Unfortunately, the fact that women’s sexual organs are largely tucked away inside their bodies (unlike men’s, which are dangling around outside) make understanding their function and appearance a bit challenging for most men. An example of this is the mythological creature called the G-Spot. There are many people on both sides of the debate as to whether it actually exists (or not). The extent, to which you’re able to properly identify the critical sexual anatomy of your woman, is the extent to which you can successfully help her reach orgasm, each and every time.
Let’s start with the outside first. The parts of a woman’s sex organs that can been seen outside can be collectively labeled the vulva. Let’s look at these parts individually.
The mons pubis is a soft tissue area that’s normally covered by her pubic hair right above her genitals. The purpose of this area is to help absorb some of the shock that results from you thrusting your penis inside her vagina and your body coming into contact with hers.
The next parts of the vulva are two skinfolds called labia that surround her urethra (which she urinates with) and the vagina. The first set of skinfolds – the ones outside, which are covered with pubic hair – are called the labia majora or in English, major labia. Some of us affectionately call these “pussy lips”. In fact, that’s what the Latin word “labia” means – lips. These are comprised of fatty tissues that house oil and sweat glands. Those glands are what lubricates the vagina when aroused. These are also responsible for that particular, musky scent down under; a scent many men find sexually arousing.
The inner skinfolds are referred to as labia minora or minor labia. In most cases, they are much smaller and thinner than the major ones, on the outside. Another way they differ from the major labia is that the labia minora aren’t covered with hair and don’t have fatty tissues (hence the smaller and thinner size in most cases). When your woman is aroused, her labia minora swell up as blood rushes in and engorges them, in much the same way your penis hardens and becomes erect, when aroused. The minor labia become flushed with blood, so the color can actually be a pretty accurate indicator of your woman’s arousal.
After looking at her first lines of defense, the vulva, let’s take a look at one of the two sweet spots that, if you stimulate them correctly, will guarantee she’ll achieve orgasm whenever the two of you make love: the clitoris. This is one of the main sexual organs of your partner, and it’s located at the junction atop of the two sides of the labia minora. Although it may seem as small as a pea looking at it from the outside, that’s because it’s the only portion of the clitoris that’s actually visible. The truth is, the clitoris is a much larger organ, most of which surrounds the vagina from the inside. Most women believe that this is the main part of the vulva that’s responsible for sexual pleasure whenever their vaginas are stimulated or fondled. As such, it’s important to keep in mind that this is the easiest and surest way to help your woman climax in orgasm. Massaging not just that pea-sized area, but the labia can be extremely satisfying for your woman and help you get her closer to where she wants to go. It’s the pea-shaped part that’s the most sensitive, though.
Consider the clitoris to be the equivalent of your penis’s head. It’s composed of erectile tissues, and swells whenever it’s aroused sexually. It also contains a lot (millions, actually) of nerves, which makes it highly sensitive to touch or stimulation. Consider it to be the single biggest contributor to the sexual signals of pleasure sent to her brain. Like your penis, it also swells up in size the more sexually aroused she becomes.
Again, like the penis (an uncircumcised one at least), the clitoris is like Robin Hood – it has a fold of skin that covers its sensitive little head. This is pulled back as the clitoris swells up in arousal. A possible reason for this hood is to protect the clitoris from excessive stimulation, which can actually be more painful than pleasurable. As I said, we’re talking about millions of nerve endings in a woman’s genitalia and this little guy is ground zero for them.
The next part of the vulva we’ll talk about is the vestibule, which is a soft and smooth area in between the labia minora. Her vagina’s opening and the urethra outlet are located in this area. Speaking of the urethra, it’s also fairly sensitive to touch and can be another source of sexual stimulation to help her reach orgasm.
Next, the vagina itself. Contrary to popular opinion that it’s an open tube, it’s not. It’s actually two walls of muscle tissue that are parted with the entry of an external object such as a finger, your penis, tampon or a sex toy, among other things. Oh, and the exit of a new born baby, of course (as it’s also known as the birth canal)!
The vaginal muscular walls are the source of the fluids secrete to lubricate her vagina and allow for the frictionless and pleasurable entry of your penis, finger or sex toy. As with the penis, your woman’s vaginal muscular walls swell up during sexual arousal.
There are different beliefs about just how far into a woman’s vagina nerve endings for sexual arousal can be found. Some say it’s just along the first 1/3 of the vaginal canal. However, the discovery of what is known as the “A-Spot” or the anterior fornix spot, located relatively deep inside the vagina, may suggest that nerve endings are to be found beyond the first 1/3 of the vaginal canal. A counter claim to this would be that it’s possible vaginal pressure may indirectly stimulate the clitoral areas around the vaginal barrel, thus explaining the sexual pleasure “deeper within.”
Now comes one of the most controversial of all body parts ever known to women (or men) – the G-Spot or the Grafenberg Spot (named for its discoverer, German gynecologist, Dr. Ernst Grafenberg). Since the 1940s, doctors and scientists have worked to establish with certainty that the G-spot even exists. Some believe it to be an extension of the clitoris and have studied women who experience orgasm during intercourse, due to the stimulation of this area.
But as recently as 2009, doctors have taken some pains to ensure that women who don’t experience easy orgasms via intercourse aren’t led to feel somehow deficient because they don’t. So this area, while controversial and not conclusively established, may vary depending on the physiology of individual women. Because we’re not sure, though, I’m going to err on the side of orgasmic possibility and make sure we cover how you stimulate this.
Leave no orgasmic stone unturned, my brothers!
This spot is said to be found on the upper walls of your woman’s vagina – if she’s lying on her back – and about an inch or two within. This is one of the most sensitive parts of her vagina – the other one being the clitoris – and is also responsible for helping her achieve orgasm. Because this area is quite close to her vaginal opening, it’s possible for a shorter penis – as short as 3 inches – to give her an orgasmic sexual experience. It would do you well to find your woman’s G-Spot, so that regardless of your penis’s size, you’re guaranteed to help her reach climax. That’s if this works for your woman. It doesn’t work for every woman and you need to remember than while exploring, as well as the organ’s controversial nature.
PART 3: DIFFERENT KINDS OF ORGASMS
Now that you know the physiology of your woman’s orgasm, let’s take a look at the different kinds of orgasms you can help her achieve. Until now, you probably thought there was only one kind of orgasm, right? I thought so. Buddy, you’re missing out! Let’s take a look at them now.
CLITORAL ORGASM
This is the most commonly sought after variety of orgasm, this one is the Holy Grail and is probably the easiest to help her achieve. Clitoral stimulation during sex play can result in intense pleasure that starts from the clitoris and extends practically all over your woman’s body. The clit (a pet name by which this organ is known) is potentially the most sensitive area of your woman’s body because of the rich concentration of nerve endings in it. As a man, it would help you to think about putting all the nerve endings from your penis’ head on a pea-sized organ instead. It’s that nerve-concentrated and like said earlier, ground zero for a woman’s network of sexual response nerves!
The clit is crucial to your woman’s sexual pleasure to the extent that it’s almost always aroused sexually. The only thing left for discussion is the amount of arousal felt. Hence, this organ is very receptive to different kinds of touching although in varying degrees for every woman. Some women are easily aroused by any kind of touch. Some are even capable of reaching orgasm just by squeezing the muscles of the vaginal walls, or by walking down the street. The front seam in a pair of jeans or underwear is all it takes for such lucky women! For other women, more stimulation is needed. They may need more intentional and direct contact with the clit to reach orgasm. Some women’s clits are so sensitive that any direct contact can cause more pain than pleasure! These are women who need a gentle touch and a lot of lube (always keep some handy). Your mission then, should you choose to accept it, Agent Orgasmo, is to know your woman well enough in order to give her just the right amount of clitoral stimulation for maximum pleasure and ultimately, orgasm. Won’t getting to know her really, really well be loads of fun? Oh yes. It will!
GETTING THERE IS HALF THE FUN
You can give your woman clitoral orgasms several ways. One is orally, i.e., cunnilingus, or licking her. Run your tongue’s tip gently across her clit and adjust the pressure, speed and placement of your tongue according to her moaning and other reactions. Trust me, you’ll know if you’re pressing your tongue too vigorously or too softly on her clitoris. Experiment. Just make sure to pay close attention. You can run your tongue’s tip across her clitoris in a figure-8 manner. You can also simply lick it upward like licking an ice cream. Tickle one side, then they other. Insert it in the opening to her vagina and run it along the labia minora. Vary what you’re doing, until the point of no return and then pay close attention to the sounds and movements of your woman. It’s your call and that call will become more accurate as you get better at gauging her response. Aside from the amount of pressure, you can also increase or decrease the pleasure by adjusting the speed at which you run your tongue across her clit. You can also very gently suck it and while doing that, tickle it with your tongue (keep your teeth away from this very sensitive little fella, though – you don’t like teeth either, right). Brother, you won’t believe the amount of sexual pleasure you’ll be able to give her by knowing how to give good head (and just how wet she can get). If you get this right, you will be her king!
Another way you can help your woman achieve orgasm, is by letting your fingers do the walking. Start stimulating her clit lightly until she’s all wet and wild. When she is, adjust the pressure and speed accordingly, based on how she reacts and moans. Again, pay close attention to your woman because it can be uncomfortable – painful even – if you overdo it. For an even greater turn on, why don’t you ask her to show you how she masturbates or touches herself. This has the benefit of turning both of you on as well as letting you know how to fondle her clit optimally to give her a great orgasm. Remember that some women are more shy than others about demos like this, but with time, she may just offer, as she comes to know that Agent Orgasmo means business (and aims to please.
Do it right and you give your woman a great way to prep for an even bigger bang with the next orgasm.
VAGINAL ORGASM
This variety of orgasm starts from (where else) her vagina. From there, it might be contained within the lower stomach and pelvic areas or perhaps even spread out over her entire body. Her anus, pelvic muscles and uterus may contract as she achieves vaginal orgasm. Beware though – this can be a very strong orgasm and may even expel anything that is stimulating her vagina. Compared to clitoral orgasm, this one feels deeper but less intense. It can also take much longer to happen. On average, it’s believed that women take anywhere from 20 to 25 minutes of stimulation before experiencing vaginal orgasm. But if she’s already experienced clitoral orgasm during foreplay, it may happen much sooner than expected. As said earlier, after the first orgasm, the rest come along much more easily, due to her heightened sensitivity.
Often, the best way to work with your woman toward a vaginal orgasm is by thrusting your penis in a rhythmic fashion. But the best way to find out the rhythm and angle work is by communicating openly with each other. Many women experience vaginal orgasm more readily, while lying on their sides, with the man entering from behind and only inserting his penis partially. By observing your woman’s reactions, you can use this technique to locate the most sensitive portion of her vaginal wall and know how to find the sweet spot, every time. The more you know, the better an orgasmic experience you can help her achieve.
G-SPOT ORGASM
Just like the vaginal orgasm, this one may take some time to achieve, but it’s well worth the time and effort as many women claim that of all orgasms, this one’s the most special and sensually, the deepest. It’s the kind of orgasm that can make their pelvic area and lower stomach feel like they’re “exploding” and feel as though a crashing, roaring tsunami of pleasure has blown them away to the point they become completely unaware of what’s going on around them for the duration of the orgasm! It’s that intense! No wonder it’s also known by some as the “leg shaker”!
Obviously, the key to giving your woman this kind of mind-blowing orgasm is the G-Spot, which we identified earlier as being located about 2 to 3 inches inside your woman’s vagina. One of the most popular methods of finding the “spot” is by inserting your finger in her vagina up to about 3 inches while she’s lying on her back. Curl your finger as if motioning her to “come here” and look for a spot that feels like bean-shaped bump. Make no mistake about it; you’ll know it when you find it based on your woman’s reaction.
Once you’ve located the G-Spot, you can use your finger to make her cum like Mount Pinatubo or angle your penis so that it touches her there. The finger is often the easiest way of giving her this kind of orgasm, though, at least until you have a better idea what you’re doing. Once you’ve found the right area, you’ll know what to do when you use your penis to help get her to the G-Spot orgasm.
Remember guys, this area is scientifically disputed. If your woman says it ain’t happenin’, it ain’t. But now you know there’s more than one way to bake a cake, so don’t let that slow you down. Find the method that works best for her.
SQUIRTGASM
Better known as the female ejaculation or squirting orgasm, this one’s quite difficult to achieve for several reasons. One of these reasons is that it requires your woman to be EXTREMELY comfortable with you. Like the G-Spot, it’s important to remember than not all women have this type of orgasm. Be sure to be sensitive enough not to make her feel like there’s something wrong with her because this doesn’t happen. All the same, it’s worth a try, if she’s willing to explore with you and willing to give it a go.
Your woman can experience this kind of orgasm when you stimulate her G-Spot, which can cause her to feel as though she’s urinating. Squirting may therefore involve urination during orgasm. The jury is out as to whether or not squirting is really ejaculation or orgasmic “peeing”. Nonetheless, some women enjoy this variety of orgasm. The important thing to note is that squirting isn’t common and that you shouldn’t pressure your woman to squirtgasm for that reason. One size does not fit all and that’s OK. Everyone’s put together a little differently and that’s not something you or your woman has any control over.
A-GASM
More popularly known as the A-Spot or Anterior Fornix Orgasm, it’s achieved by stimulating – surprise, surprise – your woman’s A-Spot! Unlike the G-Spot, which is located closer to the vagina’s opening, the A-Spot is located deep inside her vagina – up to 5 inches deep within the front wall where the G-Spot is also said to be located.
You can help your woman achieve an a-gasm in two ways. First is by hand, similar to how you proceeded with the G-spot. But this time, you need to go deeper – as deep as your fingers can go in. The other way is thrusting into her deeply but quickly while in the missionary position, i.e., her lying on her back, with you on top.
DEEP-GASM
This kind of orgasm – also called the Deep Spot or Posterior Fornix Orgasm – is one of the most intense forms of orgasm your woman can experience. In fact, some women feel as if they’re having anal sex (which, once more, is not for everyone)! It’s achieved by stimulating the deepest end of her vagina, right where the vagina stops and the cervix begins. Because not a lot of men – and even women – are aware of this area and how it can be instrumental in creating orgasms, few women ever experience this intense variety of orgasm.
So how do you do it for your woman? Use your fingers as you would for the G and A-Spots, motioning “come here”, alternating between short and long strokes. Keep in mind, though, that since this sensation is foreign to most women, she might find it uncomfortable at first. Don’t force her if she doesn’t like it. Remember – it’s her orgasm, not yours. Also keep in mind that the cervix is right there. This may contribute to any discomfort she experiences when tries this. Remember that the cervix is the opening to the womb and discomfort is a warning that you’re getting too close to a very sensitive area that is also vulnerable to infection.
As always, remember to wash your hands, dudes!
THE U-GASM
Commonly known as the U-Spot Orgasm, this one’s achieved simply by stimulating a tiny area of sensitive tissue above your woman’s urethral opening, which is right smack between her vagina and urethra. You can do it 3 ways: cunnilingus, finger or your penis’ tip. It’s similar to stimulating the clitoris for a clitoral orgasm. Remember: if going for this one manually, or with your penis, use a little lube. Everything is sexier (and more comfortable for everyone involved) with lube.
OTHER, NON-GENITAL ORGASMS
Yes, you read that right! Orgasms aren’t just limited to your woman’s genital area. There are other areas of her body that can you can call on to help you help her experience intense pleasure and orgasm! One of these areas is her breast. That’s because her nipples are connected to her genital areas’ nerves, through the complex network of super sexy nerves in a woman’s body. For this reason, many women feel a direct sensation in their clits as their nipples are stimulated. However, this sensation may not be common for all women because they have different levels of nipple sensitivity.
The mouth can also be a very sexually arousing area for some women because the mouth plays a significant part in their nervous system that’s related to sexual pleasure. It’s known that some women can experience orgasm simply by performing oral sex and kissing. They describe it as an arousing sensation that starts from their mouths, goes to their genitals and then, all over. Yes, it’s possible for both of you to come while she’s giving you a blowjob. Definitely a win-win situation. Just keep in mind that this isn’t common for all women, so don’t insist that it should work for her and respect her choice if she doesn’t want to try it, OK?
The skin, in general, can also be a very sensual organ. Some women experience skin-gasm (skin orgasm) simply by being massaged sensually in areas that aren’t directly connected to the nervous system responsible for sexual pleasure. Get to know your woman well and who knows, maybe you’ll figure out what parts of her body can be massaged to result in orgasm. And think of all the fun the two of you will have exploring and experimenting!
BRAIN-GASM
Lastly, your woman can experience brain-gasm, also known as mental orgasm, which can be achieved through auditory and visual stimulation like watching two people have sex live, porno movies (which we’ll talk more about later in the article) or even sexual talk or chat. In such cases, the sheer amount of intense sexual excitement can be enough to make her cum! This can prove to be very useful for distance sex, e.g., phone sex.
Experimenting with Brain-gasm is also a great way for you to test-drive your dirty talk. Call her and see just how hot you can get her over the phone, without even touching her. Your gift of the gab is one you can develop to become a finely tuned orgasmic instrument, Agent Orgasmo! We’re going to cover some tips on that, later in the article and help you step up your smut talk game.
PART 4: (BE)FORE PLAYING – PRIMING HER FOR THE BIG BANG
There’s a popular frame of mind about sex that says the most important thing is to finish strong! Men who think that way probably haven’t talked to a woman concerning the value of great foreplay in terms of helping her achieve orgasm every time. Most men want to go the wham-bam-thank-you-Ma’am route, but for many women, slow-cookin’ it is the way to go. According to psychosexual therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Ed.D, women need foreplay more than men because women need more time to be aroused enough for orgasm.
Consider one of the basic differences between men and women. All most men can have to do to become aroused to the point of popping a boner is to think about sex. It isn’t that easy or simple for most women. In fact, most women are more like diesel engines that need time to warm up. Of course, there are exceptions to rule and so, there are some women who, like men, have only to think about sex to become aroused and lubricated. As always, one size does not fit all!
What is true is that women tend to be more emotional about sex in comparison to men (see Part 1). Successfully helping your woman achieve orgasm isn’t just about physically stimulating the right glands and organs – it’s also about stimulating her mind and heart. Foreplay helps you do that because it can perform both an emotional and physical function, which helps your woman prepare her whole person for sex – body, mind and soul. Many women – possibly including yours – want to be caressed, hugged, kissed and talked to in ways that can help lubricate her more in order to have a very pleasurable sexual encounter with you. It’s worth the time it takes to move her toward intercourse by engaging in extended foreplay. You’ll find that this way of making love has its rewards for you, too.
FOREPLAY AND HER ORGASM
As you learned in an earlier chapter, the clitoris is crucial for helping your woman come every time. Foreplay can help prime up her clitoris for the big bang, as it’s basically the female version of your penis. For your woman to experience an orgasm, her vagina must be well lubricated and her clitoris must be erect with the blood flows into it during arousal. For these two things to happen, you must be able to pleasure her well.
As I said earlier, women are more than just physical beings, particularly when it comes to sex. They’re more holistic in their approach to sex, as generally compared to men. One of the biggest factors for her to achieve orgasm during sex is feeling that you really want or desire her. No amount of physical stimulation will work if you don’t make her feel like the sexiest woman on earth. Compare that to most men (who need very little encouragement to become aroused and reach orgasm). Most women need emotional stimulation too.
Foreplay can help you make her feel the way you need her to feel for a mutually pleasurable sexual experience. Why? For one, foreplay is about exploring her as a whole and not just her vagina. The wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am approach to quickie sex simply tells her she’s just an instrument for you to get your nut off. Foreplay tells her you’re not in a hurry and that you want this to last for as long as possible because there’s too much of her that you want to experience and explore. Taking this approach makes her feel very much desired…and aroused.
FOREPLAY FOR THE BIG BANG
One of the best ways to approach foreplay is to start even before you reach the bedroom. If you’re planning to make love to her tonight, you can start as early as the morning by priming her mentally, with a little sexy talk. No, I don’t mean talking to her disrespectfully like “Yo, bitch! I’m gonna screw you so hard tonight you won’t know what hit your pussy!” No, no, no! “Talking dirty” for purposes of foreplay isn’t about demeaning your woman…it’s about exciting her. It’s about priming her pump with the promise of a night of erotic pleasure.
So how do you talk dirty the right way? Part of sexual arousal comes from the anticipation of the act – and this requires you to be a bit vague to pique her interest. For example, you might want to try texting her this in the morning:
“I love your dress today. It makes me wanna…hmmm…later, babe.”
What you did by texting her something like that, is give her the idea that the way she’s dressed today makes you horny – but she can’t be sure because you weren’t direct with her. And subconsciously, that leaves her wondering: “Did I just turn him on or is he just teasing me?” That small, unanswered question will linger throughout the day. And you should ride that momentum by pouring more gasoline on the fire:
“Don’t make plans for tonight. I have one for us already.”
“Hmmm…can’t get you out of my head. You naughty girl you.”
“Make sure you clock off work on time…earlier if possible. I’m excited to…”
You get the drift. Stoke the fire with subtle innuendoes and double entendres.
And when you’re finally together in bed, tell her what you plan to do as you gently caress her all over. She’ll be good and ready by the time you get to kissing, which is the next step in your foreplay strategy.
For men, kissing is more like a segue way to The Show! But kissing is an important prelude to moving toward that. For women, kissing means so much more. I can personally attest to that. My wife tells me she gets turned on more when we passionately kiss first before doing other foreplay stuff. And believe me, she walks her talk. I guess this is because most women are more emotional about sex than most men and nothing speaks more eloquently to emotional connection and passion than passionate, deep, soft kisses. They’re nothing like a good necking session. In fact, you can give your woman cunnilingus, but she won’t feel as connected to you as if you put her tongue skillfully in her mouth. That’s how powerful a foreplay tool passionate kissing is. So the next time you’re tempted to skip the kissing part, don’t! Believe me, it’s worth spending the time on and your reward for that extra attention will be the kind of sex that blows the top of your head off.
After your mouth and lips, your hands are next up to prime her for the big bang. Touch is one of the most important and effective tools in a guy’s toolbox. Learning how to touch in the right way will pay huge sexual dividends.
EROGENOUS ZONES
Erogenous zones are areas of our bodies which, when touched, arouse us. These can be parts of your body and hers you never dreamed could be responsible for setting you off the way they do. The inside of her forearm is one almost sure fire that will respond to your gentle, sensual touch by arousing her. This part of her arm is even softer than most parts of her body and full of nerve endings and blood vessels. Stroke it when she’s least expecting it and hear her gasp.
The neck, jawline and ears are also areas that are commonly erogenous in women. A gentle touch in these areas can send shivers down her spine, just as hand gently resting on her hip, running your finger down the back of her knee, or placing the flat of your hand on her belly probably will as well. As you get your manual mojo working, try a number of different approaches. Remember that the element of surprise is always recommended. Touch that’s not expected can be the most sensual touch of all.
HEAVY PETTING
As you move from her erogenous areas to those more closely associated with sexual arousal (the breasts and genitals), your hands will talk even more loudly. Gently skimming the flat of your around across one or both of her nipples will have them erect instantly. Taking one of her nipples gently between your thumb and forefinger and then releasing almost immediately will have her begging you not to stop. Paying extra special attention to her sensitive breasts, while talking about how splendid they are, will have her limp in your arms and ready for you to move your busy little hands where they’re going to continue the process of driving her wild with desire and toward her first orgasm of the night.
Caress her ass; cup it with one or both of your hands. Squeeze and pinch it, your fingers moving ever nearer to the holy of holies. Make her wait a little while. This will drive her absolutely nuts. Just as she thinks you’re going to take that plunge, pull back to her delightful booty and keep her on the edge.
When the moment’s right, gradually move your attention to her genitals, holding your hand over them, as if warming them. Kiss her deeply as you do this. Then, with all the knowledge you now have of her sex organs; gently begin to work on them, starting on the labia, running your fingers up and down them. This won’t be a challenge, as she’ll be very lubricated by this point.
If you use your fingers well and fondle her the right way, she’ll be ready for some gentle genital probing and penetration. She’ll be slick and wet and even hungrier to have you inside her, especially if she’s getting to the point of experiencing her first orgasm of the night by way of your gently probing fingers. If you’re doing all you should be, this will happen soon, if it hasn’t already. Remember to keep it gently, slow and sensual.
Continue building up the sexual pleasure pressure by keeping her on edge with your fingers. Place one or two of them inside her already wet vagina, thrusting in and out while using your free thumb to simultaneously (but gently) rub her clit. Better wear your earplugs, because you might go deaf from the sounds of the wild, unhinged pleasure this will provoke.
Next, if you want to be sucked, you better know how to give your woman a great oral job too. Use your tongue well and go for the gold…her clitoris. Use a figure-8 motion or straight lick upwards…it’s up to you. Change the pressure and the pace, bringing them down as she’s close to climaxing to bring her down. Then, increase the pressure and pace again to bring her arousal level back up. Doing this will tease her so much she’ll go nuts with the pleasure and its intermittent withdrawal. If she hasn’t already come, she most definitely will now, because your fingers are doing the walking. In fact, her orgasm will be even more intense if she has come once (or even twice) before the final act.
ANTICIPATION…EXPLOSION
Foreplay can be judged as a success or a bust in one word: anticipation. If you become a master of this, you’ll be able to build up so much anticipation that when she comes, it’ll be like having an atomic bomb – or bombs – go off in bed. Anticipation builds tension, which arouses her even more and will eventually make her come explosively!
You should keep in mind that announcing every move you plan to execute in the bedroom isn’t building anticipation – it’s killing it. Anticipation entails a great degree of excitement and for women, sexual excitement requires some level of ambiguity that keeps them guessing about what’s next. Women are as sexually adventurous as they’re cued to be by their partners. It’s your job to join her in that love of adventure and foster and encourage it. Being too forward or direct kills anticipation and consequently, excitement. When excitement goes out the window, her chances of going orgasmic later in the bedroom can take a nosedive too. Remember to build the intensity, withdraw, change tactic and move back in, over and over again. This will drive her absolutely nuts and result in orgasms she’ll never forget.
Earlier, I mentioned that talking dirty is one of the best ways to prime your woman for the Big Bang. In this chapter, we’ll take a detailed look at how to do it and do it right.
BE SEXY
It’s easier to describe how to be sexy by giving you an idea of what it means to be NOT sexy. Don’t be too aggressive, insensitive, awkward or creepy.
Let’s look at being too aggressive. What I mean by this is going straight to sexual talk without preparing your woman for it. When you’re too aggressive, you emit an exceedingly and excessively strong sexual vibe that is aggressive and not at all attractive. In fact, a lot of women find this really threatening. For example, telling your woman “I wanna fuck the lights out of you later tonight!” is obviously too brusque and aggressive. Aggressive doesn’t mean brusque or rough. It simply means taking the lead and not being intimidated. If you’re too aggressive, scale back on the forcefulness by becoming more playful and funny to make her feel at ease with you and to ensure she’s comfortable and not feeling threatened. A playful man is sexy to woman. A sexually aggressive man is not, especially when he appears to be on a mission to get up her skirt! Let your true sexiness shine through and make her more and more open to your advances. Your advances should definitely include talking dirty.
Being insensitive means not being able to discern how and when to talk dirty to your woman. You can unwittingly transmit an ill-timed “baboon” vibe. For example, shifting your conversation to sex – however subtly – when she’s pouring her heart out to you because she feels bad about being reprimanded by her boss earlier at work is a very clear example of being insensitive.
You can remedy this by sincerely apologizing for the ill-timed dirty talk – if she complains of your insensitivity – or by simply shifting attention from it with a really funny joke if she didn’t explicitly express her displeasure. Careful with the joke you choose, though! You might exacerbate the situation. Err on the side of making a joke about what you said. Then, tell her she’s so attractive to you that you get ahead of yourself sometimes; that you can’t keep your hands off her. She’ll find this irresistibly endearing.
A natural consequence of being insensitive is being awkward, which makes you appear weak and yes, creepy (as noted below). When you say the wrong thing at the wrong time, you kill the vibe and make it uncomfortable for both of you to be together, at least temporarily. And that isn’t sexy at all.
Lastly, being creepy is – well – pretty much self-explanatory. As with awkwardness, your creepiness is not an attractive or desirable vibe. Don’t be creepy if you want to be sexy.
Some guys are not that clear about what the word “creepy” means. Some of us confuse it with the word “sexy”. We think that by displaying certain behavior, we’re turning women on, or paying them a compliment. But being creepy is not going to win you any points with any living woman. In fact, being creepy is about the worst thing a dude can be.
Don’t stare. Staring at a woman for long periods of time, even if you know the woman – even if that woman is your wife – is creepy. It’s disturbing, off putting and makes her feel like you’re stripping her naked with your eyes. Staring is rude. Don’t do it.
Nervousness or tentativeness. She won’t like this at all. Be confident. You’re an Orgasmatron. You don’t need to be nervous or unsure, because you know what you’re doing. You’re not afraid of women, so why act like you are? They say fear is the root of hatred, so acting nervous or unsure around your woman will set her alarm bells ringing. Nervousness can also signal to your woman that you’re having an affair (or just thinking about it). Women are intuitive creatures and highly skilled in the art of interpretation. Don’t send the wrong message by being nervous.
When talking that talk, remember who you’re talking to. Calling her a bitch (unless you’ve discussed it beforehand and are in the midst of a particularly hot role play – which we’ll discuss later on), is going to get you in a big heap of trouble, unless you preface that word with “hot, horny”, or “sexy”. See how it works? It’s all about context and timing.
All the sexual prowess in the world is not going to work for you if you say the wrong thing at the wrong time (or even at the right time, depending on the occasion). Keep it dirty, but keep it respectful. That’s what keeps it hot. Using a word like the one shown above can be threatening for women in the wrong context. Using it makes you sound angry and abusive and there’s nothing creepier than that. Substitute “I’m going to fuck the shit out of you”, for “I can’t wait to slide my cock in and out of you, over and over again”. Still dirty, right? Just not creepy. Sexy.
Sexting is popular these days, but your woman will be even more turned on by dirty talk straight from your lips to her ear. Maybe she’s brushing her teeth and you walk up behind her and tell her how great her breasts look in the blouse she’s wearing. You might add that you’re looking forward to seeing them later in the day, as you brush your nose against her ear, sending a thrill right up and down her spine. That could be followed up with a text or a call, to reinforce the message you’ve already started to give her. You could say you’ve been thinking about her breasts all day and that you can’t wait to fondle them. That’ll get her going.
If you’re creepy, awkward or both, you’ll need much work. Learn the art of how to talk to women the right way; the sexy way. One highly recommended resource that’s worked for me is David de Angelo’s Double Your Dating and Attraction Isn’t a Choice programs. There, you’ll learn how not to be awkward or creepy and to model the right amount of aggression, in the right contexts and get the results you’re hoping for.
IN THE BEGINNING…KEEP IT SUBTLE
Unless you’re sure that your woman is already sexually stoked, you’ll need to start off very subtly and up the ante slowly, like a diesel engine (chugga chugga, chugga chugga). One of the best ways to do this is with funny double entendres. These can keep her guessing about what you really mean and help build up her anticipation and excitement. Uncertainty is key, because if she chides you for being a pervert, you can appeal to the other meaning of what you said and turn the accusation back at her in a funny way, which sets off a spiraling cycle of dirty talk.
The sexual innuendo is a time-honored art form. The French phrase “double entendre”, means “double intention”. What you say can be taken two ways. You can throw these out at any time. Just look for the right opportunities. There are no rules about double entendres, but you don’t want to make them a way of life. Strategically placed sexual innuendo can be really funny, playful and hot. Let’s look at a few examples.
The classic “If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me”, is one of my personal favorites. While apologetically noting that the woman you’re saying it to has a pleasing form (“hold it against me” meaning “hold a grudge” or “be offended” in the first sense). At the same time, the naughty suggestion that you’d like to embrace her is clear (“would you hold it against me” meaning her body). It’s such a famous double entendre that it’s funny if you roll it out, as it’s such an old clunker. The corny aspect of this one will endear you to any woman, instead of pissing her off. Just don’t say it to someone you’re sitting next to on the bus unless you know her well. We don’t want any needless violence.
You can even have fun with the word, “innuendo”, itself. If you’re familiar with the television show “Scrubs”, you’ll know about Dr. Todd Quinlan and his penchant for sexual innuendos. Usually, they’re not that great, but his interpretation of the word is too good not to share with you – “in-your-end-o”. This is so clumsy and dorky, your woman will probably fall off her chair, laughing. You can throw it into a conversation on the subject, or even employ it while driving as a response to the behavior of other drivers, while going out for the evening. See? It’s fun! Dorky and corny is way better than creepy and the geeky employment of somewhat clumsy innuendo can have your woman laughing her ass right off. Women love to laugh and if you can make them do that, you’re well on your way to skipping over the border to the magical kingdom with her, hand in hand.
While there are no hard, fast rules about sexual innuendo, not pounding them home too hard, or shoving them down people’s throats, is the best way to stay on top of the art form. When you’ve become a master of this game, you’ll cleave to it, with abandon. As you penetrate its limitless pleasures, you’ll find yourself deeper and deeper in its use. You see? You already know how to do it. It’s just a matter of recognizing the opportunities when they present themselves and exploiting them for your woman’s amusement! It’s lots and lots of fun for you and your woman.
Dirty talk is a fine line to walk, so don’t go too far, too fast. Good dirty talk is not just for the purpose of turning you on. You want to turn your woman on. When you’re both feeling horny, everybody’s happy when you get down to business. Not keeping that in mind is kind of creepy. I mean, if you’re just talking to dirty to get yourself ready, you may as well go it alone, right? It takes two to tango, so put the needle on the right vinyl.
Avoid language that women find violent, like “smashing”, or “banging”. You are not the Hulk (even if you think you are). Words like these send the wrong message about your attitude toward sex. While they have a place in certain context and settings and with women who like a certain kind of dirty talk, avoid them if you’re not sure. “Fucking” and “screwing” are much better words where women are concerned. Do not smash, Hulk! Do not destroy the vibe!
Men tend to be visually stimulated more easily than women are, generally, but women respond more to what they hear. They’re also much more imaginative than men (admit it guys, they have us beat in this department). That means, they don’t need the visuals as much as we do. While we love to see women in fancy, sexy lingerie, women are not as responsive to that kind of thing, by and large. Mileage may vary, though. We’re all different and we’re all individually wired. Some women love to see men wearing sexy briefs and respond to all manner of sartorial male elegance (uniforms and tuxedoes are only two examples of what a lot of women like to see us wear). Some men will find women talking dirty really hot. As a matter of fact, I’d be willing to bet that most of us would like the women we’re sexing up to be much more forthcoming with the dirty talk.
So encourage your woman to join in the fun. Sex and the smutty talk that goes with it can be liberating for women. Women are expected to conform to certain standards, as we know. But with their lovers, they can cut loose and be as dirty as they like, because in the erotic world, those standards don’t exist (or at least they shouldn’t). Get a two-way erotic conversation going. This will bring you closer together and bring her closer to the mythical Land of “O”. Tell her what you’re going to do with her body and encourage her to tell you what she’d like you to do. Also, she can tell you what she’s going to do with yours.
You can even reference a recent session that had you both hotter than Georgia asphalt! It doesn’t hurt to remind her of what you’re capable of; to draw her mind back to that hot moment between you and make her hungry for more. Talk about seeing her breasts moving just above your face and how you love sucking them. Talk about how she looks when you’re gazing down on her as you’re making love. Just keep it hot and centered on how sexy she is, how much you love being in bed with her and how ready you are to go the next round. This will keep her on her toes until the moment comes.
GET PHYSICAL – WELL, JUST A BIT
Women love to be touched. It makes them feel connected to their lovers and adored. In the realm of the senses, touch is a powerful one for women, especially when you’re setting the scene. Physical touch is very important when it comes to seduction – the right amount and type, at least. When you find that you and your woman’s sexual banter is already escalating, you can turn up the heat even more with light and playful touches on her elbows, sides (as if tickling) and legs. Gently running the tips of your fingers down the inside of her forearm, or even guiding her through the doorway with your hand gently, but firmly placed in the small of her back are hot tickets, too. Wherever you touch her, making eye contact as you do so that’s friendly and flirtatious will get her going. The key is that your touch should be ambiguous enough to keep her wondering if your intent is sexual, or not. This can work to intensify the anticipation building up in her, which is very useful toward her reaching orgasm, later on.
HEAT IT UP
Only when you’re able to get the ball rolling at a good clip should you make the dirty talk even dirtier and hotter. As mentioned earlier, you can’t just talk sex, right off the bat – at least as far as your woman is concerned. You need to first connect with her and gradually build up anticipation and excitement. Don’t be a jackass about it. There’s a fine line between sexy talk, obscenity and being so creepy you turn her right off.
BRING OUT THE HEAVY ARTILLERY
Now that things have reached “muy caliente” levels, it’s time to get really sexual. When your woman’s already aroused by your banter, it’s time to take control and bring out the big guns of dirty talk.
How do you do it? Get a really dirty and tell her what you plan to do with her – explicitly! By this time, you have permission to be graphic and it won’t come across as creepy, awkward, insensitive or too aggressive. Saying anything less won’t cut it, anymore! Tell her how much she turns you on; how you plan to make her come and that she can count on experiencing the Big Bang at least once. Speak slowly, in a low steady tone. If you’re in public (the grocery store, the line up at the bank), whisper what you have to say in her ear. The thought that others may overhear you will drive her wild. Tell her you can’t keep your eyes off her ass and that you’ve noticed other men taking it in, too. While a lot of women find it tedious to be continually gawked at, they want to hear that you understand they’re attractive to other men. This sends the message that you appreciate the fact she’s chosen to be intimate with you and not them.
By telling her right things at the right time and with the right sexual tension, you’re prepping her for a really good climax – hopefully, more than one.
KABOOM!
PART 6: MORE TIPS FOR GETTING HER READY FOR THE BIG “O”
Now that you’ve primed her for an orgasm (or orgasms), let’s look at several other things you can do to supplement the foreplay techniques from the previous chapter to maximize the anticipation factor, which is crucial to her experiencing peak sexual pleasure.
HAPPY FEET
No, I ain’t talking the CGI animated movie. I’m talking about making her feet (and her, eventually) happy by warming them up. Ever noticed how women in general love to place their cold feet in between their men’s legs to warm them up? If anything, warming up her feet can make her comfortable physically, especially when she’s naked in a cold room. In turn, this contributes to her becoming more aroused – aroused enough to achieve orgasm later on.
You may balk at this idea but check out a study from the University of Groningen in Denmark. The results of this study concluded that, on average, the probability of women experiencing orgasm during sex goes up by about 30% when men take steps to warm up their feet!
You may be thinking of letting her keep her socks on to make sure her feet are warm – and there ain’t nothing wrong with that. However, you may want to consider a sexier alternative – one that makes her feel connected to you. One such alternative is to give her a foot massage – concentrating on the pads and webbings of her toes. Make a point of ritually washing her feet, gently and tenderly. Then, use a warming gel or, better yet, a scented massage oil. Take your time, massaging this into her feet, lingering over them and remarking on how beautiful they are. Apply enough oil to leave the feet reasonably slick to facilitate extended massage.
If reflexology charts are to be believed, the webbings are connected in some way to her genitals by four specific pressure points. But the big toe is also known to be a direct pathway to the female genitalia. Gently massaging your woman’s big toes may, then, stimulate her beyond your wildest imaginings. Take the big toe and roll it between your fingers, to trigger a pressure point connected to her genitals.
There’s a reason why women often reference their toes curling in delight when they reach orgasm. There’s a direct connection between their pleasure centers and their toes, especially the big piggie, so go figger! By stimulating her feet, you are, in fact, indirectly be stimulating her genitals. See? Foot massages are way more fun that you thought they were! But don’t stop at massage. Go a little further to bring her even closer to the Big Bang. (Insert reflexology chart of the feet).
Women’s toes are particularly sensitive. By sucking them, licking them and nibbling them, you can send her right over the top. In fact, some women can orgasm by toe-sucking alone. As you massage her well-oiled feet, gentle take her toes, one by one, into her mouth.
Think I’m crazy? Maybe you’ll be surprised to learn that an article in the Observer details the exploits of erotic foot masseur, Jason. As a kid, Jason discovered that he had a certain fascination with women’s feet. When he reached puberty, he began to understand that this was a sexual fascination. As time went by, he explored his fetish and eventually, spun it into a way of making a living. Where he lives, in New York City, Jason has a thriving business, servicing the feet of the city’s women.
In Jason, some of New York’s women (a number of whom have foot fetishes of their own) have discovered a sexual outlet a lot of men are, unfortunately, unwilling to explore. But if Jason can earn a living sucking the toes of women, I’m willing to bet it’s something a lot of our fine, female friends find extremely pleasurable. Jason actually states in the article that at least one of his clients achieves spontaneous orgasms from having her toes sucked, and that others openly masturbate while he’s working on their feet.
Jason, apparently, is onto something. Surprise your woman with this and be her king.
BE A MUSKY-TEER
One of the strongest of all our five senses is smell, especially as it relates to sex. And to this extent, one of the best (and most sexually indirect) ways to reach her sexual pleasure centers, toward the Big Bang later on, is by wearing a musk-scented cologne.
Why on earth musk, of all scents? Doesn’t musky cologne smell, well, rather old? First off, smelling old is a relative term. What may smell old to a young man may smell young to an old one. Kidding aside, different people have different views on musk-scented cologne. But whose opinion is important when it comes to scent and her ability to achieve orgasm – yours or hers? Right!
Going back to musky cologne, the single biggest reason to go for that Old Spice thing your dad has in his closet is that musky smells mimic testosterone. You know, that hormone that screams “manliness!” And the manlier she senses you to be, the more turned on she’s going to be.
It’s been proven than women are one thousand times more likely to be aroused by the scent of musk than men are. Even by wearing a musk-scented perfume, women can feel sexier. By having a heightened sense of their own attractiveness, provoked by the perfume, it’s possible for women to attract men, as men can sense their sexual availability and readiness. But men wearing a musk-scented cologne (particularly in an intimate setting) can enhance women’s state of arousal because of their sensitivity to the scent.
Musk also echoes the scent of male pheromones, those surreptitious, hormonal emissions that draw men and women toward each other, without our even being aware of their presence. For that reason, if you plan on wearing cologne, musk is your ‘go to’.
Another reason for going musky is that if you consistently wear it, she’ll unconsciously associate it with having sex with you, which hopefully is good enough to ramp up her anticipation. That being said, I guess I understand now why Old Spice cologne still continues to be a hit in the market despite being, well, old! But there are some great alternatives out there you might want to think about trying. Let’s be honest – Old Space might remind her of her dad and that’s the last thing that’s going to turn her on. In fact, studies have found that together with the scent of barbecued meat, Old Spice turned a lot of women off. It’s definitely not for everyone, especially if you’re not a Boomer. (Then again, most of us have our kinks. Check out the chapter on that later in the article).
You might want to try something a little more upmarket. Hit the men’s fragrance section at your local department store and talk to one of the sales people. They’ll point you in the right direction. Whatever you choose, keep it fresh and subtle. Most women prefer this to the “knock her backwards five feet” type of cologne. Don’t overdo it, either. Just a little suggestion of cologne is enough. It means she has to be nice and close to you to smell it. Another turn on for women – that scent is for her to enjoy – not everyone else in the vicinity.
BE MR. CLEAN
Alas, our women, even though we know they love us just the way we are, do not necessarily want to be overwhelmed with your poor hygiene when we’re on our way to the Land of “O”.
There is nothing less enticing for the fairer sex than odoriferous emissions, encased in sweatpants that have been mysteriously escaping the washer for a week or two. Nothing less sexy than pits that scream like rabid alley cats. Nothing that is going to put her off more than a wild man bush that Dr. Livingstone might have paled at the very sight of, dropping his machete and running back the way he came.
Just as women like to feel delicious and tasty for the main event, men should take the same care with their hygiene. That means being squeaky clean and groomed. It means hitting the shower, hacking through the underbrush and emerging a new guy – a god even – an Orgasmatronic masculine specimen ready to be nibbled and licked by your appreciative woman!
DRESS TO DISTRESS
Like ZZ Top says – every girl’s crazy for a sharp dressed man. You know it’s true. Nothing turns a woman’s crank more than a dude who’s peeled off his sweats and put on something that brings out his masculine charms.
You don’t have to rent a tuxedo to look like you mean business, either. A pair of well cut jeans and a crisp white t-shirt (or black) will work. Avoid sports-themed clothing of any kind. If you have blue or green eyes, a shirt that’s close to your eye color will have her giving you the up and down. Clean underwear, of course. If you usually wear boxers, you may want to leave those in your drawers drawer. Instead, slip into a pair of snug Calvin Klein underwear. Choose the kind that provide support for your junk, as these are especially appealing to women, as said junk is neatly packaged in a special compartment that makes it look somewhat more impressive than it does hanging around in a pair of boxers. You may not favor this style of underwear, but I guarantee she will prefer it to a pair of boxer shorts (unless, of course, they’re the snug fitting type – or it’s a kink of hers).
I shouldn’t have to say it, but you know what I’m saying, my brothers. When you look good, you’re confident and ready to lead your lady through the gates of Big Bang paradise. Be her fantasy and reap the sexual rewards.
SPEAK UP
Remember how we talked about women tending to be more emotional about sex than men tend to be? One of the things that can get in the way of women achieving orgasm is feeling they’re not looking their best. They want to be the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen and they want you to say it. If they feel inadequate, ashamed or embarrassed about their bodies, they may not be aroused enough to enjoy having sex, much less experience even one orgasm.
So what’s a chivalrous sex machine like you to do? Speak up! Tell her with all honesty how beautiful you find her – especially when she’s naked! And please, avoid clichés like “you’re so sexy”, or “I love your body”. While these may have some chance – however low – of making her feel comfortable and confident about her body, you’ll have a much greater chance of increasing her naked-body-self-esteem by being specific. Tell her how you love the shape of her breasts, her smooth skin, her cleanly trimmed pussy and shapely buttocks. Focus on the aspects of your partner’s body that turn you on most. Tell her why. The more specific you are, the more she’ll believe how beautiful she looks naked, because being specific means you not only notice her beauty in detail, but that you spend time thinking about her and appreciating her unique beauty.
Just remember, you can be a hypocrite and tell her what isn’t 100% true, but in the long run, that’s not going to be good for her. Be a gentleman and be honest about what you really love about her naked body and don’t just flatter her to squeeze out an orgasm.
YOU’VE GOT TALENT!
Seriously, foreplay begins even before you do or speak anything sexual. Aside from a set of washboard abs, or a ruggedly handsome face, talent is another strong aphrodisiac. If you don’t believe me, consider many rock guitarists’ sexual conquests. Many of them aren’t exactly Brad Pitt or even the old version of Robert Redford! But there’s something about being able to shirtlessly wail away at those screeching guitar solos while banging their heads to the groove that turns the cranks of millions of women. They get women’s pulses racing! Consider many athletes who aren’t as gorgeous as Chris Evans, but who turn a lot of women on.
Another talent worth investing in is humor. Ever wondered why many comedians who look less appealing than LeBron James’s big ol’ feet are able to get with really hot women and keep them? I submit Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, for starters. It’s the humor baby, which is one of the strongest aphrodisiacs ever. In particular, cocky comedy – as popularized by David de Angelo – is particularly useful in turning your woman on.
Talent as an aphrodisiac? It’s nothing but the truth. Women love a guy with skills. Maybe your talent isn’t the axe, or hoops, but you know you’ve got some kind of talent that will make her see you in an entirely different light. Even if it’s something you may think is mundane, pull it out and dazzle her with it. History buff? Impress her with your knowledge. Love movies? Name that thematic hook. Do you like to write? Hit her with some word skills. Maybe you’re just a funny guy (and not just in your own opinion) who makes everyone laugh. Take the time to make her laugh too. Share your talent with her and see that twinkle in her eye grow.
DON’T CLOCK IT
One of the funny sexual differences between men and women is their consciousness of time. Men want to last as long as possible before an orgasm, while women are more conscious about taking too long to come. Some women are so self-conscious they go as far as to fake their orgasms just to please their men (even if it’s not really that pleasing to us, unless it’s real). If only the opposite were true for both sexes. Sigh.
Anyway, since we’re talking about helping your woman achieve orgasm each and every time you make love to her, let’s focus on her timing. In particular, how you can make her feel more comfortable by making her less conscious – if not, totally unconscious – of time? Stop focusing on orgasm! Yes, stop focusing on orgasm to make her achieve orgasm!
You may think I’m pulling your leg here, but hear me out. Trying too hard puts a lot of pressure on a person, which in turn becomes a reason for poor performance that further exacerbates anxiety. By not focusing on helping her reach orgasm right away, you effectively communicate to her that you’re not in a hurry and that you have all the time in the world for the two of you to enjoy each other’s bodies. This will make her very relaxed and comfortable enough to be aroused and eventually, achieve orgasm.
KNOWLEDGE IS (ORGASMIC) POWER
You won’t be able to effectively pleasure and arouse her if you don’t know what turns her on. To this extent, knowing how to touch, caress and stroke her will go a long, long way towards helping bring her to orgasm each and every time you make love with her.
Especially during manual stimulation in foreplay, most women love a gradual build up. You can help her with that by lightly resting one of your hands’ held at a spot just on top of her clit and running your middle and ring fingers along her labia majora or outer vaginal lips. To help build up anticipation and arousal, simply graze the outer lips initially. Then gradually, increase pressure to build up sexual tension. Then use your palm to cup the area surrounding her clit in order to apply indirect stimulation, which is very useful since most women prefer indirect stimulation to begin with, due to being very sensitive in this area. Gradually move in on her clitoris, using your finger’s tip to tease it and gradually increase pressure and speed.
But of course, this is just one way of doing it. Each and every woman is different. Genital massage is a whole other area of discussion, which we’ll get to a little later on in the article. You’ll want a primer on it and I’ve got it! But the most important element of pressing her buttons is knowing exactly where they are. That’s why you’ll need to pay very close attention to your lady in order to know how to best turn her on for the big bang later on.
TENDER TOP
For optimal breast foreplay, be gentle. Mashing and squeezing her breasts is not going to get you anywhere (or her). That isn’t foreplay! It’s more like kneading a ball of dough to make bread. The optimal way of arousing her via the breasts is by being gentle and tender in the beginning. Gently graze your hands or finger tips on top, at the sides and bottoms of her breasts because truth is, these are just as sensitive as her nipples and areola (which shouldn’t be aroused just yet, but saved for a little later).
Using a lubricant or massage oil to pay special attention to her breasts is also an extraordinarily rewarding facet of sex play. It allows you to glide your fingers over her breasts and to manipulate her nipples much more comfortably (when you get to them). Gently run the tip of a finger around her nipples, one at a time, moving back and forth between them.
Pay close to attention to her responses to what you’re doing and based on these, decide when and how to move on to her nipples. As her nipples become more and more aroused, her genitals will be too – priming her for orgasm.
By the time you get to those babies, they will be erect and ready for your gentle, well-lubricated touch. Again, use the tip of your finger to tickle each nipple. When you’re ready, you can take each nipple between your thumb and forefinger and gentle roll it between them. Try to avoid the “Come in Tokyo” effect. It’s not a knob on a short wave radio. It’s her nipple.
Now that you’ve got your woman panting with desire, you can start using your lips and tongue to get her even crazier, flicking each nipple with your tongue. At this point, you can place your hands on the sides of her breasts and push them (gently, of course – no mashing) together. This way, you can move from one nipple to the other, or even get them both in your mouth.
You’ll both be good and ready to go by now, if you’ve built the erotic tension to a boil by taking your time and keeping in mind, every step of the way, that you are pleasuring your woman. That’s a key phrase and the whole point of this article!
IT’S ALL ABOUT GEOMETRY
The last thing you may relate to sex is math, but there’s one thing geometry and foreplay have in common: angles! Figure out the angles at which you can stimulate your lady’s genitals and you’re so much closer to priming her for orgasm.
Take for example her G-Spot, which swells when she’s aroused. With enough trial and error, you’ll be able to find the best position from which you can angle your fingers to stimulate her G-Spot gradually, until she experiences one of many orgasms for the night!
You can figure out the same optimal angle for licking her breasts and genitals. Just remember, gauge her comfort level at all times to ensure the effect is the one she needs and wants. The key really is to look for the angles that work best for your woman’s optimal sexual pleasure.
EASY DOES IT
When it comes to oral sex, be like a diesel engine (remember – chugga chugga) and start slow, as you warm her up. This is where being too gung-ho ain’t gonna be a turn on for her. Start by gently kissing the inside of her thighs, gradually moving into her major and minor labia (labia majora and minora). Then, slowly go inside by stroking the labia broadly, using your tongue. Pay close attention to how she reacts. Take your cue from her moans, gasps and body movements before honing in on her clit.
You’ll know when she’s close to exploding by – among other things – a deepening in her labia’s color, due to more blood flowing to it. You can also sense when she’s nearing orgasm by feeling her stomach muscles’ contractions with your hand.
MOVES LIKE JAGGER’S
Another great way to increase her sexual arousal and anticipation is by executing moves that require multi-tasking. For example, as she’s lying on her back, stretch out her legs spread eagle. Ease yourself on top of her and support yourself (make sure you don’t squish her) with your elbows, your arms curled around the shoulders. The purpose of this move is to touch her clitoris with your penis’ base. Upon contact, slowly thrust up and down on the clit, instead of penetrating her vagina. This is one move that has a very high chance of driving your woman nuts during foreplay and build great anticipation for her big bang climax. Remember, lube makes everything go more smoothly!
Another good technique is to gently rub her clitoris up and down with your pubic mound instead of your penis. This can give you some temporary relief from high-intensity stimulation and help you last longer, while giving her the attention she needs in the places most important for stimulation. Remember not to over-stimulate the highly sensitive and nerve-ending rich clitoris. Move between techniques for the best result.
RUSSIAN HANDS AND ROMAN FINGERS
While we’ve discussed a little about erotic massage in this article (including the feet), it might be helpful to take a closer look at female genital massage and what makes it so effective in producing cataclysmic orgasms. Tantric massage techniques are, without doubt, your silver bullet to helping her cross over into the mythical Land of “O”.
As an Orgasmatronic Zen Master of the art of making your woman cum, this is a powerful tool to have in your repertoire. Your hands are your woman’s best friends and they can have an almost magical effect on her, if you know how to use them and how to press all the right buttons.
The art of Tantra comes to us from the mystical East. Both China and India have developed, over the centuries, their own particular versions. An ancient form of spiritually, one of Tantras most important precepts is the idea that everything in life is sacred. That includes sex. If your body is your temple, then sex is a type of worship that honors its sacred nature. Part of what Tantra holds true is that both men and women have a “sacred spot” that forms part of their genitalia. For men, this is the prostate gland. For women, it’s the controversial G-Spot. Tantra practices the stimulation of the sacred spot in both men and women, but since we’re here to help you help your woman get to the Big Bang, let’s talk about how to massage her sacred spot to orgasm.
In Tantra, the woman’s vagina and everything around it is known as the yoni, while our sexual apparatus is known as the lingam. Yoni massage seeks to unleash the sacred feminine through the stimulation of that magical mound in her vagina, the G-Spot. As with everything else in this article, the two of you must have the kind of trust that allows you to explore these techniques. That means your woman needs to be as comfortable and ready as possible. Setting the scene and mood have a lot to do with that.
You may want to set up a special area for Tantric sacred spot massage, or perhaps make the bed look even more inviting than it already does. When women are comfortable and more importantly, feel pampered, they’re relaxed and you need her to be relaxed for this.
Pillows and bolsters can be added to the bed. And exotic throw in rich colors will add a touch of the mystic east, from whence Tantra hails. Candles, incense and soft, relaxing music can heighten the effect of opulence and the care you’ve taken to the set the scene. A bottle of fine wine should be purchased for the occasion and sipped, as a prelude to your orgasmic massage session. Women love all these elements and wine is just the icing on the cake. Make sure to have a towel handy to spread across the bedspread to prevent getting the massage oil on it. This is just one way of demonstrating your considerate forethought.
When you feel the moment’s right, encourage and knead your woman into the most advantageous position for yoni massage. She should be reclining on the cozy nest of pillows you’ve arranged on the bed. Another can be slid under her hips. The towel will have been placed there for your woman to sit on. (Make sure it’s nice and plush. Women dig “plush”). Her legs should be open and bent slightly at the knees. It’s probably a good idea for her to set the wine on the nightstand before you get started. The thrills you’re about to give her might just send that wine splattering in every direction and that will make quite a fine mess (especially if it’s red wine she’s sipping). You can place it next to the bottle of massage oil, which you’re keeping warm in oil burner/warmer, heated by the candle underneath it (you can find these in import/export shops and they’re perfect for this purpose).
As with all types of love play, don’t go straight for orgasm ground zero. Start elsewhere on her body, lubricating your hands with warm, softly scented massage oil before you begin. (Nothing is less sexy than cold hands). It’s also advisable that you have a set of surgical gloves set discreetly aside. If your hands and fingers have any rough edges, that could put a damper on your fun. Slipping one or both of the gloves on before the main act can prevent that.
You might want to start by straddling your woman and kissing her passionately and deeply, as you massage her temples, neck and shoulders. You can then slowly work your way down her body. If she’s still partially clothed, you can remove what she’s wearing as you arrive at the various erogenous zones you’re going to massage. As you do so, remember to keep your hands well oiled, as the sensation of being massaged with oil will relax your woman and is bound to drive her wild, at the same time.
When the moment is right (as you’ll be able to gauge by the sighs and moans your woman is emitting), drizzle the warm oil over her pubis, allowing it to trickle suggestively down into her labia and over her clit. This will delight her, adding to the natural lubrication she’s busily started producing as your hands have rushed and roamed over her reclining body. Taking a little more oil in the palm of your hand, smile and look into her eyes, as you spread it over them. By now she won’t be able to wipe the smile off her face, as I’m sure she will be looking forward to what comes next.
Now begin to gently work the oil into your woman’s genitals. Carefully watch her responses, as you do so. Work first on the labial folds, gently stroking them. Graze your fingers over the vaginal opening, but don’t touch it, or enter it yet. Work your way to the clitoris ever so slowly. This is not so much a “tease” as building the tension required for eventual climax. Once you’re there, barely touch the peak of her clitoris, gently swirling across this small, sensitive area, first this way, then that. Intermittently (and ever so delicately), squeeze the clitoral peak. Orgasm should not occur yet, so it’s extremely important that you keep a close watch on your women and the quality of the sounds she’s making, as well as her breathing. If you feel she’s getting too close to orgasm, back off Ms. Happy.
When you’re both feeling it’s time, insert your middle finger, palm up, (INSERT DIAGRAM) in her vagina. Do not thrust! This ain’t middle school, so there will be no finger banging going on here. This is the sacred spot massage and that does not involve poking the vagina with your finger. Instead, massage the cushiony vaginal walls as you move your finger further into the vaginal canal. As you do so, be aware of the location of a small mound on the front wall of her vagina. This is what is known as the sacred (or G) spot, in Tantra.
Let’s pause to appreciate the synchronicity of the male and female genitalia. It’s a lot more interesting than “insert here”. Your prostate gland serves the same purpose as the woman’s sacred spot. The two are equivalent and similarly hidden behind a membrane. They must be actively sought to unleash their magic and I suppose that’s why they’re considered sacred in Tantra. Both sexes have them and the act of properly and mindfully stimulating them is extraordinarily intimate. There’s some cosmic mystery for you!
As you gently massage this area or her vagina, you’ll probably find that your woman’s response is becoming more intense, as her pleasure mounts. Bend your finger and gently move it, as though beckoning someone to come to you (which is basically what you’re doing), repeating the motion slowly and deliberately. This will intensify the sensation and also, her lubrication, as she is overwhelmed with erotic pleasure. You can now insert a second finger, repeating the motion, as described, with both, simultaneously, slowly and above all, gently.
If you’re feeling really masterful, you can caress her anus with your pinky finger (don’t insert it – no prostate gland in there – although she may want you to and then, go ahead) and gently run you thumb over the tip of her now erect clit. (INSERT DIAGRAM). This is the point at which she’s likely to explode in a supernova of an orgasm. Remember, though, that sacred spot massage is more about paying homage to the yoni, in Tantra, than orgasm, but it’s doubtful she’ll be able to help herself if you’ve proceeded slowly and sensually. In fact, you may be able to help her orgasm more than once in a massage session. As I’ve said, experiencing an orgasm prior to intercourse makes women more likely to have another in the course of the act, itself. That’s important information if your massage session is just the first feature in the night’s line up.
FOLLOW THE LEADER – HER
Compared to men, who can climax even with many distractions when they have already reached the point of no return, women tend not to be quite that easy. Because of this, it’s best to follow her lead as to what works and do the best you can, sticking with it until the success of what you’re doing has been exhausted and isn’t working as well as you want it to. As the saying goes, don’t fix it if it ain’t broke.
In their article, A Billion Wicked Thoughts, Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam get to the bottom of why men and women have such differing sexual needs.
The authors point out that primitive womankind would have been responsible for a much less hardy human race, had she not been selective about who she allowed to join her on the proverbial mastodon skin. Because she was a selective creature, she was able to weed out the weak males and wait until one that would not only impregnate her with healthy offspring, but provide for those offspring, came along.
As males continue to be governed by some of their primitive imperatives, women do, too. But hey, it’s the 21st Century, so let’s adapt the primal different sexual imperatives of men and women and cut to the chase – women want to know that they’re desired. They want you to show them that in bed. That means following her lead. She’s essentially in charge. She wants to know that you’re coming back for a repeat performance. If you let her know that and you mean it, you’re in for the long-term sexual relationship of a lifetime. No longer about finding the healthiest male and the baddest hunter in the clan, what women want today is the baddest Orgasmatronic male; the one who will not only give her what she wants for a night, but for the long haul. All it takes is a commitment to finding your mutual sweet spot. It’s the key to paradise and once you find that key, you’ll have no reason to look elsewhere. It’s worth the effort.
While a woman may want you to give her the impression that you’re in charge in bed, the fact is that’s not the case. Women are in charge of the success of every coital adventure. The truth is, though, they’re unsure about that role and what it means in the context of a relationship.
Here’s why you’re going to acknowledge that reality – it benefits you. You will have a bombastic, really fantastic sexual experience if you follow that one simple rule of thumb – the woman you’re with is in the lead. She’s going to show you what she needs and wants and if you’re smart, you’re going to provide it.
By following your woman’s cues and following through with them, you’re going to get to a place that most couples only dream about – orgasmic bliss. In understanding that good sex depends primarily on the satisfaction of your partner, you will be a happier man because you’ll be a better, more attentive and more skillful lover. Doesn’t that sound better than the alternative?
AFTER YOU, MADAME!
While it’s certainly a very noble and worthy cause to strive for simultaneous or tandem orgasm, this can be very challenging for most couples. Considering that women’s clits are much more sensitive than men’s penis heads, it’s better to be a gentleman – not a minuteman – and make sure your woman comes first.
It’s worth noting that rubbing her clitoris excessively – especially when thrusting your penis in and out of her – can make it either too desensitized or too sore to be further stimulated orally or manually, later on. This is another reason to master the art of foreplay to help bring your woman to orgasm every time you make love with her.
Here’s a very good tip for helping her orgasm more easily the next time out. Keep in mind that women in general, tend to orgasm more quickly after the first one. Hence, helping her reach at least one orgasm, via foreplay, can make it much easier for her to come first during intercourse. That should make for a great final act for the night!
PART 7: ARE MULTIPLE ORGASMS A REALITY?
In this chapter, we shall venture into a rare question that usually gets overlooked after the sheets have been folded and the lights turned back on. This question is usually not asked because the answer to it is taken for granted and answered by default. However, from the point of view of a woman the answer may not be what’s there in your mind.
Before moving further to explore the question, let us first re-establish what an Orgasm is. An orgasm can be defined as the end of sexual excitement, often accompanied by the release of human fluids in the genitals that leads to intense pleasure. An orgasm is considered the end result of your libido. However, the question remains- is orgasm synonymous to climax?
To answer this question, we must look more into what the act of Orgasm entails. Having an orgasm involves the ejaculation of fluids that indicate towards the partners reaching the peaks of their sexual pleasure and releasing the human juices. Your body stiffens up really well right seconds before an orgasm. You clutch hard to your partner while orgasm. The sexual desire is so intensified during an orgasm that it is during this period that you want more of your partner. The entire process, so to say, biologically ends with ejaculation.
Welcome to being proved wrong if you were one of those million of men who hold the notion that an orgasm is all about the first ejaculation. Be prepared to get your misguided interpretations of the female body proved wrong. After the first ejaculation, the female body muscles relax for a while and tend to prevent any further activity. However, this is so only if the male partner does not take any step in that direction. You, as a male partner must not stop right after the first ejaculation. Of course, you can take a break and rest for a limited time before diving into the next session, but if you want to give your woman the ultimate pleasure of her life, do not stop immediately after the first round. Give her some time to collect herself, cuddle a bit and ask her if she would like to take a second ride towards the ultimate journey of joy. Hello there, multiple orgasms. Besides being a chapter on the possibility of more than one orgasm, this segment is also going to contain some tips for affecting multiple orgasms.
To achieve multiple orgasms, one must keep in mind some basic tenets of the game. As a man, you must remember all of the following tips in order to give your partner the most satisfying sex of her life-
Ask Her
After your first orgasm, it is very natural for male partners to feel disassociated with sex and their sexual partner. A commonly conceivable image is of the man relegating back to his pillow and falling asleep accompanied by loud snores, while completely ignoring the woman. Of course there is a scientific reason behind this. The hormone oxytocin that is released in the female body during and after a session of sex encourages them to still feel affectionate towards their man. It is this hormone that makes them cuddle and keep their heads down on their man’s chest even if the man is no longer interested in her. On the contrary, testosterone, the male hormone that is responsible for a man’s vigor in the bed, is an anti-oxytocin hormone. It has an opposing effect on the female hormone. While oxytocin, the female hormone makes the woman still maintain the level of love displayed during sex after it, testosterone has the exact opposite effect on men- it makes them want to disassociate from any sexual activity moments after they have had one.
The best way to pleasure your woman is to first ask her if she would like a second session of great sex. Chances are high that even if the woman is tired after the first round, the oxytocin in them will make them say yes. It is in the biological nature of a woman to keep saying yes until they are tired beyond exhaustion. The journey to the destination of divine sex starts with a tiny first step- asking. Getting to know your woman’s view about a second round can go a long way in just kick-starting your pleasure but also building a healthy relationship between the partners. It may be possible that she is not in the mood for it anymore. Female bodies act in weird ways. They feel the need for pleasure and the constant cramp pains at the same time and may end up getting confused because of the same. It may help clear things up if you simply take the courtesy to ask them. You also have to keep in mind that you must not force your partner to succumb to your man needs. Remember that they are humans after all and must be treated with the same respect you would want anyone else to treat you with. The act of asking not just clears things up as to the intention of your partner but also cements the relationship by building trust and compassion between you two.
Fingers
You would be surprised as to what male body part is considered to be the best tool to make a woman achieve the best orgasms. Contrary to popular belief, it is not the human penis. Humans have got ten of them and each one of them could be put to efficient use. We are talking about fingers here. The magic your fingers can weave is unimaginable. A woman simply loves it when her man uses his fingers to stimulate in her a wave of pleasure. Here is how fingering is often considered a better way to achieve orgasm than the regular penetration.
A regular penetration involves the arrival of the human penis into the female partner’s vaginal tract. Now let us assume that this penis is average in length and girth. It is a possible scenario that the act of penetration is not something new to both the partners. So our basic premise is that the partners indulge in sex regularly and are no aliens to it. The female partner is now so familiar to being penetrated by her male’s tool that she does not feel the magic anymore. The penis, being such a familiar organ to her, can no longer arouse her the same way it did the first time. The honeymoon phase, probably gone by now, vows to never return. It is during such a scenario that the man must take help of other parts of his body. This is where the fingers come in.
This is what a man and a magician have in common- the trick lies in their fingers. If you know how to effectively use your fingers, you are the real MVP. Here are some tips on how to best put your fingers to use–
Start by slowly rubbing the part right above the woman’s vagina. This is the part where the pubic hair grows and is usually more prone to stimulation at the start of a session. Rubbing is the step wherein you make sure that your partner is made ready for the session. The first step should not be given a miss just because it is a monotonous process. You have no idea how rubbing effectively arouses a woman sexually. You can use your entire palm to give affect to rubbing.
After you have successfully induced arousal through an act of rubbing, you must now move ahead and start introducing your index finger into her clitoris lips. Remember that these lips are highly sensitive and should be handled with as much caution as possible. Do not rush into her vagina. Despite how you do it during normal sex, you must always keep in mind that it is the slow man who takes home the prize and not the fastest one. Moreover, you are fingering, and not battering a ram into her tract.
Your index finger should not low into her vagina. Take extra care that you are gentle at first. After you have effectively fingered her using just your index finger, you will notice that she has started to grow wet in her vagina. This is the indication to your next step.
You are now at a very crucial stage of fingering. Do not let this moment go and introduce your middle finger while keeping your index finger still inside of her. Make sure that this second introduction is not too rushed or too slow. Take a midway and adjust the fingers according to her moans.
Learn to read the signs related to how your woman reacts during fingering. If she moans gently, it is a conspicuous indication towards the fact that she has started to enjoy this venture of yours.
If her moan is a little louder then it simply means that she is so exhilarated that she wants you to do it more. However, if her moan is one that of pain, then stop immediately. Despite how regularly you guys have sex, it is possible that she does not feel aroused yet and your act of fingering is causing her pain and discomfort. If you read such sins the wrong way, you will end up turning her off sexually.
After both your fingers are inside of her, start the slowing slowly. First, make an inward action with your fingers and then low out as if digging earth out of a pit. Your action must always be synchronized with her reactions. Look out for signs that may signify whether she is getting into the mood or not. Do not rush into it. Be careful about how she is responding to the fingering.
The slowing movement indicated in the previous process is the bare essential of fingering. You have to gently claw out her vagina, without causing her any unease. For best results, you may want to trim your nails before indulging into any such acts. Make sure that you trim your nails at least two days before such a session as newly cut nails may have sharp edges and other protruding leftovers that are likely to cause rashes and serious harm to the female genital.
The fingering is not limited to just two fingers alone. You can always keep your other fingers busy with the act to maximize the pleasure. You must have seen in some classic porn videos how the male partner uses all the hand digits to incite the female partner. Use your thumb to press tightly against her vaginal entrance. This action has an arousing effect on the female. The slapping of thumb against her entrance is an act that is bound to send her into frenzy.
While your fingers are engaged in weaving their magic, do not neglect the other body parts of your female partner. Make sure that you use your other hand to grab her by her love handle or her thighs. Fingering usually starts with rubbing, as we saw it in the first step itself. However, this rubbing needn’t be limited to the rubbing of the pubic region. You can always start with the thighs. The human thighs are one of the most vital body parts when it comes to arousal. For all you know, you could simply caress the thighs and make your woman each climax by doing only that.
The art of fingering is all about being gentle and thorough. While you are ultimately going to be explicit about fingering as the moments advance, most men commit the mistake of neglecting the slow part. You should never rush into a fingering. Keep your pace slow and then constant afterwards. It is only by maintaining a steady and slow pace that you can correctly arouse a woman. Your female partner deserves to achieve the best orgasm of her life and fingering is one of the brilliant ways to make her attain that pleasure.
As it has been described in one of the previous chapters, foreplay is that stage of a full-blown sex session that almost decides how the entire session is going to pan out. Fingering is generally considered one of the basic steps in a good foreplay session. Fingers may be less thick and less strong than a human penis but they have amazing effects on the female partner. If you follow the above mentioned steps to a good foreign session, your woman will be grateful towards you for giving her one of the best times of her life.
Erotic Touching
A common mistake most men make is ignoring the power of touching during sex. Contrary to popular belief, a man’s ultimate tool is not his penis. It is his entire body that is the tool that attracts women towards him. A man, in order to give his woman, the best pleasure of her life must use his entire body for the purpose. The usage of hands is considered the best in the history of sex. It is not the human penis that is the best womanizer; it is the strong and yet gentle hands of a man. Touching can create magic that no other body part can replicate.
When you touch a woman, she feels the intense and heated up male energy of a man flowing from his loins to her groins. The touching part of any sex life is what makes it worth the wait in the end. Now, arousal by touching need not be performed only in the bed. It can be done in any place that you wish to use as your arousal ground. It is a matter of psychology that women like it when their men like to touch them in public without attracting anyone’s attention to the same. A lot of women re aroused by the mere fact that their man is bold enough to touch her in broad daylight and does not feel shy about it. This very mentality of a man is arousing enough for a woman to fall for him head over heels even more than before.
The art of erotic touching is all about hitting the right spots at the right time. Now, women’s bodies are designed in such a manner that the erotic spots are well hidden in plain sight. Here are some of the best examples of a woman’s tender spots-
Behind the ears is situated an area where a woman is highly sensitive. It is known that when their male partner touches them, preferably by biting or fingers, it makes the women go crazy. Try to either caress the area right behind the ears or bite the ear lobe while trying to arouse your woman.
The region right above the breasts and immediately below the neck is another gentle spot to target. Try to take in the scent of your woman before making any advancement. This ceremony of taking in her scent is important because then you as a human male get aroused yourself. This step is vital because the human scent of a woman is known to drive men mad with lust.
Touching should always be gentle and steady. You cannot afford to go rough with touching. The places where you can touch a woman to successfully arouse her to the maximum possible extent do not really vary much from woman to woman. Some women get highly kinky when their male partners touch their thighs. As it has been mentioned in the previous section, thighs are extremely sensitive areas for a lady. If you keep your palms around thighs, and carries them occasionally, it has an amazing effect on the lady. You have little idea how arousing it could be to a woman when their man prefers to caress her thighs when he could have straight gone to put the pole in the hole. It also assures the woman that you are willing to put more efforts into your experience and that you are have a good grasp about the female psychology when it comes to sex.
What I am going to say next may sound a little absurd to you, but trust me, researches and studies have shown that it is psychologically true in most cases. Women like their men expressive, bold and arrogant. It is the primal instinct of a man to be stubborn about his wishes. When a man expresses his wish to touch you in public, it does not count against him. It goes in his favor, as it indicates that the man is self confident enough to even suggest it. Women get their arousal simply from the suggestion itself. Getting touched in public is such a taboo that it makes the women want to have the forbidden fruit. The fact that the man, in front of the entire world, wants to grope you and still stay inconspicuous about it is a good catalyst to a woman’s sex drive. It drives them crazy that their man is ready to accept her in front of the general public. It is something the women associate with true love and deep passion- two such elements that have the tendency to take a relationship to better milestones.
Lastly, touching as an act of sexual conduct is a proved way to gain your way to the woman’s pants. When you touch, the testosterone driven male energy in you is transferred to your woman indicating that you are ready to indulge in a bit of hanky panky. As long as you can keep the touching gentle, decent and appropriate, you are good to go. There is no rulebook that specifically defines the right ways to touch a woman, but being a grown man you should be able to realize where the line has been drawn for you to see and stop yourself. If affected correctly, touching has the potential to lead you and your partner into a good and wild session of raunchy session in the bed. The art of touching has many benefits when it comes to and should not be overlooked while trying to give your woman the best time of her life.
Maintaining The Connection
After you have successfully achieved and made her achieve the first orgasm, it is important that you do not go into a shut down mode just because it’s done and over. Not only does it prevent you from the pleasure of multiple orgasms but it also has an injurious impact on your trust levels with your female partner. Like it has been stressed on before, females are gentle beings of Mother Nature who are prone to feeling more sensitive than their male counterparts. While males believe in seeking the primary objective of love making, females look for something beyond sex. The female population always believes in maintaining the connection with their male partners even after they have made love and are now ‘spent’.
It is vital that you, as a male partner, must take steps to ensure that your female partner does not feel neglected after sex. It is natural for men to prefer sleeping after a good session of sex, but this sleep comes at the expense of the goodwill you could have built had you stayed put and cuddled with your partner.
You cannot just simply roll over to the other side of the bed, pull over your blankets and rest your head on your favourite pillow to dive into a snore filled session of sleep. Such an action has an adverse effect on the faith your female partner has put on you. It is your duty as the male partner to keep your partner engaged and interested even after you two have had sex. Moreover, it is plain rude that you ignore your partner after their work is done.
Maintaining the connection is the only way to achieve multiple orgasms. There are two specific ways to maintain the aid connection- Emotional and Physical.
Emotional Connection
You have to talk a lot under this. Despite the fact that you guys talk a lot anyway, it is the post-sex stage where the male partners need to talk to their female counterparts. Since you have just given your female partner the best pleasure in her life, follow it up with something more. Try to emotionally connect with her on a level that is not defined by anything physical. When you do that, the females realize that you are not in it just for the sex. They reach the conclusion that you care about them and sex is just one aspect of your relationship. Do not shy away from speaking your mind during the post-sex stage. You may not have much to talk about but try to think of matters that have always bugged you, or such things that you always wanted to tell them but never could. There are always such things in a relationship that go unsaid simply because of reasons of awkwardness and weirdness. However, if you open up about such matters during a time when both of you are completely naked to each other, the female realizes that you are being entirely honest to her.
Physical Connection
It is extremely vital that you do not detach yourself from your partner post sex, emotionally or physically. Under normal circumstances or more arousing ones, you may have held her close to you, caressing her breasts, but if you stop doing that right after sex, it sends a wrong message. It says that you care about her body only during sex and not when your male hormones are at the lowest. It indicates towards the fact that all the feelings you have towards her are hormonal and not emotional. Maintaining the physical connection is as important as maintaining an emotional one. You can always hold her hands and keep her head on your chest. This is a sign that says that you are there for her. Cuddling is the best way to express love. Make sure that you are indulging in a lot of cuddling with your woman. When you cuddle, it displays a good amount of affection even without involving any genitals. Keeping her close to your body, holding her hands, occasionally pecking at her cheeks and forehead, holding her by her love handle are just some more examples of how you could maintain the physical connection.
The very idea behind maintaining the said connections with your partner is to show you that a good relationship is not all about sex. Sex does not stop with orgasm anyway. A good orgasm is not an orgasm- it’s the possibility of multiple ones. When you make sure that the connections are maintained, you pave the automatic way for multiple orgasms. If your female partner is found sulking in bed after your first orgasm, chances are high that you may not get her to agree to more sessions of lovemaking. Multiple orgasms are rarely witnessed among couples as most of them ignore to maintain he aforementioned connection. If you truly want to make your female partner experience the best sex in her life, you must work on first building this connection and then maintaining the same. As long as you keep showing your woman that you are someone she can trust with her life, you stand more chances of making her happy throughout, thereby increasing your chances of unlocking the near impossible achievement of multiple orgasms.
Keep in mind that sex is not all about the pole entering the hole. It is something beyond that. It is the mutual existence of feelings of trust, compassion, affection and admiration. In order to heighten your chances of making your partner reach multiple orgasms, you must take all these factors into consideration. If you choose to ignore the said factors, your sex life is probably going to be restricted to one session a week, which is a sad figure. Your female partner needs to be handled with care and caution. Any snapping of the connection may lead to adverse effects on not just your sex life but also your partner’s mental well being.
As we studied in the first chapter itself, a woman is the same as a man when it comes the arena of lovemaking. A man would love to pull his pants down, jump into bed and start the act right away, while a woman on the other hand would like her man to go slow at first and then turn on the beast mode during the end. A man would be direct and aggressive while a woman would be subtle and suggestive. It is this difference in nature of Adam and Eve that creates problems in the sex lives of many couples.
Here are some tips for you to create the right mood for a woman to be ready for the best orgasm she deserves to receive from you:
Showering affection on your woman need not be restricted to giving her a good sex session. Remember that sex starts well before the bed. You must always take care to pay your lady the special attention that she deserves. Hugh her from behind randomly while she is busy cooking, help her out with household chores, distribute the labor of the house as equally as possible, pay her compliments regarding her new dressing gown, apologize when you have committed a mistake and don’t be stubborn while doing so. Mean what you say and be a good partner. Affection is something that should not be neglected in a relationship. Though this article talks about primarily the sex life of couples, the weightage of a good relationship in the equation cannot be neglected either. Make your woman feel an essential part of your life; as opposed to just someone you come home to every night to fulfill your carnal desires.
Creating the right mood depends a lot on how you behave with your woman during those times when you are not in the mood. It is easy for a man to shrug off suggestions for sex when he is not in the mood for it. However, you must not be blunt about your refusals. It is of course not humanely possible for you to keep having sex the entire day but if you keep avoiding sex only because you are too busy with work, it is going to affect you and your partner in the long run. Make sure that when you give your woman the reasons for your inability to participate in sex, you mention specifically how you would have loved to do it but cannot because of the said reason. When you make such a kind gesture, it shows that you care for them, and there is nothing more turning on than a man who takes care of such little matters.
Like it has been said above, the beauty lies in the little things. Do not miss out on the irrelevant yet important things in your relationship with your female partner. In order to make her feel important, you must take great care to ensure her satisfaction. Bring her regular presents even if it is not a special occasion to celebrate. Find time for her when she is aware that you are extremely busy in a client meeting. Take unexpected leaves from your work to turn up at the doorstep with flowers and chocolates. Take her out for sudden dates. Rea to her the morning news when she is busy making you a sandwich. Talk to her about things that have been bothering you; such things do not need to be related to your relationship. These could be an annoying boss or a clingy co-worker. Make sure that you share your views about things in general with her. You could talk about your honest opinions on feminism, world politics, invasions of the power banks of the planet and a variety of other things.
When it comes to creating the right mood for the ultimate occasion, it’s time you took some lessons. Plan everything with precision. Make sure that the linen you put on your bed is a nice color that is pleasing to the eyes and the bare human skin. Set the mood right by playing her favourite music. You can enhance the attraction by wearing her favourite pair of boxers. You can also choose to take her out on a movie date before you come home and indulge in some naughty business. Buy the panties you always thought would look superb on her. Lingerie is another matter altogether, but women love it when their men go lingerie shopping with them. The idea of their man imagining them in specific lingerie is simply arousing for the ladies. Just calculate the surge of libido they must feel when you choose to go ahead and buy them your pick.
Light some candles in the room you have planned to perform your ultimate act. If possible, prefer scented candles as a good atmosphere of scent often helps women horny. Whisper in her ear all the things you would like to do to her. Play some naughty acts of hard-to-get before letting your female partner have a taste of you. Remember that women love it when men do not succumb to their seduction. It makes them try harder until men give in and jump right down to business. Allow your female partner to indulge in a bit of seduction techniques before you dive in.
Music is an important part of sex. You may not put so much importance on music but play the right kind and your female partner is bound to get impressed and by extension set herself up for a good orgasm. Know your partner’s music choice. There might be some certain songs or bands that she is crazy about. Create a sex-songs playlist if you have to and put the same on loop. The power of music to induce a powerful orgasm in females has been long neglected. It is time men started paying attention to the impact the right music has on female’s bodies. The only sound during your sexual session should not be limited to your name-calling.
Here are some tips to use music the proper way in your favor:
A- Choose a song of her liking. The most basic tip that can be given is to pay attention to your woman’s tastes. Try to get hold of a genre if possible. There is a range of genres that you can choose your music from. Refrain from going too loud with options like Electronic Dance Music and hardcore metal, as these are the kinds of music one would like only in a concert or a party. This however is something personal and you must take steps to make it appear so. Go for something soft and rhythmic.
B- The best part about music is that it has the elements of rhythm and beats which can guide you to a good way of constructing a good sex session. You can choose to go along with the provided beats and regulate your pace of thrusting according to it. The rhythm can also help you in this department.
C- Creating a sex-songs playlist is the best way to introduce music in your sexual life. There are always those songs that you and your woman as a couple like to listen to while or after a steamy session of wild sex. You can make a complete list of all such songs, compile them into a playlist and put it on loop playing while indulging in sex with your female partner.
D- Music can also help you maintain the right pace during sex. As mentioned above, the beats and rhythm of a song can be used to regulate the speed of your session. For example, if it’s a jazz number that is being played, you can go slow and similarly a pop song may induce some pace in your activities.
The right mood has not been pre defined in any sex rulebook. It is primarily because each individual differs from the next one. No two women are the same replica of each other. Hence, it is safe to assume that what works with one woman won’t work with the next. You have to take some calculated risks and device a good way to create the mood. It all boils down to how well you know your partner in reality. If you two have a good connection, you will be able to make the perfect mood for her orgasm. Hence, it is important that you two spend quality time together even outside of the bed. Make sure that you are familiar with each and every details of your partner’s life. Keep asking them about their preferences reading not just sexual positions but also things in general. The more you get to know your female partner, the better chances there are of you setting up the much required mood.
It is not a herculean task to set up the correct mood for your woman. All you have to do first is get to know her as much as possible. Not only do you need to know their tastes and likes but also those things that turn them off. Pay attention to the little details of their personality. If it is feasible, casually keep asking them questions about their favorites in all fields. To make it less obvious you can always blend it with other generalized stuff like sports, politics and movies.
The importance of setting up the appropriate mood is often ignored by most men. It is the first and one of the most important steps for a woman to achieve a good orgasm. Like it has been stressed before, an orgasm starts way before the woman climbs the bed. A woman’s mind is built in such a way that values like trust, affection and compassion are of prime importance to them and they find such values to be sexy in her man. Be the man that she wishes you to become. You don’t have to necessarily change your basic nature but for the sake of the love of your life and to help them get more pleasure you can take some risks and try to tweak some elements of your dull personality. You would be surprised to know that women find qualities like kindness, forgiving nature and sympathy to be more manly than conventional masculine qualities like stubbornness, arrogance and being headstrong.
A recent study has found that women get turned on in general situations. They are as horny, if not more, as men. If they see a man rolling his sleeves thereby exposing his arm muscles, they instantly try to imagine him in bed. It is an inherent female desire to get laid. Contrary to popular belief, females are more aroused by daily life situations than their male counterparts. Small gestures of love like being gifted flowers and chocolates go a long way in reaffirming their faith in their men. All a man needs to do in order to gain the trust of a woman he is pursuing is to act genuine and natural. The values of honesty and straightforwardness are two such values that are appreciated and discovered to be hot by women. A man who talks to the point without beating around the bush is fantasized more than a man who has got the gift of the gab. Despite how the modern society wants us to believe, women actually prefer the silent types. A seldom-talking man is a sexy man. Though this may not be true for all cases, a good chunk of the fairer sex certainly seems to think along these lines and it would not hurt for you to take notes.
Welcome to the next chapter of this article. Here we shall be dealing specifically with the various forms and types of exercises that are supposed to prepare a female for better and more intense orgasms. You can always suggest these exercises to your female partner for them to perform when they are free.
The idea behind using exercises in sex is to get the female prepare for a better orgasm. As it has been established before, orgasm starts way before the real act. Hence, let us see if exercising in a certain way or in certain positions are worth anything or not.
The first exercise is a basic one which females generally perform when they are feeling horny. The right hand of the female is clamped down on their vaginal part with the left hand going all the way around their waist, across their hips to rejoin with the right one down there. Thereby, it looks like the female is trying to adjust her panties with both her hands. The next step in this process involves the female trying to tighten her hands and pull them upwards, with the vagina acting as a barrier to the hand-arrangement. This form of exercise goes a long way in ensuring that the female is wet enough for the main performance. It has been noted that most females anyway perform this exercise when they re alone and are feeling horny.
Kegel exercises are known all over the globe for facilitating female orgasms. Kegel exercises are specifically designed to pave an easy route for female orgasms. In this, the pelvic muscles are put to use and are efficiently made to function in a way that helps females achieve powerful orgasms. Let me first introduce you to the concept of how a Kegel exercise works in general. Have you ever had to hold your pee in public? If yes, then you are somewhat familiar with the concept of a Kegel exercise. Your pelvic muscles are so connected to your urinary tracts and abdomen that they end up assuming control of the same. Pelvic muscles are directly associated with the control and regulation of your urine. Not just with females, the scenario is similar in the human male also.
In order to perform a Kegel exercise, the female partner must first try to pee first. When the urine is felt to be almost arriving through the vaginal tract, they must try to control it with their pelvic muscles. They may find the process to be difficult at first, but with sufficient practice and ample time, they will be able to master controlling their urine effectively. The pelvic muscles that are attached to your bladder help you assume control of your urine flow. When you have practiced enough you will realize that you are able to regulate the flow successfully.
Another great exercise is rubbing. Rubbing the pubic region of the vagina is a good way to prepare the female for an intense and satisfying orgasm. The female vagina is like a flower bud. You cannot force the bud to blossom into a flower all of a sudden. You have to nourish it with water, minerals and sunlight and then allow it some time to flower. Similarly, the human vagina also needs some time to be spent on it. If you rush through with the process, you will be killing the very idea behind performing exercises. A simple rubbing session is bound to kick start what will eventually turn into a satisfying orgasmic experience for your woman.
Man has learnt languages and in the process earned the technique of using his tongue to great use. However, most men still do not know the power of a tongue that is not restricted to speaking. You as a male can do wonders with your tongue, and not just by speaking sweetly to your partner. The tongue, as opposed to what it may seem like, is a strong muscle in your body. When used effectively, it can make a woman go crazy. Sit your woman down or for better results, ask her to lie down on the bed with her legs open. Surprise her by going down on her instead o going for the regular penetration. Start by slowly rubbing the pubic region and gently move towards the clitoris. Hold the vaginal lips with your hands and parch them open. You will realize that by now the vagina is dripping wet. This is your green signal.
Use your tongue in a circular manner at first and then in an inserting manner later to achieve best results of eating the pussy. You will be amazed to learn that your tongue has better chances of inducing an orgasm than your penis does. Make sure that you lick the outside of the vagina clean before entering deeper. Do not be monotonous about the whole business by adopting a singular motion. Try bringing variety to your actions and alternate between circular, horizontal and other positions. Make it spicier by asking her if she would like to perform the legendary 69 position. That way, both of you get satisfied at the same time. There re certain things that you need to keep in mind though. Do not use teeth if the female partner is not comfortable with it. For all you know, you could be turning her off by doing it. Second, make sure that you do not overdo the licking. Some women get easily bored with just one sort of sexual arousal.
As I have mentioned before, keep alternating between various tongue motions and body positions. Eating a female is always tricky as you stand the chance of turning her body off by doing it all wrong. However, with sufficient practice and enough experience, you should be good to go.
The purpose of sex exercises, in other words- Sexercises, is that the female body needs to be prepared for the ultimate act- Sex. Just like every motorbike needs to be heated up a little by kickstarting it every winter morning, the female body needs a little warm up game before it can get ready to move ahead to better and more intense form of carnal activity. When put to the right use, sex exercises can go a long way in ensuring that your female partner is set up appropriately for a powerful orgasm.
PART 10: THE IMPORTANCE OF FOREPLAY
Welcome to a crucial lesson of sex. I am aware that this topic has been dealt with before but I figured some more light could be shed in this regard.
The most common mistake an average man makes during the period of sex life is neglecting the importance of a good session of foreplay. A foreplay session is supposed to be not just a mere step in the entire process of sex but it has its own benefits for the attainment of a successful female orgasm. Here are the various ways in which foreplay helps the female partner achieve a better and stronger orgasm:
Muscle Relaxation
A nice foreplay session’s first aim is to relax your body muscles so as to loosen you up for more intense sexual activities. Imagine that you have joined your local gym. On the first day, you reach the arena and start lifting heavy weights thinking it would help you get in fine shape faster. That is a stupid way of going about building a body. Sex is nothing different. Taking it slow and steady is the real key to prepare the female for a nice orgasm. Your muscles work and coordinate with one another better when they are relaxed and loose. Foreplay when executed well, works brilliantly on all the muscles thereby relaxing them enough to prepare for a more intense activity.
Setting of the Mood
Mood setting as we discussed in a previous segment is one of the major pre requisites of sex. If the mood is not set properly, the female partner may not enjoy the entire experience. The right mood goes a long way in establishing trust between partners as it conveys that the male partner knows the exact things that turns on his woman. Foreplay is supposed to be the pre cursor to a good session of sex as it not just readies the body for further activities but also mentally and hormonally prepares you to indulge in what will eventually become an exhausting work.
Stimulates Genitals
A good orgasm is the result of intense lovemaking. However, more than anything it is possible only because the human genitals are fired up enough to perform like rabbits. If the human genitals are not completely excited over the prospect of sex, chances are high that what is going to happen is definitely not going to be satisfying. In order to achieve this very end, t is of prime importance that people indulge in a bit of foreplay before moving on to having hardcore sex.
A limp human penis won’t be able to completely satisfy your woman. If you are having a semi erection, do not go ahead and indulge in the sexual activity. Instead give yourself some time and use this to work on some foreplay. A human penis when not fully erect serves little purpose towards the destination of a powerful orgasm. The human vagina is a complex anatomy and requires a fully functional penis to invade it so as to arouse the woman. So if your erection is not full yet, work towards it. Use some oils in the bathroom and exercise a bit before the main act.
Removes Doubts
No relationship is perfect. Couples are always in turmoil over whether they can fully trust each other or not. When foreplay is introduced, it assures the female partner that the male partner is willing to take things slow and not rush into everything. It reaffirms her faith in you and tells her that you are willing to put in the required efforts to win her over steadily and are not planning to user her for sex and then move on to the next girl. This is especially relevant for those couples that have recently come together. The building of trust stage in a relationship is crucial and foreplays instill the much-required faith in the females’ minds.
Prevents Anxiety
A lot of people go through self-doubts and low levels of self-confidence right before the first time they indulge in sex. Taking the game to the last level from the very start may not help with such individuals. These individuals are generally in need of morale boosters and faith confirmation. They cannot easily trust a person and are rarely seen showering their affection on any random passerby. When it comes to sex, such people need to be assured over and again that they are not being cheated or duped. They need to be showed that their partners are there to stay. It is helpful for them to know that their partners are trustworthy and they are going to take care of any situations that threatens to arrive during their first sexual encounter. This is specially so with the womenfolk.
From a very tender age they are taught that boys are mean and should not be trusted. Such an influential discouragement from the activity of sex makes them panic even thinking about it. The very beautiful art of sex becomes a taboo for such people and they are not able to imagine themselves indulging in a bit of it. What such a mentality that has been molded from the beginning leads to is Anxiety. Women being tender creatures are more likely to succumb to anxiety attacks than men. When anxiety kicks in during a possible first encounter, it prevents the woman from fully enjoying the activity of sex. If that happens, orgasm becomes a distant dream.
Foreplay is supposed to be that stage of the entire process that is supposed to soothe the nerves of the female partner. It is this step that promises to calm her nerves and assure her that though this is her first time, the male partner knows what he is doing and he is going to take care of any situation that may arise midway.
Welcome to the next chapter of this article. We shall be discussing the most important element of a good orgasm- you. It all boils down to you when it comes to your female partner achieving a strong orgasm. You are the main player, the showstopper in all of this. If you fail o perform during the hour that is important, everything that you have read and planned so far will go to waste. Hence, it is vital that you work upon you. This chapter is going to cover all the ways in which you can better yourself to turn into an Alpha male that induces orgasms like a giant dog.
Why is working on you important?
Like it has been mentioned above, the most relevant player in the game is you. Whether your female partner receives the best orgasms of her life or not depends entirely upon how you play on your day. However, it is not always that we get what we desire. So it naturally follows that we won’t be at the peak of our game every single day of the league. In order to make sure that you are in your form, you need to ensure that you are sexually good most of the days. You should be prepared enough to say randomly yes to a sex session. You may be required to perform in any place at any time. Your female partner deserves a man who is ready all the time. Let us work on it but by bit.
An Appealing Personality
This may not make sense now, as a personality may have very negligible amount of equation with orgasm on the outset. How you look should hardly matter when it comes to how you perform in the bed. However, it is not entirely so. Your personality has got a relevant connection with your orgasmic powers. You, as a man, are supposed to be charismatic, charming and chivalrous all the time. It should be in your very nature that you are strong, well built and powerful not just in terms of body but also with regards to body language.
Women are strange creatures. Trust me on this. Women find the littlest of things to be turning on. It is a man’s personality that attracts a woman towards him. Personality works wonders for a man if he knows how to use it. How a man walks, talks, puts forth his points, argues, behaves and converses in the public- everything is put together and the man’s sex appeal is accessed. All this happens subconsciously as you are talking to a woman. In the woman’s mind she is not just judging you based on how you look, she is also making predictions about your tool size and the shape of your head down there. Like I mentioned before, women are strange creatures. Orgasm for them starts right when they are talking with a man they end up liking or getting drawn towards. Hence, you need to work on your personality to woo women and induce the much-hyped orgasms.
Good Built
Riddle me this- which of the following two stands a better chance of landing a woman at a casual bar? A chiseled hunk in a suit or a pot-bellied man holding a lazy bottle of soda, sitting in a crouched position in the corner? The answer is simple – the former!
Like I said before, for women, orgasms start right when they have a look at a man. This man needs to be not just a good looker but also someone who pays great attention to his physique. A man is nothing without a good body. A well-built physique is not a sign of an alpha male; it is the requirement of any male! A toned body in a man is enough to inspire dirty thoughts in women right when they steal a glance at your muscled you are.
If you are a man with not so great a body, it’s time you started hitting the gym daily. Subscribe to your local gym and start working out like crazy. If you seriously want to give your woman the ultimate time of her life, it is vital that you first have one. For that, you have to work on your basic man skills. One of the major ones of them all is a good physique. We are all primal beings. We may have grown all liberal and educated. We claim to find intellectuals hot and sexy however at the end of the day while touching yourself, you always imagine the dumb yet good looking person you always fantasize about.
A lot of what is being propagated regarding intellectualism being the new sexy is a load of fad. We are animals and we have basic animal instincts. We always look for a strong built partner who is expected to survive longer. Darwin was not wrong when he gave his theory of evolution. Every human struggles every day towards just one goal- survival. It is just one part of survival instincts that we look for someone with the right physical features. While men look for curvy and shapely womenfolk, women go after strongly built men who have worked on themselves and developed a body to swoon over. It is only a matter of survival and evolution and there is nothing embarrassing about such desires.
Moreover, besides your body helping you land women, it is also another important and direct factor in your woman enjoying sex to the extent of having good orgasms. A good male body is supposed to do better and more sexual positions than an unhealthy one. A well-built man can lift his woman any way his want and pound her to arouse her to the limit of having an exhausting session of multiple orgasms. When you have strength, you are more open to trying different positions during sex, as you are uninhibited due to your prowess. You are no longer unable to try certain positions because it requires you to apply a lot of strength trying to lift your lady up in a specific position.
A Good Talker
Words have been considered a powerful tool in the history of mankind. Words have been known to wage wars, destroy civilizations and ruin kingdoms. Such is the power of words alone that even strong men have been careful while using it.
Did you know that you could induce orgasm in your woman by simply talking?
In a previous section we saw how the human tongue can be used to affect really strong orgasms in women. Well, newsflash: The Human Tongue can do that in two ways. The real power of words lies in making people do things without having to physically do anything. A modern approach to sex and related activities tells us that it is possible to make your woman cum by simply uttering a few effective words and some gentle and feathery touching. Why do you think great poets in the history of the humankind were good womanizers? They were blessed with the gift of the tongue. They knew the exact words and the proper tone to say them in that had the potential to induce orgasms in their female partners.
The basics of womanizing contain the element of taking. If you are a good talker, you are bound to get successful in almost all aspects of your life. One of these aspects is sex. Researchers have proved that it is indeed possible to bring out the female juices flowing if the man knows the right words and the right way to say them. Here are a few simple techniques to follow if you are looking forward to seduce your woman using words:
First, make a list of all such words that you have noticed to bring an impact in your woman’s mood. There are always certain words that women like. Such words could be rough, dirty, arousing or simply ordinary. You do not necessarily have to resort to the dirty talk. Even simple sounding words when given a context have the power to induce orgasmic activity in women. Compile a list of all such words for your woman.
Be minimalistic in your approach. Remember that too many cooks spoil the broth. While using words, never ignore the power of being minimal. The fewer the words, the better their impact. When you end up using too many words that broadens the horizon of your woman’s imagination allowing her to mentally envision a range of possibilities. This has an effect of dilution on her imaginations thereby rendering your words redundant, as they don’t signify anything particular or singular. However, on the contrary, when you are limited in your word usage, you make sure that the radar of imagination captures exactly what you want her to capture.
In my personal experience, simple words with some history and context work more magic than fluffy and big words that sound and look like they have been picked right from the dictionary. It is in the very nature of ordinary words that they induce really strong emotions in couples when provided a context. There might be words that only you and your partner are privy to. These words may not even exist in the English dictionary. You may have shared a joke and such words may have lingered on long after this joke has breathed its last. Take help of such words instead of the complicated ones.
Personalize your word usage. If you and your female partner have been a couple for a while, chances are high that you two share a history of conversations that includes the usage of certain words that induce a certain memory or feeling whenever either of you utters them. This is healthy for your relationship. On top of that, these words can be taken help of while trying to induce orgasm in your woman.
Coming right down to business, dirty talk has a magical effect on women. They simply love it when their men hold them from their waists, pull them close for an embrace and whisper dirty and raunchy things in their ears. You can always tell your woman all the things you are going to do to her tonight. Doing so in a public place has an additional character of turning on the women even more. When you express yourself to your woman, you make sure that you make your intentions clear.
A man who uses clear and direct words to tell her woman about the things he is going to do to her in bed scores really good. Women love it when their men invest so much in their sexual performances. When they actively express themselves, it indicates that the men have planned a series of things to do to them tonight. Though you may have just said so for the sake of it, it surely incites them to an extent of getting wet and hence ready for the ultimate orgasm of their lives.
This is for everyone who is a non-English speaker or knows more than just English. Local language is sexy as hell. Womenfolk who have been living in the same geographical location for a major part of their lives are more likely to be turned on by their local language’s words than by English. A recent study found that women are more impressed by a man from around their own area than by one from outside. It may sound very primal while reading it but go out in your town and you will find this conclusion true. While we are on the subject of dirty talk, it is noteworthy that women love screaming out the name of their man when he is inside of them. This may not make much sense but do not lose me here. When a woman is made to scream her man’s name while at the peak of her libido, it has an amazing effect on her. A woman by screaming out the name of her man totally submits herself to him. She consciously gives the reins of her womanhood to her man, thereby allowing him to do things to her she would not allow anyone else to do. The ritual of screaming out one’s man’s name has a deep root in the annals of female psychology.
All said and done, words alone aren’t going to help you affect orgasms in your lady. They can be used as a supplementary tool to help you induce orgasms in your woman. However, when used solitarily they have little or negligible effect on the women. You must make sure that you do not resort to simply words while trying to make your woman achieve her big O. Words must always be followed by actions. This is the basic rule of a standardly successful life. It holds true for sex as well. When all you do is mutter some arousing words into her ears and follow it up by an average performance, you are going to destroy the utility of such words. The next time you utter them will likely yield lesser encouraging results. Therefore, it is advised that you must use words in a supplementary fashion.
PART 12: THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE AND PROSTATE ORGASM
If there is one thing besides chocolates and cats that pleases women, it’s a surprise that’s well planned. Women love it when someone they love takes the pains of making elaborate plans with regards to sprinting on a surprise on them. Not only do they feel loved, it also displays to them that you remember little things and bother to remind her in the best way possible.
You can use this fondness of surprises to your advantage. The element of surprise can be inculcated into your sex life, if you are smartly go about doing it. It has been noticed that women tend to reach orgasms less when their sex life is trotting towards a monotonous and dull destination. Having gotten over how exciting sex is in the initial days itself, women start feeling not so eager for sex after a while. In such a scenario, it becomes important that you reintroduce her to a life full of unimaginable possibilities. Here are some of the ways in which you can surprise her in the bed:
A surprise’s very nature is suddenness. You may plan it in advance but it will be better if it comes to you spontaneously. Surprise her by turning up earlier than usual from one work one fine evening. Your very arrival for the purpose of spending some quality time with her will be surprising enough for her to set her mood for the night’s game.
If you are going to go with the above suggestion, make sure you buy her favourite flowers and chocolates on the way. Remember that outfit she wished she had bought while shopping last weekend? Pick it up and ask her to wear that for your special night.
The element of surprise must be scantily used for its over usage may lead to the dilution of its charm. The element of surprise is something which when overused may lose its magic and may not work as effectively as the first time. You must always give some sort of a gap between two consecutive uses of this.
The best usage of the element of surprise is found in male partners suggesting new and possible sex positions. There is an entire range of sex positions that are not just fun to try out but also effective in achieving strong orgasms. Not every position will be able to give your female partner the orgasm she deserves. Moreover, over time you guys must have been tired of the regular missionary. A change in sexual position is always a good breather. It allows you to experiment with your partner while allowing her to experience a whole new level of pleasure. Some particular sexual positions favor good orgasms than others. For example, the positioning of the genitals is such in the reverse cowgirl position that orgasms that result from it are much stronger than the ones achieved by missionary or other regular ones.
Anal is an area most couples refrain from exploring. There is a different kind of orgasm called Prostate orgasm. A Prostate orgasm is obviously not the same as a regular orgasm. There is no ejaculation with fluids coming out of the anus like it is with the regular one. For most couples, the prostate orgasm is an uncomfortable and as mentioned, an unexplored territory. Because of reasons of hygiene most men even refrain from going for anal.
The issue with anal experimentation is that it has high chances of getting messy by the end. However, to prevent such chances, there are processes that flush and clear out all the human junk before one can indulge themselves in anal pleasure. One of such processes is called douching. Porn stars are known to go through such procedures to cleanse their buttonholes before shooting for an anal scene. However, you do not need to be a porn star to be able to do it. You can always adopt simpler ways. For example, you can go for a dump hours before the main act. While cleansing yourself after the dump you must use a regularly strong jet of water to not just wipe mess on the outer region of your anus, but also on its insides. Once you are done with this cleansing, you must use a sanitizer on your anus so as to prevent any germs or other harmful bacteria from infesting it. It so happens that right after your anus is cleansed it is inflamed and prone to many harmful agents of diseases coming and resting around and in the area. A successful cleansing process should give you an anus hole that has been rid of the human junk and a host of bacteria.
After cleansing the anus, the female has to now go ahead and beautify her already amazing butt hole. One good way is to pad the exterior with a fair amount of talcum powder and use a dose of perfume to make sure that no foul smell comes out of it. If the anus is not cleansed properly in the previous steps, it may give rise to chances of the male partner being turned off to great levels. You must make it clear to the female in subtle terms that the anus should be taken care of with caution. The female must understand that anal pleasure is divine and when done properly it can give both the partners a really good experience of sex.
After all the cleansing steps have been taken, it is now time for the male partner to perform the ultimate act. You have to be extremely cautious with anal. If your female partner has never experienced anal, it is going to be a traumatic experience for her if you slip up. First of all, apply a good amount of lubricants to both- your and your partner’s genitals. Petroleum jelly or any other hair oil can be used for this purpose. Take some oil in your palms and apply it over the female partner’s butthole’s exterior region. You may also have to pour some amount into the hole after stretching it with your index finger and thumb. Make sure that the female does not feel very uncomfortable during all this. Some amount of discomfort is unavoidable. Hence, it is important to keep reminding your partner that this is how it is supposed to play out; that this much quantity of unease cannot be eliminated and that it will ultimately lead to pleasure.
Lubrication on the female partner’s private region is not sufficient. You must make sure that your penis is also well lubricated. Take some oil in your palms and smear your penis with it by performing some basic penis exercises. There is double advantage to be found in such an activity. First, the penis is sufficiently lubricated and second it is made hard enough for penetration.
After going through the lubrication process sufficiently, you must now move on to the final stage. It is time for you to experience the best pleasure in the world. Remember that an anal pleasure is more likely to cause more harm to a female partner than a male partner. Hence, go gentle. The key to successfully doing anal is to make sure you don’t rush it. Start by applying some oil on your index finger and slowly inserting it in the anus of your female partner. Again, do not be too fast or harsh. Use only one finger at first. Try to loosen up your partner’s anal passage with your finger as much as possible.
After the anus has been effectively loosened up, you have to now move on to the main act. Introduce your member to the entrance of your female partner’s anus slowly. Do not thrust it in all at once. Make sure that the head is regularly adjusted to fit into the butt hole. If you see even a pang of pain in your partner’s eyes or face, withdraw immediately. You have to ease into her, not ram in. Keep asking her questions regarding her comfort levels during all this. Assure her that you are there to take care of her if anything goes wrong even by accident.
The most important element of trying anal for the first time is the level of trust you and your partner share with each other. Your female partner needs to trust you enough with this new experiment. Ask her enough times about her comfort levels. Do not force yourself on or into her. Anal can spell excruciating pain for the one receiving it. Though it may turn out to be a mine of pleasure later, the initial pains are enough for the female partner to say no. Always make sure that your partner is not repulsed by the idea of doing anal. The pleasure of anal is not for everyone. There are people who do not particularly enjoy the idea of something entering the passageway that they use for taking a dump. Additionally, not all males are great fans of anal either. There are those who are not very fond of their members entering a messy region. If the very idea of anal pleasure does not seem to be your type of thing, do not even venture into this region. Prostate orgasm, as it has been mentioned, is not your regular orgasm. You do not experience ejaculation of any sorts. What really happens in a prostate orgasm is that your anal muscles are excited to such levels that it induces a regular orgasm. The name ‘prostate orgasm’ is hence a misnomer. The right phrase should be prostate-induced orgasm. Regardless, many couples from around the globe have been known to benefit from experiencing anal pleasure. I see no reason why you shouldn’t. Just make sure that both the partners are not just aware of the consequences but are also willing to take the risks. Sex lives are taken to another level when elements of surprise are introduced to them. Anal pleasure is one such suggestion which when made may raise eyebrows. However, once you have mastered it, you will find it more satisfying than the regular ventures. Being an unexplored region, anal is usually ignored by couples looking for better ways to experience sexual pleasure. I can let you in on a little secret- Anal is the best form of penetration between a man and a woman there is. Master it and you won’t regret doing it. Take it from me that after you have had enough of it, you will be asking for more.
We have all had fantasies in life. I would call you a liar if you denied having even a single sexual fantasy in your life. It is aa matter of common sense that humans being sexual predators that they are, are prone to imagining themselves getting some action in unexpected places and with unexpected people. Fantasies have always been an innate part of the history of the human libido. Fantasy is not age restricted. A school going kid fantasizes as much as a horny soccer mom. It should not be an embarrassment to admit to having them. It is completely okay to harbor and entertain fantasies as long as you are not cheating. Some opposing forces claim that fantasizing is nothing less than cheating. However, this is a fat load of lies. You are not cheating by thinking of a situation that has got the potential to arouse you; you are only helping yourself express sexually.
The idea behind writing this chapter is to make your readers aware of the powers of fantasies in helping humans achieve orgasms. It is an established fact that orgasms are majorly biological in nature. The arrival of bodily liquids after a good session of wild and hot sex is often referred to as having an orgasm. Strictly biologically speaking orgasm is equivalent to ejaculation. However, psychologists differ in their views on the issue. They are more liberal in their approach to the subject of orgasms. They are of the opinion that an orgasm is merely a state of mind; that more than anything biological, it is a well drawn out psychological phenomena.
We have a variety of fantasies. However, when it comes to sex, there are some forbidden mental places that we like to pay visits to regularly. There are always such scenarios where we imagine ourselves to be in a certain situation with certain persons doing certain things. Such a thing is called a sexual fantasy.
Your female partner’s imagination may be as wide as the river Mississippi. All you have got to do is find a way in. The first step to fulfilling a fantasy is to first get familiar with it. A fantasy could involve comic characters; medieval themed scenarios or anything that has taken roots deep in the minds of the person.
You can take the help of fantasies to arouse your female to extreme levels. Of course you cannot simply sit them and ask them regarding what their sexual fantasies are. It does not work that way. They are not going to tell you about their embarrassing imaginations. Chances are high that if you do end up asking them about their fantasies, they are going to be all the more defensive about it and never reveal them to you ever. Do not be direct about this.
One good way to learn about your partner’s deep fantasies is to subtly and indirectly ask them regarding their inner desires. Some females have fantasies regarding being slowed in a particular position, while others prefer something wilder like having sex in the balcony. It differs from woman to woman. Just because she does not mention it, it does not mean that she doesn’t have any. You could also encourage her to tell you hers by first sharing yours with her. Do not be embarrassed about the issue; it’s something that you two as lovers need to know about each other. Remember that it is completely ordinary to have fantasies.
After you have somehow extracted the required knowledge regarding your partner’s fantasies, it is time for you to act on them. The previous chapter was about the element of surprise. You can use it to your benefit with fantasies too. Do not mention a single word of your intentions to your partner. For example, if one of the deepest desires of your female partner is to do it on the terrace, you can always start by first dusting the terrace and arranging the necessary furniture there. All of this should happen without your partner getting any clue about it. Light some candles upstairs, arrange for a good dinner, wear clean clothes, buy her a new pair of lingerie and ask her to wear it. Blindfold her and walk her to the rooftop. Whisper into her ears that you love her and open the blindfold for her to see everything that you have done for her. Make sure that you allow her the time to take in everything that is happening. Do not rush into the act. Wait for her to respond. She is probably awing at your efforts by now.
Dress up in her favourite character from the show she watches the most. Sexualize this character by adding the required props and wearing an outfit that is smoking hot. For example, if she is a big fan of the Batman series, you could go to a cosplay store and buy a Robin suit and tweak it to appear sensual instead of comical. She is bound to appreciate your efforts even if you guess her favourite character wrong.
Remember that most people are too conscious about their fantasies being weird to admit to them. If your partner happens to be one of such people, the first and foremost thing you must do is help them get rid of the stigma attached to having a fantasy.
Fantasies are places where people wander off to in times of leisure and inactivity. All of us have them. Sometimes we are just too shy to admit to having them. You need to grasp the fact that it is perfectly human to entertain fantasies. Some of our fantasies may be too abnormal or embarrassing. You know what’s the best way to make them less embarrassing? Fulfilling them. When you fulfill someone’s fantasy, they are not just happy that their imagination came to life but they are also grateful to you to make it all less awkward. You have just made possible the stuff that your partner’s dreams were made of. A good orgasm draws life from little things as these. Orgasm does not happen in vacuum. It needs to be nurtured and nourished since a long time before jumping into the bed.
PART 14: MISTAKES AND MISCONCEPTIONS
Sex is a primal human activity. Though we have been at it since the entry of Adam and Eve into our planet, we are yet to master all aspects of it. We are still unfamiliar with some of the major areas of the human body that can fine tuned to give you the best sexual experience possible. We as humans tend to overthink and over assess our sexual prowess and performance. It is not an uncommon phenomenon for a person to grapple with thoughts regarding the art of sex. As it’s said, to err is human. We are inexperienced and clueless about a lot of things. As a result, when it comes to orgasms, we tend to commit some mistakes. This chapter is all about such mistakes and hoe to avoid and deal with them.
Firstly, an orgasm is not synonymous to climax. The word ‘climax’ signifies the end. It is not necessary that sex should stop at the first orgasm. If you are adventurous enough and your female partner is willing to contribute further, you can have multiple orgasms. Most people stop after ejaculating the first time around. It is considered perfectly normal to seek and perform multiple orgasms. Scientists have been known to advocate for multiple orgasms in order to keep your heart rate healthy. So having an orgasm should not be considered the end of your sexual activity. Go ahead, have some more of it and enjoy to the fullest.
A lot of people are wary about having multiple orgasms thinking that it depletes the male sperm bank. Here is what you need to understand- the human sperm bank is not a bag of sperms that gets emptied every time you ejaculate. It is not an exhaustible source of biological material! Every moment that you take breaths, you are automatically creating sperm inside your body. Subconsciously, you are making sperms as you are reading this. Please get rid of medieval notions like these and do not refrain yourself from having a good time with your female partner.
A common mistake that people make in the bed is pushing for it. Orgasm is a state of body and mind where a person feels exhilarated and happy. It is the perfect place of happiness that lasts for a couple of seconds. However, not everyone can achieve orgasm at one go. Some people just don’t have the right mood or energy for it on a certain day. Not being able to achieve orgasm or make your partner achieve hers is not a sign of sexual weakness or diminishing manliness. You must accept the fact that factors like stress and depression can interfere in your sexual performance and are potential impediments to your or your partner’s orgasmic pleasure. That does not mean that you are supposed to push for orgasm. Learn to let it be sometimes. Accept the fact that you are stressed tonight and read a article or watch a movie instead. Sex is not the solution to every hurdle in life.
An orgasm should not be the end of your sexual activity. It is a common observation that males usually go to sleep or invest their attention in other activities right after sex. On the other hand, the womenfolk are more emotionally attached to the entire business of sex. The women are more likely to stay in bed and cuddle instead of falling asleep right after sex. The Nature has differentiated between the two sexes on various grounds and this is one minute one of them. For the sake of courtesy and basic kindness, you should not get out of the bed or sleep right after having an orgasm or helping your female partner get one. Do not behave detached after a sex session. You can instead choose to cuddle or just put your arm around your partner and talk to them. Such actions tend to convey that the woman means more than sex to you. They signify your desire to stay and look after the female for a while. Such behavior often leads to the building up of a strong relationship. And naturally, when a woman is emotionally stable and sentimentally attached to her partner, the chances of her orgasming without any inhibitions are multi-fold.
Like it has been mentioned a hundred times before, an orgasm does not start in the bed. For women, it starts way before they reach the bedroom. Women have a tendency to notice and mind very insignificant things. For them, the way a man talks, behaves and walks is more important than the amount of money he has in his bank account. They are more interested in how a man behaves socially than how he behaves sexually. They are okay with an average sexual performer but they will have a problem with a socially inappropriate man. It is all in their heads. Hence, you must take care that besides being a good looker, a talker and possessing an amazing body, you must be socially proper. Know how to address females and behave around them. Opening the door and allowing them to pass first, passing them the tissue paper on the dinner table and doing little things for them even when they have not asked for it are mere examples of how you could behave like a chivalrous and proper man.
The most disastrous mistake a man can commit when it comes to sex is not giving attention to the woman’s viewpoint. Did you ask her before pulling out and spraying your manhood all over her? Had you taken her consent about switching from the regular hole to the unconventional one? These things are of utmost importance and must not be ignored. It is not just about taking consent; it is about following certain principles. She may not complain about it to you but her trust in you won’t be that great either. An orgasm is a happy place for a woman. It is that state in her sexual experience where she can let go of herself and be completely naked in the truest sense of the word. At that point, she lets all the joy that she is feeling wash over her. She is thinking about nothing else but the happiness that is consuming her. You can add to this extreme pleasure by being a decent human being and taking her opinions into consideration. Being a man is not all about being strong and assertive; it is also about being kind and considerate. If your woman is not comfortable with the anal position, do not push for it. For all you know, she could have agreed to try it out had you been casual about it. Now that you have nagged and insisted on it, she has no mood to say yes or even give it a go.
There is another gave folly that men tend to make in bed. The pressure of reaching the big O is so much on men that they tend to lose sight of the clear path. They feel unnecessarily burdened with the task of making their women reach their orgasms, thereby putting too much of importance on it. They start feeling nervous about it hours before they reach the bed. This kind of frenzy is harmful for male performance, and by extension does not allow the woman to reach the land of O.
Be gentle about the whole thing. The idea of a good experience of sex is not mercilessly pounding at your woman’s vagina. That is a caveman’s concept of having sex. You are a fine gentleman. You have to be more than a man-meat. You cannot expect your woman to be content with your mere rushing through the whole process. Women are sensitive creatures. They are not sex toys to be used and thrown aside. Remember that a woman is turned on more by a man’s varying pace and sensible nature during the act than by his visor or strength. Make sure that your thrusting is not too harsh or sudden. Sometimes your woman may feel cramps and seizures in her private parts owing to constant pounding. This may result from incessant humping. Do not commit that mistake. Make the experience more romantic than sexual. Pay good attention to her moans and moods. Sometimes woman tend to communicate with you during sex. Learn to read your woman’s body language during the act. If she is being visibly uncomfortable during it, pause to ask her if she is okay with your pace. If she replies in negative, vary your speed accordingly. Play some music in the background to help you with maintaining the right pace. Jazz may help, as it is a slow yet soulful form of music. AA pop song when played makes you pound your woman without any stopping. Avoid choosing metal songs as they are fit for only boys’ night outs and concerts.
Do not ignore the clitoral stimulation part of sex. A woman’s most sensitive sexual part is her clitoris whose sole purpose is to provide her sexual pleasure of the highest order. Learn how to incite her using clitoral stimulation. It is known to be present on the upper side of the vaginal wall, generally between the vaginal tract and the urethra. One good way to locate the clarets is to insert your index finger inside your woman’s vagina and making a curling action that resembles asking someone to come towards you. You will likely brush against a rippled mini structure of muscle. You have just found the female clitoris. However, once found, it must be aroused by mere touching. You can choose to play with it to arouse your lady. You have to keep in mind that the clitoris is the most sensual and the most delicate part of the female reproductive system. Do not scratch against it relentlessly in your attempts to arouse her.
Intercourse is not the only way for a woman to reach her orgasmic stage. It is a gross misconception among men that the only plausible way to make sure that their women reach the land of the big O is by insertion of their penises. There are other and better ways of making your woman satisfied in bed. Digital penetration for example, refers to the insertion of fingers in the vaginal tract so as to make the woman reach her orgasm. It is a great way to make your woman moan by mere use of fingers. Similarly, you can also try prostate orgasm. It is the sexual arousal of the anus of the woman that assists in the regular orgasm. Another amazing way men tend to ignore is tongue-induced orgasm. The human tongue is a great tool. Women simply go crazy when a man goes down on them. There are a lot of women who successfully and regularly achieve orgasms by the use of tongues by their men. There are two forms of tongue usage- first; licking the outer part of the vagina- this refers to the use of tongue on the skin of the exterior vagina. The second way to use your tongue is by inserting the tip of your tongue into the vaginal tract. Both the ways have been proved to be extremely sensual and arousing.
Do not skip the seduction part of the entire experience. Most women are turned off by their men ignoring the most brilliant process of seduction. It is just like lifting heavy weights on the first day of your gym. You cannot do that without developing cramps. Sex is nothing different. You have to make the whole experience romantic, sensual and appealing. Skipping straight to the part where you rip each other’s clothes to indulge in regular penetration is not the way to go about doing it. As it has been stressed a lot of times in this article, women are sensitive and emotional creatures. They appreciate it when their men take care to woo them wholesomely.
PART 15: READY, GET SET…BANG! SEX POSITIONS THAT’LL MAKE HER CUM BACK FOR MORE!
Alright! We have now come to the main event, the main course and the climax: the sex act itself! And it is with – pardon the pun – pleasure that I present to you the most important sexual positions for helping your woman enjoy orgasms each and every time!
THE CEREBRAL POSITION
Before even getting physical, it’s important to help your women get into the right cerebral (or mental) position. Doing so maximizes your chances of getting the most out of the following sexual positions for helping her orgasm, every time. If her mind isn’t where it should be, you increase the risk of her not getting where she wants to go – that much-coveted “O”.
One of the best ways to be in the best cerebral position is to encourage her to let her mind wander sexually. Tell her the gloves are off and that no thoughts are off limits. Assure her there isn’t a sexual thought too kinky to be taboo. By doing this, you make her very comfortable with you – and hornier too!
Appealing to her senses can also help her put her mind in the right sexual position. Pay close attention to your woman both in and out of the bedroom, particularly which scents, sounds and environments help turn her on. Aside from musk-scented cologne that I mentioned earlier, take note of what scents she says she loves and puts her in the mood. Figure out too, if certain kinds of music and the ambience help turn her on. And don’t just know them – act on what you’ve discovered. Do your best to set the scene to prime her mentally for sex and climax.
Although in general, selflessness is a virtue worth having, encouraging her to be selfish every now and then can work wonders to put her in the right sexual frame of mind. When she’s too worried about pleasing you, she tends to deprive herself of her own needs, which makes sweet love making not so sweet at all.
Lastly, help her focus. One of the best ways to do that is by timing your sexual moments thoughtfully. It’s going to be very difficult to get her in the right sexual frame of mind for an orgasm if you spontaneously grab her for a quickie, particularly if you time it on her lunch break on a really busy day! (Not that a well-orchestrated quickie won’t be welcome by almost all women, at least some of the time. They make a nice change of pace). Put some careful thought and planning into the festivities and how you want them to unfold. Plan a sexy getaway on a weekend, so that there are minimal distractions and she can stay focused on experiencing the beautiful pleasures of making love with you.
Now that you’ve got her in the right sexual frame of mind, it’s time to get physical!
MODIFIED MISSIONARY CAT
Her mission, should she choose to accept it, is to lie on her back with a pillow beneath her buttocks, bring her hips up, then, to bring her legs far back towards her chest and shoulders as if she’s folding herself in half. Why the need for this contortion? To allow you to penetrate her deeper and to thrust more easily, which is beneficial for both of you. Most of all, the modified missionary allows you to stimulate her G-Spot more effectively.
Just a word on this position: it’s just opening act to warm her up for an even bigger bang. As soon as her spot has been primed well, she can put her legs down. You’re then ready for a position called the “coital alignment technique” or CAT. With this position, you align your pelvic bone with her clitoris. Once aligned, you rock your pelvic bone against her clitoris until she comes.
By starting with her legs ups, you give her the chance to gradually heat up and peak, allowing her to enjoy greater genital sensitivity. And by concluding with the CAT rub, you’ll be able to give her a much stronger and more pleasurable orgasm than simply doing the CAT position.
MODIFIED DOG-STYLE
I’m pretty sure that at some point, you and your woman have done it on all fours or “doggy style”. But to make this position work for her, in terms of reaching orgasm, you need to switch things up a bit.
Start by asking her to lie down on her stomach with her butt slightly elevated so you can penetrate her by propping yourself up in a push-up position or lying on top of her. I sincerely advise against the latter, though.
This modified come-from-behind technique increases the friction between your penis and her genitals as you move your penis in and out of her vagina. She can also increase the pleasure by simultaneously rubbing her clit against the bed.
RELAXED ORGASM
Let’s face it, with the many different sexual techniques available, sex can feel like a workout, more than a lovemaking session. A more relaxed alternative would be this position.
Ask her to lie on her back while you lie on your side facing her. Then ask her to put her legs on your thighs and hips, as if creating a bridge on them. Gently thrust in and out of her – if your penile length allows – until she comes. You can also use your top hand to stimulate her for orgasm too – or she can do it herself.
This position is ideal if your woman takes quite a while to come because, this position doesn’t require much physical effort, which reduces the chances of either (or both of you) conking out prior to orgasm.
COWGIRL RIDIN’ HIGH
This position is a sure fire one that will allow her to achieve orgasm, every time. Why? For one, it frees her to set the pace and adjust the depth of thrusting, instead of you determining that factor. Even better, she has access to her clitoris for optimal stimulation! She can fondle it; you can touch it or rub your pubic bone against it to help her climax.
Another great way for her to ride you to ecstasy is by turning around, with her back to you, facing your feet. In this reverse cowgirl position, she’ll put her legs together and put her feet under your shoulders, which gives the position a much tighter feel, increasing the friction between your penis and her vagina and increasing the sensation even more. Another added benefit is better G-Spot stimulation. If you compliment this by simultaneously stimulating her clit, then she’s in for a really intense climax!
ALL OVER THE PLACE
One way to increase sexual arousal is to make sex more exciting. You can do this by having sex in places you normally wouldn’t think about doing it – like the kitchen!
Part of the excitement is that you and your woman are vulnerable to discovery. What if someone walks in and catches the two of you going at it? Even if you live alone, what if the neighbors accidentally see you having sex through the open window? Ideas like these can be very exciting and exhilarating and arouse your woman even more than the usual!
You can have sex using a kitchen table that’s about as high as your waist. Lay her down on it, her ass near the table’s edge. Spread her legs wide and stand in between them, holding both her hips to give you much needed leverage. She can relax by placing her feet on your shoulders.
This position has several benefits. First, your hands are as free as a bird to caress, stroke and fondle her all over. And because you’re at an angle that’s perpendicular to her, you have unobstructed access to her clitoris. You can stimulate her so much more and eventually, help her reach a thundering climax.
SPOON MAN
Remember how women are more emotional about sex than men? Well, the spoon position is just about the most emotionally engaging sexual position for you and your woman. To do this, ask her to lay on her side with you doing the same, right behind her. After inserting your penis, softly thrust it against her vagina’s front wall instead of thrusting in and out as you normally would. This cuddly position, which is great for emotional connection, also allows for consistent G-Spot stimulation. And you know by now, stimulating the G-Spot is key to helping your woman orgasm.
The thing with this position is that, unless you’re Jack Napier (who happens to be the most generously-endowed guy in the history of porn) you won’t be able to penetrate your woman as deeply as you normally would in other positions. To make up for this, use your hands to stimulate her where it matters most to complement stimulating her G-Spot.
WATERWORKS
Yes, water really does work, especially if you have access to a Jacuzzi. If you don’t, you can make a very special dirty weekend of it by renting a hotel with a Jacuzzi tub, or even an outdoor hot tub. Imagine the two of you taking off for a weekend away with mysterious and mischievous smiles on your faces (you’ll read more about orgasmic adventures away in the chapter later on in this article).
For this position, you’ll need a silicone lubricant that extends her natural lubrication. This can get a little lost in the water for a lot of women, so I highly recommend it. Make sure the water is nice and warm, but not too hot. Add some scented bubble bath (not oil, as pouring this in a hot tub can have cleaning consequences the staff will hate you for) and light some sexy, scented candles. Float a rubber ducky or two on the surface of the gently bubbling water. Now you’re ready for truly transcendent aquatic variation on Doggy Style – Waterworks!
Once you’re both in the tub, the sky’s the limit for play. The slippery, slidey water, the bubble bath, the candles and, of course, the silicone lube, will begin to work their magic in mere moments! Now, Orgasmatron, your mission is to work your woman into a lather – quite literally! Take advantage of the frothy fun offered by the bubble bath. Make it into a moustache and beard – on both of you. Make wobbly, white mounds of her boobs! Have fun and while you’re both still laughing, surprise her and move in on the foreplay. Using all the tricks you’ve learned in this highly erotic setting, knead, stroke and caress your way to the punchline.
Invite her to stand up and turn around, her ass in the air, clearing the water, as it burbles around the two of you. Now place her hands on the edge of the tub, on either side of one of the jets. She’ll know exactly what’s going to happen next. Cup her ass checks suggestively, pulling them apart and fondling them appreciatively. Lube your cock and as you do, make sure to tell her what you’re doing (don’t linger on the self-lubrication part too long – you know why).
Gently and slowly enter her and as you do, tell her how hot she looks. Then, as you’re sliding in and out, guide her hips toward the jet. Prevent her from lowering herself onto it, until the moment is right. She will want to get straight to the point, but if your timing is right, you’ll be able to achieve the kind of mutual pleasure you’ve always dreamed of. Prevent her from satisfying her now urgent need to lower her pussy onto the waiting jet.
When you feel you’re getting close to orgasm, release her hips, as you continue thrusting. As the pulsating water from the jet hits her in just the right spot (her ready clit), she will explode in a matter of seconds. Hopefully, this will happen just as you explode yourself.
Nothing like a little aquatic erotic adventure!
THE CARPET GRIND
I hope you don’t think floors are just for walking on. They’re a great alternative to the bed, especially for this move, which is bound to send your woman right over the border, into the Land of “O”.
Make sure the carpet’s clean, for starters. There’s nothing worse than getting down there naked and discovering that a forgotten cheesy, with a bunch of hair and dust bunnies stuck to it has lodged itself between your ass cheeks. And there’s your first clue. You will be seated on the floor, with your legs stretched out in front of you, supporting yourself by placing your hands behind you. Get comfortable! How you get to the floor, naked, is entirely up to you, but the possibilities are endless and include a lot of sexy, smoldering foreplay.
Your woman will sit down on you, facing your feet. She’s in the driver’s seat for this one (but you get to be a backseat driver!). You should be leaning slightly backward to accommodate her movements. As she’s sitting down, her feet should be planted on the floor, on either side of your outstretched legs. (INSERT DIAGRAM).
Both of you have pubococcygeus (PC) muscles (INSERT DIAGRAM), but this position is especially good for her to use the ones she has. As she grinds on your pelvis in a circular motion (back and forth and a little up and down, if she can manage it – depending on fitness), she can squeeze these to heighten her pleasure. At the same time, you can move your pelvis is small semi-circles to echo the movement she’s making. This is a grinding motion that stimulates her internal pleasure centers (like the G-Spot). You can certainly help, by using one hand to stroke her breasts, back, ass and thighs. She can also help herself by stimulating her clitoris.
YIN YANG
The classic “69” position is shaped like the yin yang, most appropriately. This mutually pleasurable position delivers simultaneous oral stimulation to both partners (and hopefully simultaneous orgasms). The idea of yin yang is that apparent opposites actually hold the universe together in tension. What could be a more fulsome expression of this than a man and woman having sex? Opposites attract, but they also form a tension and in this manifestation of the yin yang, which means the sexual tension you’ll be drawing on to successfully execute one of the most popular sexual positions in the world.
I suggest that 69 not be attempted too early on in the upward arc of your sex play. Other foreplay should precede it. I say this as we’ve talked about before; men and women have differing agendas and challenges when it comes to reaching orgasm. Men have difficulty not cumming too soon, whereas women often feel they’re taking too long to do the same. That means you need to arrive at a mutual level of sexual arousal, taking into account your orgasmic differences. Stimulating your woman to reach this mutuality, either orally, or manually (perhaps using Tantric massage) is the best way to achieve it. This will make the 69 much more erotically charged and mutually satisfying. Read on to discover the dao (oneness) of yin yang.
While I’ve talked about cleanliness in this article before, it applies equally to both partners and what could be more stimulating than a bath or shower together? Your silicon lubricant, so effective for use in water, can be employed, as you bath each other’s bodies and you stimulate her to the point she needs to be. Tease her by demanding that she not touch your penis. (You do the same! You’ll need it to look its most attractive after your water play and that means being mouth ready, in all its awesome glory). You want to remain as hard as possible for as long as possible and let her catch up, to be good and sure she’s well primed for the Big Bang.
Whichever way you choose to execute the 69, be sure it’s completely comfortable for both of you. Woman hovering over man. Man hovering over woman. Both work, but not for everybody. Keep in mind that the object here is to get you both off, but if you’re reading this, you’re particularly interested in getting her off, so let her guide this decision. If your woman has a preferred way of performing this position, then that’s the way you need to go, if you want to ensure she has an orgasm. Another way you can do the 69 is by you being on all fours, with her on the bottom. It’s probably best for whoever’s on the bottom in this position to have a pillow to rest their head on, as it involves moving the head up and down and might strain the neck. Another option is lying side by, with each of you resting your heads on the other’s lower thigh.
As always, remaining aware of your woman’s response can make or break the 69. You know why you’re here, Agent Orgasmo. You’re here to deliver the Big Bangs and make your woman the happiest in town. So pay attention to what’s going on with her, even though I understand how difficult that is when she has her penis in your mouth, or is licking your balls. While it’s a challenge, it’s not impossible and that’s the only way you’re going to know the dao of this position. Try not to get lost in the delicious sensations you’re experiencing and think about your approach to her pleasure and how you can lick her into a frenzy and an unforgettable orgasm.
ALL HANDS ON DECK
Depending on how adventurous you both are, this position can be called upon just about anywhere. The movie theatre, the car, boating on the lake, or behind the sand trap on the golf course (in that difficult stand of trees everyone’s always complaining about). Mutual masturbation is a handy alternative, no matter where you are. Even on a darkened airplane underneath the complementary blanket, mutual manual pleasuring is a lot of fun, especially in a pinch. But it can also be great during certain types of role-play, or as part of an extended, languid, Sunday morning sex session. It’s also a welcome addition to late night porn viewing and may have an edge of illicit naughtiness that both of you will find appealing.
As always, I can’t say enough about lube. I am a huge fan of it and with mutual masturbation; it’s an absolute must. That means keeping it handy. Popping a tube into her purse, or carrying cellophane pouches of it with you, in your wallet can be a good practice. The glove box of your car, your golf bag or lunch box are also likely places to secrete lube for those moments you’re feeling the urge and you’re not in the comfort of your own home.
But mutual masturbation is a genuine turn on in public places. There is nothing naughtier than getting it on where you’re not supposed to. When it’s mutual masturbation you’re talking about, half the fun is the discretion required to make it work. Many of us don’t do this often, because we feel it’s something we left behind in adolescence, but that’s the hot part. You’re just a pair of horny teenagers who (quite literally) can’t keep your hands off each other.
If you’re going to take your little puppet show out into the world, then dress for it. Wear generously proportioned clothing that’s capable of concealing the work your hands are doing. In winter, long topcoats are ideal for this. In summer, loose, flowing clothing achieves the same effect. This can be a little more difficult for men, due to the nature of pants, but there are looser models out there and your woman’s clothing, especially if she’s wearing a long skirt and perhaps a flowing scarf, can take up the slack as she unzips you and takes it out of your shorts.
Part of the fun of public sex is planning it with your woman. Describe what you want to do, plan your outfits and then choose the locale you’re going to be naughty little masturbators in. You can even write a hanky panky storyline and engage in a little role-play. Discover each other and your irresistible attraction in the stacks at the public library. Encounter each other as attractive strangers in the mysterious darkness of a movie theatre. There’s no limit to the adventures and mischief you two can get up to out there.
RUBBING IT THE RIGHT WAY
There will be times when you’re out together and the sexual volume will be cranked up to “take your head off”. Why suffer? Why go home? There are other ways to deal with this and one of them has just been described. But what if there’s no lube? What if you’re at a public art installation, or strolling through the ruins of ancient Rome – at a NASCAR event? Not a problem. Frottage is here to help.
Commonly associated with public transit molesters and gay men, frottage is a variation on mutual masturbation is average het folk, too, in which the hands aren’t necessarily employed. Your woman, or you, or both of you may simultaneously rub your genitals on the other, in order to reach orgasm. As with the 69, you can help your woman by stimulating her privately, before taking your “frot” public. A visit to the bathroom, or the car can take care of this, offering you the opportunity to ramp up her arousal to the point she’ll be able to orgasm by rubbing herself against the body part of her choice. Finding the right place to do this can be challenging, but a low wall to conceal your activity, or a crowd standing around you can conceal the fact you’re grinding on each other. Of course, frottage works best for your woman when the penis is erect, so loose trousers or shorts are the order of the day. Having something to rub her erect clit against makes it more likely she’ll be rubbed the right way. In winter, an overcoat is a frotter’s best friend, allowing you to appear to be only kissing, when you’re actually grinding away furiously, out of public view, under your overcoats.
Frottage is a fun variation on mutual masturbation and is also incredibly hot in the context of fantasy role-play, if you’re planning a full on frotting adventure. Meet in a fancy uptown bar. She’s the girl next door, attending a conference. You’re the horny salesman, scoping out the bar for sexy prospects. Tour a crowded museum. You’re the secretly amorous art historian, with the bookish good looks. She’s the dedicated party girl, looking for an adventurous frotfest.
Frotting is a nice, convenient alternative to penetrative sex, from time to time. It can add something new to your repertoire for a change of pace, or be the focus of a public, erotic adventure. You never know, right? Best of all – no lube required!
Did you really think I wasn’t going to go there? Well, think again! It’s time to talk about toys and how they can help you help your woman ascend to the heavens – the celestial home of the Big Bang! There are plenty of people out there who are going to tell you that using toys in bed makes you less of a man; that using toys means you’re somehow deficient. I’m here to tell you that’s bull.
Toys are your friends and homies. They are not only useful; they’re entertaining (which is why they’re called toys). They don’t make you any less sexually potent, or mean you’re not up to the challenge. Toys just add to the fun, extend your mutual pleasure and add another dimension to love making.
It’s not another “penis” in the bed. It’s an inanimate object and it’s not even always a dildo! Sometimes, it’s a vibrating egg, or some other object of helpful interest. All that matters is that no matter which toy you use, you’re adding a layer of fun to your playtime.
And that’s the key, right there.
Sex is adult play. It’s people getting naked and doing what grownups often do for fun. When you think of it that way, is it really such a stretch to welcome the use of toys into your love play? C’mon! Get over yourself.
There are so many toys on the market. There’s everything from a large dildo, resembling a superhuman male penis, to small (but strategically shaped) items, intended to stimulate the G-spot. There’s even a toy that can be partially inserted in the vagina, on one end, fitted snugly over the clit, with the other. Meanwhile, you get to have fun manipulating the toy to maximize your woman’s pleasure.
The best part of sex toy play? You get to use lube! Now, here’s where women might become a little insecure. Some women feel that the use of lube implies that they’re not “wet” enough, meaning there’s something wrong with their sexual response. But that’s not the case. Lube is just another way to make sex more fun for both of you and extend your mutual pleasure. As I’ve said, I’m lube’s biggest fan.
Using toys isn’t the only time you can use lube. You can use it any time, to making the going more slippery and slidey and thus, more fun for both of you. Lube can be used on nipples, too. It’s not just for the vagina. You can also use it for anal penetration (which is a whole other article) and penetration with your fingers. Lube comes in a variety of flavors and can even heat up when applied.
How fun is that?
Imagine a vibrating egg that you can insert in your woman’s vagina and manipulate with a remote control. You could be anywhere to have this kind of fun – the car, a restaurant, the mall, the PTA meeting…the sky’s the limit.
Toys open up a world of sensual pleasure that can make sex between the two of you a wet and wild adventure that never ends. They can be your partners in orgasmic crime, helping you bring your woman a universe of orgasmic variety. Why settle for only a little corner of what’s possible? Shoot the moon. Enlist some little soldiers to work your woman into the kind of sweat that will make her swoon at the sight of you.
A man who’s secure enough to use toys in the bedroom is one who’s adventurous, playful and 100% man. Women love the idea that you’re willing to experiment, because they’re adventurous and curious by nature – just like we are. Remember – your willingness to experiment will make her feel freer to ask for what she deeply desires. That blows the lid off your sex life. It opens the world to the two of you and makes sex a joyful adventure. Orgasms can become a way of life, if you’re both ready and willing to play with all the toys out there available to enhance your sex life and make it truly incredible.
I warned you we were going there and here we are – beyond sex toys and lube. We’re now in the land of make believe. Because imagination is where sex really takes off and becomes a whole new experience.
If you’ve been with someone for a while, sex can become routine. It doesn’t matter how attracted you are to each other, eating even prime rib every day can get old. Even if you’re a relatively new couple, sex can get a little boring if you don’t venture into new territory ever so often.
Dressing up is a fun way to bring a sense of adventure into your bedroom that you never believed possible. Women especially love fantasy and imagination and when you’re able to show your woman that you’re ready to play that game with her, her response will be more than gratifying.
Women often dress up for men, wearing stockings and garters, fancy bras and panties and all manner of get ups. Men, though, seldom get in on the act. There’s something about it a lot of guys (including me, until I found out how freakin’ fun it is) can’t get down with.
Like toys, playing games in which you and your woman take on roles, wear costumes and act out sexual fantasies doesn’t mean you’re boring, or that you’re not enough for her. It just means she wants to play act.
Kids spend half their lives play-acting, performing scenes from their favorite TV shows and movies. Why do we stop doing it? There’s something about childhood ending and adulthood beginning that makes us think we’re not supposed to have that kind of fun anymore. But as with toys, role-play can give adults a whole new arena to explore, sexually and open up our sexual worlds, making them more fun and fulfilling.
Listen carefully to your partner. Find out what turns her crank and what sort of scenes she’d like to act out. Maybe you’re the plumber, come to “clean her pipes”, or maybe you’re a politician out knocking on doors and looking for votes, asking what he “can do” to get that vote. The sky is really the limit and it all depends on the two of you and what sets you off.
Careful with any assumptions you make about women’s fantasies. There’s an old idea in circulation that what women really want is to be dominated. While that may be true for some, other women find the idea a real turn off. Before you assume she wants to act out a scene like that, make sure you’re on the right track. Don’t assume. Remember why you’re reading this – to figure out how to bring the Big Bang, each and every time (and more than once, bucko).
There is nothing that will get a woman hotter than you striding into the bedroom in a pair of suspenders, a hard hat and a cup. That’s just one get up. There are thousands more. Fireman, police officer, cowboy, James Bond, you name it. Pick your woman’s brain for clues about what she might like to see and then surprise her with your enterprising and innovative approach to bedroom antics. Your only limitation is your imagination and your woman’s. Take the time to talk to her. Tease those thoughts out of her. If you can’t, then just get the party started, yourself. You’ll find she’ll be pleasantly surprised and that it’s the element of surprise that will open the floodgates to her secret garden of orgasmic delight.
Before you know it, the two of you will have a tickle trunk full of fun stuff to wear. You’ll be surprising each other and having the kind of sex you’ve always dreamed of, with your woman in the sweet land of multiple orgasms every time you so much as look at her. Be her fantasy. Find orgasmic happiness.
Like Madonna says – there’s nothing like a good spanky. Yes, that’s right. We’re about to talk about spanking as yet another way to help you help your women hit that high. And spanking, my friend, is a silver bullet for some women.
As with a lot of other things we’ve discussed in this article, spanking isn’t a unilateral decision you make and just spring on your woman. It’s something you need to explore with her. It’s not a matter of just belting out words to the effect of “Hey! You want me to spank your ass?” No. Don’t do that. There’s a better way.
Introducing spanking in the bedroom is really the only way to see if your woman is interested in the activity. The only reason she would be, of course, is if it’s going to turn her on and help her get to the Big Bang. So your job is to tactfully and playfully gauge her reactions to a few exploratory taps on the hiney.
If she starts swearing at you and pushes you off the bed and onto the floor, you know the answer to your question.
If she giggles, ask her if she likes it. Then try another. Don’t go overboard. That’s a whole other discussion about sex. Spanking as part of sexual play should be fun and it should turn your woman on. Otherwise, it’s abusive and there’s nothing sexy about that. A little slap on a bare bum can be a real turn on for both of you. Just make sure it’s mutual. Make sure she’s enjoying it and make sure it’s helping her get where she wants to go. As I have said throughout this article, you need to watch and listen. What’s her reaction? That’s all that matters. If she doesn’t like what you’re doing, stop. If she likes it, you’ve got a new tune in your orgasmic repertoire!
Once you’ve established that spanking is something that revs your woman up, (whether she’s the spankee or the spanker) find new ways of incorporating it into your sex play. You might even want to integrate spanking into some of your role-playing. Naughty schoolgirl meets head master? Or how about naughty schoolboy meets head mistress? That’s right! She may want to give your bum a smack, too. Sauce, Goose, Gander, baby! All is fair in love and war and sometimes, you’ll find a little spanking may get you as hot as it gets her! What’s not to like?
Spanking doesn’t need to happen only in the bedroom. This kind of play can be a very subtle part of your daily life, engaged in even in public places as part of your extended foreplay strategy. It’s your little secret what you get up to while you’re getting up to it. And it’s your little secret when she gives you that wicked grin at the supermarket, after you affectionately tap her on the ass.
What could be sexier, Mr. Sex Machine?
You may have never gone down this road before, but it could be just what you’re looking for to get your woman to the Land of “O”. Everybody’s different, but if there’s one thing that 50 Shades of Grey demonstrated, a lot of women are interested in a little kinky sex. That’s probably because a lot of women who bought that article (millions of them) haven’t ever ventured into that area. A lot of men haven’t either.
If you want to get the most Big Bang for your buck, then kink is worth exploring. As always, this is not something you just spring on her. This is something you talk about in advance and explore thoroughly as an option before you start going to the sex shop and buying leather straps and riding crops.
Broaching the subject can seem a little daunting, to some. The perception is that kink is a bit of a touchy subject, due to the perception that it’s “weird” or deviant. In truth, it’s just another bedroom option. You needn’t build a dungeon to take a walk on the kinky side. You needn’t invest in latex body stockings, either. What you need to do is establish what sort of kink your woman might be open to and what part of that world touches her in just the right spot.
Kink and fetish play are two different things. We should get that one straight from the get go. (Not that there’s anything wrong with having a fetish. It’s a very common thing and really individual). Kink is being turned on by something – boots, underwear, a particular body part, smoking, etc. A fetish is different because the fetish object is necessary for the person with the fetish to get off. For instance, if it’s boots, they need to be worn during sex. With a kink involving the object, it needn’t be there every time. It can just be a guest star every now and again when the mood strikes!
And that’s what all this about, isn’t it? It’s about mood. Every day isn’t Monday. Every meal isn’t sushi (well, maybe for some guys). No woman is going to be turned on by a steady diet of the same moves, or the same sex play every time you two get down. What women want is connection and sharing a private world of sexual fantasy can genuinely enhance her experience and yours.
Put aside any prejudices you have. You’re on a journey of discovery and while kink may not ultimately be part of that, it may well be something you can call on to pump up your sexual IQ and thus, your woman’s orgasmic quota!
Once you’ve established that a little kink is something the two of you want to try on, pay the local sex shop a visit – together. There’s no point in you going in there all cloak and dagger and lurking around the shelves alone. The two of you need to go. Make it an event. Plan it in advance and cross off the days on the calendar until you go. Then, when the big day comes, choose your sex shop get ups. Be sure to choose something that turns her on. She’ll do the same for you. After you visit, you’re going to want to test drive your new toys, so dressing for the occasion is just another form of foreplay. That’s what the visit to the sex shop is, too. Foreplay, man. Big time.
Do your homework. Choose a sex shop that has a good reputation with its clientele and is couples friendly. You don’t want to hit up one of those places with a backroom business. You want a reputable establishment and these days, there are many. Make sure you and your woman are going to be visiting a place where she’ll be comfortable.
Once you’re there, walk in like you own the joint. Have fun with it. Because you’ve already discussed with your partner what sort of kinky fun you’ll be getting up to together, you’ll know whether to look under “restraints”, or “crops”, or “latex”, or all of the above! You may also want to see what’s there in the way of lubes and other items, as discussed earlier in this article. When it comes to helping your woman cross over that mythical “O” border, you’re pulling out the all the stops, so go for the gusto. Fill up that cart with orgasm-inducing fun!
And listen – don’t feel too badly if you’re both too shy and new to this to go to a sex shop. There’s kink a plenty to be had online, ordered discreetly from the comfort of your own home. There’s no crime in that, if that’s where you’re at. I think it’s more fun to venture out into the big, bad world, but that’s just me. It may be an adventure for another time, for you.
Remember – kink is what you make of it. Experiment with your new toys. Mostly likely, you’ll want to start doing that the minute they’re out of the wrappers! Don’t forget to check in with each other every step of the way. Those steps can lead you in one of two directions – straight to orgasmic nirvana, or straight to the doghouse and there’s no sex in there, my brothers. None at all. Proceed with open communication.
Don’t forget that if you’re going to engage in anything involving bondage (no matter how light it is), you need to establish ground rules. A safe word should be established to ensure that you both know when a line is being crossed. That can be anything from “jello” to “Nixon”. Choose a word you both agree on and one that’s not going to come up in the normal course of your sex play. Honor that word and take it seriously. If you don’t, the doghouse beckons. Make sure you’re both on exactly the same page and not only – be on the same line and the same word. This is very important when adding kink to your sexual repertoire. You’re here to help your woman get off in a seismic and serial way. This should always be at the front of your mind.
If you’re going the bondage route, it might help to bone up (pun entirely intended) a little. Bondage is a fine art, with a psychological component that’s very important to engaging in bondage play effectively. One of you will be dominant and the other, submissive. To perfectly clear – the dom is not always the man and the sub is not always the women. Most people prefer one role to the other, as an extension of their personality. But some, especially newbies, like to switch it up. Being fluid about the respective roles and exploring them is a perfect way to get to know each other more fully, especially in terms of your sexuality. Some dudes won’t like to hear this, but being a sub to your dom woman is actually kinda fun.
Hear me out.
As we’ve discussed earlier, the gender straightjacket tells us who we are and how we should act, from the cradle to the grave. Being a man is work, each and every day and we all know that, whether the world wants to admit it or not. We have a lot of pressure on us to deliver the goods. At work, at home and in bed, we’re expected to fulfill a certain vision of what it means to be male. Our masculinity is constantly in question.
But masculinity is not just one thing. It’s not a stereotype any more than femininity is. It could be that experimenting with your inner sub is the doorway to a whole new way of understanding yourself, as a man. That doesn’t mean it’s for every guy. It’s not. Everybody is not the same. The truth is, though, some of you may find it interesting and best of all, fun. Your woman may also be interested in exploring this side of you and if it gets her off, then you’re in business, right? Oh hell, yeah.
Because you’re always, as a man, expected to be in charge, to be in control of your world and your emotions, playing the submissive role can be a means of surrendering some of the pressure of always being Mr. Tough. Being under someone else’s control and willingly so, represents a moment of release and surrender that you might not be able to take for yourself in other settings. As I said – not for everyone. But some of you may like it. Don’t write it off.
As with everything else, you won’t know until you give it a whirl!
Communicating your desires and encouraging your woman to communicate hers is your road to sexual ecstasy and maybe even the discovery of some things about yourself and her neither of you knew. It’s a whole world of fun, exploration and revelation. Embrace it as fully as you feel you’re ready to. The more willing you are to break out of your straightjacket, the greater the rewards and the more earth-shattering your woman’s orgasms (and yours too, by the way) will be.
Gentlemen, start your kink!
PART 20: THE VISUAL WOMAN; THE ORGASMIC WOMAN
While it’s the conventional wisdom that men are more visual than women. We’re gradually finding out that this is not a general rule, at all.
This has been the thinking behind the reason men have more interest in pornography than women do. But as societal norms change and women’s sexual freedom begins to pull up alongside the freedom we guys have always enjoyed, a lot of us are finding out that women are just as visual as we are.
Women respond just as much to visual stimuli, whether that’s pornography, a beautiful painting, or learning something, as men do. As the world changes, we’re finding out that women are much more like men (regardless of the delightful and endless differences between us), than many suspected.
And guess what? A lot of women enjoy viewing pornography. Some will never admit it, but this is the truth. Ask around. You’ll find out that women you never thought would be interested in that sure as hell are! From erotica, to hard core, pornography is increasingly gaining a female audience.
Because of that gender straightjacket we talked about earlier, women were pushed to the back of the porn bus; left standing outside the dirty movie theater because they weren’t “supposed” to enjoy looking at people having sex. Increasingly, women are rejecting this restriction on their pleasure and taking advantage of the universe of pornography that’s out there.
So if women are turning on to porn, that’s good news for you, my brothers. Because porn can be yet another weapon in your arsenal of nuclear assured mutual orgasmic satisfaction! Watching porn with your woman can be a truly sensual, erotic experience that can result in the kind of sex you both want to have and result in thundering orgasmic events she’ll be telling her friends about for years to (pardon the pun) cum.
But let’s face it. All porn is not created equal. There’s a lot of it she’s not going to be interested in. I don’t need to go into too much detail here, because you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve been doing your homework and finding out what pushes her buttons, then you’ll know what to look for. She may find the sight of two men going at it arousing, but that might make you a little uncomfortable, as it makes a lot of straight guys feel that way. You may find the sight of double penetration hotter than hades, but she may find it gross. You need to look for something to watch together that sets you both off in just the right way.
Neither of you should feel threatened by what you’re viewing together, either. Be aware of that. Women, because of what we talked about in Part 1, need to feel as though they’re the sexiest women in the world in the eyes of their men. You need to keep that mind. At the same time, remember that she’ll be looking at quite an array of bones, if you’re going to view heterosexual porn together. Don’t freak out. Your penis is part of you; Mr. Orgasmatron and if you’re playing your bedroom time the way I’m advising you to, she will hold that part of you in very high esteem, indeed. In fact, she will be writing sonnets to it and perhaps giving it a jaunty name. Don’t get all backed up about a big dick. It’s a movie.
Lesbian porn is always a good bet. Many women, while enjoying it, aren’t particularly interested in going the girly girl route, or even engaging in threesomes. What interests women about lesbian porn (or so I’m told by my own woman) is the fact that the focus is on women’s genitalia. All the action in girl-on-girl pornography revolves around the female orgasm and that’s what you’re interested in achieving. Because there’s no penis in the room, it isn’t an issue and it isn’t the almighty center of attention. It’s all about the womanly love blossom in girl-on-girl and you know what? You may learn some new tricks from your sister Orgasmatrons. If you think lesbians don’t know about women’s orgasms, I can’t help you! They know their way around that equipment, because they have exactly the same equipment!
It just stands to reason, right? Right!
There’s a whole universe of pornography to choose from, both on and offline. Some erotica and soft porn, you’ll both find irresistibly hot. Some hardcore, also. Just avoid anything that includes overt abuse or humiliation of women. That’s not a turn on for her and if you’re the kind of man I think you are, it’s not a turn on for you either.
Mutual satisfaction doesn’t end with just watching pornography together, passively consuming it, as you get hornier and hornier. You should be enjoying each other’s company in every way possible. You may want to fondle each other, as you sip wine, or hold a running commentary. Maybe a contest for the most lewd remark would be fun!
Like everything else suggested in this article as ways and means to bring your woman the joy of boundless orgasmic ecstasy, pornography is a means to an end. It’s for the two of you to enjoy together and for her to build up the head of steam she needs to explode like a neutron bomb. It can be the silver bullet you’re looking for. Just ensure that you know what she likes and then act accordingly. Don’t surprise her with something she’s going to find offensive. Do your shopping as a team and plan for a night of erotic play you’ll never forget.
We’ve taken a good look at all the factors that influence the ability of a woman to get to where she wants to go – the Big “O” – in the pages of this article. We’ve explored physiology, technique, props and toys and lots of other fun stuff and some of the reasons that your woman needs you to be an Orgasm Master to make sure she’s getting there.
Beyond all that, though, there’s good, old-fashioned romance. It never goes out of style and women never stop wanting it to be part of their sex lives. Women are naturally romantic. That doesn’t mean some of us aren’t, too. It just comes more naturally to the average woman than it does to the average man. Add to that our way of seeing the roles we’re “supposed” to play and well, you know how it goes.
Like our emotional lives, our inner Prince Charmings have been stunted by the story we’re told about what men are supposed to be like. Again I say “Bullshit!” Romance is fun and it pays off like the lottery in the bedroom. Take it from me.
SETTING THE SCENE
If you’re not living with your woman, you’re probably like most guys. You don’t really give an actual rat’s ass about the way your place looks. There may even be car parts on the dining room table. Your bed will not only probably not be made, it will probably have a large dog laying in the middle of it, licking its balls.
No, dude. Not romantic. When your woman comes to your home and you want to seduce her like the Orgasmatronic love god you are, you need to clean up the home front. If you’re not willing to do that, your woman should never see the inside of your home. I’m just being honest, here. Nothing turns a woman off quicker than stepping into a world of smelly socks, unmade beds, holey, stanky towels and dirty dishes.
You can do way better than that. Start with clean. (Seriously, this is the minimum effort you should make). The bed, especially, should be made up with clean sheets, dog free and put in some semblance of order. There should be covers on the pillows. Vacuum the rugs. Wash the dishes. Make it look fit for human habitation, especially of the female variety.
Women like it when you make an effort. Cleanliness is the absolute minimum effort you should make if you’re living solo and expecting your honey to come over for a night of love. You won’t get far if your place is a nightmare vision of hell that looks like the herd from the Walking Dead just shambled through there.
But to set the scene for a night of fun with your woman, you need to do a little more. Whether you live together or apart, women love it when you make an effort to please their romantic natures. If you live together, surprise her when she gets home. Have the lights low. Have the candles lit and have the bath drawn. You can hold the rose petals. Nobody expects you to get that detailed.
Lay out the sex toys. Pull down the covers and put on the music. Present her with a glass of wine, as she walks through the door. Be dressed, not to impress, but to appeal. You want her looking you up and down and thinking “yum”, the minute she walks in the door. Look hot, my brothers.
You don’t even have to cook; if that’s something you suck at. In fact, if you suck at cooking, just don’t. Order in! Make it something sensual, like Thai or Indian food. Something that’s not too heavy, so you’re primed for a night of erotic fun and not overstuffed.
FOOD AS ORGASM BOOSTER
You can also think along the lines of aphrodisiacs. It’s widely known that certain foods can up your libido and that’s what you’re going for.
Chilies, containing the chemical capsaicin, are known to get your blood moving and blood has a lot to do with arousal. Capsaicin also stimulates all those nerve endings you’re hoping to get stimulated to help your woman get to the Land of “O”. So whatever you choose, see if you can’t add a little more fire (not that you don’t have plenty already). BONUS: eating chilies helps you fight the battle of bulge!
Asparagus and avocado contain a healthy dose of Vitamin E. This vitamin assists your body and hers to produce all those delightful hormones, like testosterone and estrogen. Feeding her either of these delicious greens will boost swelling in the clitoris and also, vaginal secretions (and we like those, don’t we, gentlemen?)
Pomegranates have always had a reputation for being a super sexy food item, but did you know why? These delicious, seed-filled balls of fun are loaded with antioxidants. These play an important part in the protection of your blood vessels and by now, you know how important those are to sex. When blood rushes to the genitals, arousal is heightened and pomegranates can help with that. Plus, they even look sexy!
GET SCENTSUAL
Sex is all about sensuality and scents are part of that. Even what we can’t smell (but is definitely there) can get us revved up. Pheromones lead us to the one we desire like a silent siren song. But we can choose to heighten the mood that’s already present in our chemical reaction to the women we love to love and hers to us, by adding some strategic olfactory stimulation.
We know women like candles and we know they like them scented. But some scents are just sexier than others and can actually stimulate both of you sexually. Like some foods, these scents are not only pleasant, but pack an erotic punch you can employ while setting the scene for your night of hot, orgasmic lovin’!
Since the 18th Century, doctors have prescribed vanilla to men who want to be at their peak in bed. It’s that powerful. For centuries, the scent has been used in perfumes by the Chinese, also. Why? Because they know how men respond to it. I think, to be honest, that’s why women like it – even though they may not know why. We are talking Love Jones elixir and nothing less. It’s also a mild euphoric, which will serve as a great prelude to the euphoria you’re fixing to send your woman into.
Black licorice has been proven to be the most sexually stimulating scent for women. Add cucumber to that mix and you have the world’s hottest combination for firing up your partner for a night of passion. Combining oils in a burner with these two scents is bound to get her roiling with desire before you even lay a finger on her.
Tantra is the ancient Eastern practice of sexuality and sandalwood has been used in its practice for centuries. A sandalwood-scented candle or stick of incense in the bedroom is said to have the power to create orgasms you won’t soon forget, for both of you. Another way to put this delicious scent to work is with oil. Part of your foreplay ritual might be a prolonged, relaxing massage using sandalwood-scented body oil. Relaxation is a big factor in women achieving orgasm, so this might just be your silver bullet to orgasm number one. Work those hands, buddies!
LET THE GAMES BEGIN
When you sit down to eat, focus on her. Trot out some of that dirty talk you’ve been working on and start massaging her mind into the kind of limpid, languid readiness it needs to be in for you to take her to the Land of “O”. Tease her. Compliment her. Have fun. Pretend you’re on your first date and you want her to like you. Maybe that’s a role-play game you can enjoy together on this special evening.
You may also want to do the dishes together, even if you have a dishwasher. Make it a sexy, fun event and another avenue of engaging in foreplay. Stand behind her, kissing her on the neck, or nibbling on her ear, as you scrub those dishes into the kind of lather you’re sending her into. The dishes can drip dry tonight. You have other things to take care of – like your now well warmed up woman.
THE DANCE OF LOVE
Whatever music you’ve chosen to be the soundtrack to your night of orgasmic seduction, I hope you’ve thought in terms of slow dancing with her to it. Choose it well. Make it sexy. Barry White is an old timer, but damn that music gets women going.
Take her hand and lead her to an open space in the room. Look her in the eye as you draw her into your arms. Feel her melt like a stick of butter, as you slide your hands down her waist to her hips, then to the small of her back. Don’t grab her ass just yet. That can wait.
It’s a known and proven fact that women love to dance. You don’t have to be Dancing with the Stars material to make this one work for you. You can be the biggest, clumsiest ox in the world, but you can still go right-left-right-left in time to the music. If you can’t, practice privately until you can. You want to feel that woman melting in your arms like candle wax, so you can melt her in others way, later. It’s worth the effort, bro’. Trust me. Just do it.
AND SO ON
After you’ve got her swooning from all the romance you’re oozing, sit her down someplace comfy (where there’s room for you to sit next to her later) with a glass of wine. Excuse yourself for “just a moment”. Go and put the finishing touches on the love chamber.
Light the candles. Light the incense or scented oil (because sensual femininity loves the scent of anything delicious and this will only enhance her experience and yours). Now return to where you’ve seated your lover and get the party started. Sensual, fluid chat, punctuated by gentle nuzzling, pointed and gentle touching will soon turn to more sexual topics, as she is now practically a puddle on the floor. Before you know it, the two of you will be locked in a sensuous embrace and she will be ready for the kind of love you’re well equipped to give her.
Romance isn’t something you need to stage manage every single time the two of you make love. But every so often, romance is a way to say you’re putting a lot of thought into how you much you enjoy sexing your woman up and how much you care about the quality of her experience and the intensity of her eventual orgasms.
There are plenty of times when all either of you will want is a lunchtime quickie. Maybe you’ll want to go park somewhere and get to the point in the back seat of your car, the way most of us did in high school – or in an elevator, or a stairwell, or the beach, or your parents’ broom closet! Because you’re now Agent Orgasmo, you’ll find that your woman’s willingness to try new and exciting sexual adventures will be greatly expanded.
Having pried the lid off the cookie jar, the two of you are enjoying more, better and more wildly varied sex than you ever thought possible and all because you took the time to read this article and up your orgasmic IQ. Good going, buddy.
I’ve said it over and over again and I’m going to repeat it – everyone is not the same. That can apply to our physical status, too. Sometimes, physical realities can get in the way of your good time. But there’s an answer. There’s always an answer!
Bodily discomfort is one of the major roadblocks to enjoying sexual pleasure. It can also get in the way of your woman’s ability to reach orgasm. Back and neck pain can strike at any age. Injuries, stress and strain can lead to chronic pain and make sex less enjoyable than it should be. After putting your time into reading this article, you don’t want that. You want to make your honey as comfortable and relaxed as possible so she can enjoy the roaring waves or orgasmic pleasure you’re going to share with her.
Using what you have available to achieve your partner’s total comfort is one way to take action. Pillows and bolsters can be used to help get her in position and keep her comfortable while she’s there. You can use these too. But nowadays, there’s a whole range of useful and dare I say, intriguing, supportive aids that can help.
THE TANTRA CHAIR
Based on the classic erotic work, the Kama Sutra, this piece of furniture doesn’t look like what it is. That way, when your mom comes over and sticks her head in the bedroom, she’s not going to faint, right? What the heck, you can even put it in the living room and make it the little joke you and your partner have together at Thanksgiving dinner, with the whole family unwittingly chowing down on the turkey!
The Tantra Chair is an attractive piece of furniture and looks like a top designer might have created it. Classy and unobtrusive, its voluptuous curves will have your friends and family asking where ever you found such an unusual chaise longue. I guess that’s what it is, actually. It’s just a chaise longue with a really fun, orgasm-inducing purpose. Oh yes. This baby is more than just a pretty chaise.
It’s a chair specifically designed for you and she to make that sweet love on!
Even if one of you doesn’t suffer from a physical complaint, this attractive chair is tons of fun. Incorporating curves that conform to the human body, the design of the Tantra Chair encourages pelvic tilt to make it all go more smoothly. What’s more, those strategic curves can help you in your mission of leading your lady to the kind of multiple orgasmic experiences you’re looking for. The pelvic tilt encouraged by the design of the chair puts her in the pole position to get to the Land of “O”.
For those of you going the kinky way around, you’ll be happy to hear that sex chairs and loungers are often equipped with hardware that will perfectly suit your newly acquired love for restraints! This can add a whole new dimension of fun to your elegant and unobtrusive sex furniture. Best of all, any fittings included can be removed when you have mom over and “voila!” Your sex chair is now just a classy chair or chaise longue once again – for mom to sit on!
It even comes in different colors to match your (no doubt) classy décor. It’s eco-friendly, stain and germ resistant, and best of all, guaranteed for a lifetime of love play. Makes a swell Christmas gift, too, for your discerning woman! Or your mom!
LOVE BUMPERS
These ergonomically shaped cushions work the same way as a pillow might, if you were to use it to elevate your woman’s hips for love making – only way better, because they’re designed for this specific purpose.
The come in a variety of shapes that serve your sexual purposes in a very intentional way. These can be tucked under the bed, or stored in a closet. They also come in larger sizes that are more like the Tantra Chair, or a similar sex chaise. Covered in stain resistant, anti-microbial fabric, these long lasting daddy’s little helpers will become some of mommy’s best and most supportive friends. Love Bumpers are specifically designed to help place your woman’s pelvis in exactly the right position to more easily achieve orgasm. You know she’s going to love that!
SWINGS, SLINGS AND HAMMOCKS, OH MY!
Annnnnd back to the kink! Swings and slings are the wilder side of sex furniture, to be sure. Believe me, though; these décor tweaks can be a whole lot of fun for both of you. The way you use these is a matter of personal choice and preference, but swings and slings are designed for one of you (don’t laugh until you’ve tried it, buddy) to be suspended from, while the other plays with the person hanging in it.
Swings and slings come in a variety of configurations. If you have a playroom (which you may have, or have someday soon, if you’re the adventurous sort), a swing or sling can be a permanent fixture. If not, there are models that stand on a flexible frame, or mount over a door.
The person in the sling is suspended from stirrups for the legs and buttocks. There’s hardware for the placement of a variety of restraints, or you or your woman can hang place your wrists through the loops provided. Slings are made of a variety of materials, from neoprene to leather.
Slings also come in hammock styles, which allow the person suspended to recline in total comfort and safety and include head, hip and shoulder support. There are also wooden and metal versions of these that are more like a hanging bench, which are padded for comfort.
When using any of these items, be sure to keep safety in mind. While they’re a lot of fun, allowing the person suspended to completely relax and be attended to in the ideal position for sex, it’s important that you read the instructions. You need to ensure that any mounting structure can support the weight of the person suspended and that there’s not going to be a nasty accident. You might have to explain that hole in the ceiling (if you mount your swing, sling, or hammock to it) to someone, eventually. You will not be able to blame the dog, I’m afraid.
Safety first! Orgasms – later (but not too much later).
A big part of sex and sexual pleasure is about letting go. Sex is a form of adult play. When you were a kid and you played imaginative games like dress up, or acting out your favorite TV show, you didn’t let reality get in your way, did you? Why should you do that now, while enjoying adult play?
We’ve touched on gender roles concerning the submissive and dominant partners in the chapter on kink, but let’s go deeper. (Yes, that was a double entendre). Let’s talk about how switching it up can be a major turn on for your woman and how it can contribute to your Orgasmatronic influence over the frequency and intensity of her (multiple) orgasms.
We’ve already discussed how society expects certain things of men and women. Those things, however, don’t apply in the world of sex. Sex is for the release of tension and the expression of what’s really going on in our minds. In life, we may be high-powered business executives, but in bed? Maybe we’re someone else. Maybe we’re someone who doesn’t make all the decisions and run the show? Maybe we’re a little submissive.
Early psychotherapeutic models, like those of Kraft-Ebing and Freud, insisted on male dominance and female passivity as the naturally-occurring default. Freud went as far as to suggest that women were naturally masochistic. But these are highly restrictive definitions and if you think about it, those definitions have had a real impact on the way men and women look at each other. And that can be limiting too. Sex is its own universe and why should we limit ourselves to what some old timey shrinks had to say about the way we think and behave?
And in the 21st Century, what I’ve just said can apply to either men or women. Nobody is 100% one thing or the other in every sector of their lives. The shy, retiring librarian can be a conquering Amazon in the bedroom, just as that high-powered executive might be willing to hang up his bossy, bossy ways along with his tie, when he gets naked. These days, men are librarians. Women are high-powered executives, or fire fighters, or doctors, maybe even soon, the President of the United States of America. The roles we tend to assign to one another according to gender mean less and less as time goes by. That means the leveling of the playing field outside the bedroom door can be more easily enjoyed in bed than it might have been even ten years ago, and for more of us.
And that’s a very, very good thing.
By letting go of who we tell the world we are in the course of our daily lives, we can enjoy another side of ourselves that might be a little shy about revealing to those we’d rather not share it with. Sex is an intimate act of sharing our bodies and emotions with others to enjoy mutual pleasure. Full disclosure kind of goes with the territory, so let’s explore how we might step out of ourselves with our partners and explore our dominant and submissive sides.
All women aren’t necessarily submissive
Look around at the women you know. They all have distinct personalities. They do different things. They like different things. A lot of time has gone by since the 1950s and that’s been reflected in the upheaval of traditional gender roles. Today you’ll find women in every profession imaginable and even mothers don’t tend to stay at home with the kids, anymore. Even so, many people still apply certain preconceptions in their attitudes toward women.
We tend to think of women as being naturally submissive and that’s a very important aspect of women’s sexuality, because a lot of women, even today, accept that as being the case, without exploring the other side of their personalities.
I would argue that our belief that women are naturally submissive is a by-product of the nature of the sex act, itself. Men penetrate women with their penises. This is, undeniably, a physiologically dominant act. I’d be lying, though, if I told you that in the pursuit of women, men don’t submit to women’s timetables and the “yeas” or “nays” of the women they pursue. Were they not to do so; were they to demand that women submit to the male desire to have sex with them at will, it would not be not socially acceptable in most societies on earth. For thousands of years, it was, but it’s no longer the case that men can pretend women are anything but the person in charge of who gets the goodies.
When you take all this into consideration, women dominate. In the film, My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding, the mother of the central character (who is her daughter), tells her: “The woman is like the neck. Maybe the man is the head, but the neck turns the head”. That was an “Aha!” moment for me, my brothers and one you should think about. Think also about the fact that these words are spoken in the film by an older Greek woman. Greek society is notoriously hard on its women, demanding that they model submission to the needs of men as a general rule. But this woman, while conforming to those standards on the surface, knew the underlying truth of the matter and passed it along to her daughter.
So while women still seem to succumb to a submissive stance, in many ways and in lots of places, the truth is that their natures aren’t necessarily submissive. Some women may be submissive, but that submissive nature is not biologically mandated. It’s a social thing, guys. It’s also highly personal, dependent on her culture, her background and her sense of who she is. Your job is to tease out of her what she really wants and the more she trusts you, the easier that’s going to be.
All men aren’t necessarily dominant
From the time men are able to understand spoken language, we’re told a lot of things about what it means to be a man. “Man” is an idea about what masculinity means, as much as “woman” is an idea about what femininity means. Beyond the biological wobbly danglies and certain chemical differences that are part of that, though, we are just as unique as individual people as women are.
We’re told to “suck it up”, to “be a man” and to generally beat our chests at other males who are stupid enough to challenge us – on anything at all. We’re raised to be aggressive, reactive, emotionally unavailable and sometimes, snarly. But that doesn’t work for me. I’ll bet it doesn’t work for a lot of guys reading this, either.
Some men won’t like to hear this, but not every single one of us walks around bowlegged because his balls are so big he can’t walk like a normal dude. Seriously. There are men in this world (and we all know at least one) who seem to think that the seat of their masculinity is the nut sack. I don’t know about you, but I happen to know that my balls are there to perform a certain function (and can be fun at parties). Not every man on this earth is a big, bad Alpha Male and that should be OK.
Male dominance is another cultural assumption people make in their attitudes towards us. As with women, it tends to consign a whole lot of us to a category deemed undesirable, in terms of manliness. And that, right there, is the ontological straightjacket men are supposed to live in. Shaking it off can be hot and thirsty work and weirdly, the hardest part to shake is the attitudes of other men. We’re supposed to be the hunters and gatherers of the human race, but since women are now out there hunting and gathering, where does that leave us?
I guess it leaves us with ourselves and truth be told, a lot of guys aren’t all that comfortable with that status. It means we have to think about it, when we’d rather not.
That’s because we have been told, all our lives, that we are creatures of action. We’re supposed to make things happen when we want them to happen, not think about them. We’re also supposed to take what we want, including women. But here’s the problem – women aren’t ours for the taking. Women are their own, autonomous fully contained units and we are just like them – human. That means we don’t fit into boxes marked “dominant”, any more than they fit into boxes marked “submissive”. That’s true in the bedroom, too.
Not all men are comfortable with taking the lead. While some say we’re hardwired to do that, I think it’s also fair to say we’re not robots. I know I’m not. So, here’s the thing – I want to talk about the bedroom as a free space to explore what we want from women and what women want from us. Part of that is including the idea that we can be submissive and they can be dominant. As children, our imaginations ran wild on the playground. As adults, why can’t the same happen on the adult playground – the bedroom?
TALKING ABOUT IT
There’s that four-letter word again – talk. It’s the most important word in your sexual vocabulary, Agent Orgasmo and one you’ll come back to again and again as you explore the riches of what can be achieved, sexually speaking by talking to your woman about what you’re both into.
Knowing each other well is an important aspect of getting to the bottom of the erotic well. Even if you’re not in a monogamous relationship; even if you’re casual, the fun will be much more passionate, if you have a knowledge of what your partner is thinking about – and fantasizing about.
Here’s a really important tip – you can’t just blurt out “What are your fantasies?” and expect the response you’re after. Women don’t work that way. Women prefer to establish trust. They want to know you’re not going to spread that shit around town to every Tom, Dick and Jane you talk to. You have to make it clear that what you’re talking about is between the two of you and to both your sexual benefit. This will get you a lot further than prodding her in areas that may be somewhat sensitive.
A good place to broach the subject? Why, the bedroom, of course! If you’ve established the required trust, you can bring it up after you’ve had sex, or even as part of your foreplay strategy. Experiment with the ideas that you present to your woman. That means you have to be pretty adventurous.
The submissive male
What if her fantasy is “pegging” (penetrating you with a dildo)? Are you ready for that jelly? How about a finger? If you’re not, then go lightly. If she fantasizes about dominating you, then you had better be good and ready for what comes next.
I can practically hear your fear centers lighting up all over the world! Here’s the thing boys, male anal penetration isn’t “gay”. And let me ask you this – why is it so many men are interested in penetrating women’s assholes? They don’t have prostate glands, (which we’re getting to shortly) so frankly, there’s little in it for them. But many women report that they enjoy this activity. My guess is that they enjoy the submissive aspect of it if that’s their preferred role. That doesn’t mean they all like it, but it’s true some women most certainly do. You have an advantage here, because you have something women don’t have and no, I’m not talking about your exterior junk. I’m talking about the interior junk a lot of dudes pretend isn’t there.
Gay guys sometimes engage in anal sexual play, but so do straight guys and here’s why – the prostate gland. The prostate gland is a little mound that is separated from the rectum by only a thin membrane (the perineum). Located on the wall of the rectum closest to your genitals (the anterior, or front wall), the prostate gland can even be “milked” in order to produce an orgasm. Stimulating this gland can lead you to some of the most bombastic, really fantastic orgasms you’ve ever had in your life. Trust me. Here’s the part some of you may squeeze your butt cheeks at – it’s only reachable through the anus. Know what else is reachable through the anus? A full third of your penis. An incredible one-third of your dick is in there somewhere and you have probably never made the acquaintance of that particular stretch of the back forty. (INSERT DIAGRAM).
Sorry, but that’s the truth. I know this is a tough one for a lot of guys, but if you haven’t gotten to know that part of your bodies, you’re missing out. You’re missing out on a whole new world you can explore that will not only turn your woman on, but also turn you on in ways you’d never imagined.
If you have a problem with that, I get it. But don’t rule it out. If you’re not sure, this may be something you want to test drive on your own before broaching the subject of female sexual dominance with your woman. A little lube will make it less intimidating and you can explore prostate response in the privacy of your own (undoubtedly regular) masturbation sessions.
If you’re willing to go there, the bedroom is a great place to send the message without words. By guiding her hand to your anus, you can let her know you’re willing to be penetrated by her. Start with a finger (the little one, if that’s what you’re up to). There are many, many women out there who will find this so intensely erotic; they’ll be willing to work on it (and your butt) until the two of you have it down to an art form.
If you find that you’re comfortable with ass play, you may want to move it to the next level and that means pegging. Strap-ons aren’t just for “girly girls” (lesbians), they’re for het girls with willing partners, too and believe me, there is no shortage of us in this world, despite what you may think. Once again, I’m going to reinforce the thought that male anal penetration isn’t exclusively for our homosexual brethren. It’s for het guys who are into it, too and those of us who are into it are for damned good reason, as described above – the magical prostate gland.
But in terms of turning your woman on, can you imagine the power of strapping on a penis and getting to work on your lover’s ass? Many women find intense pleasure in this act and it’s not to be written off in terms of bringing her closer the Big Bang. If she’s an Amazon dominatrix with a yen for your man cavern, you need to listen to that desire and decide (with sober forethought) if you are, in fact, ready for that jelly. It can be a deeply rewarding experience and no, it shouldn’t hurt. Anal penetration is a process that needs to be approached carefully and thoughtfully, with an eye to the pleasure of all involved, because that’s why you’re there. If you’re ready to try it, the rewards can be infinite and not only for your woman, but for you.
There are many other ways to explore your submissive side and these include bondage and role-play, including serving your woman. Foot play can be an excellent venue for this, especially if you’re turned on by painting her toenails, taking your time to serve your mistress by lavishing your love on her tender tootsies. As we’ve already discussed, the toes are the way to a woman’s genitalia and taking your time on this aspect of her sexual physiology is sure to prime her up good and proper for a relentless wave of orgasmic pleasure.
A lot of guys won’t admit it, but there’s something truly liberating about being told what to do, sexually, by a woman. We’re always taking the lead; always dominating. But some of us like to step outside that role to explore our submissive sides. This can be an unforgettable and intensely boner-inducing experience. May I suggest you give it some thought? What do you have to lose? Masculinity isn’t as cut and dried, as some people would have you believe. Just like femininity, it’s a complex of things and learning more about who you are as a man is highly advised. With the right woman, you can learn a lot about yourself and a whole other side of what it means to be a man.
The dominant woman
Prim. Proper. Ladylike. A blushing, delicate flower. These words come up repeatedly when the ideal woman is under discussion. Times have certainly changed and women’s accepted roles have shifted, because of that. All the same, there are still attitudes about what women should “be” like. There is fixed in the popular consciousness a concept of femininity, which demands that women behave and present themselves in ways that are commonly, accepted as normative.
The women’s version of the gender straightjacket, defining them and constricting them to an expectation of their behavior (including their sexuality) is still out there and worn by millions of women around the world. Most women don’t even think about the fact they’re wearing it. Rather, they accept it, because it’s what’s expected and demanded of them by others. While for most women, it’s invisible, in some cultures it manifests visibly. The burka is one of its more virulent manifestations. Completely obliterating the woman’s public presence under a black, impenetrable pall, it’s said by proponents to “free” women from being ogled by men. I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that the ogling is the problem here and not the women being ogled.
But there are plenty of other manifestations that try to pass themselves off as “liberating”. The mini-skirt is one. Arising during the decade of liberation, the 1960s, the mini-skirt was said to somehow empower women – even in the depths of winter. Nothing more empowering than a gust of Chicago cold on your nethers! The classical version of the mini-skirt barely covered women’s butts and crotches.
Women are expected to conform to cultural standards of beauty in a way we guys just aren’t. This is one of the more difficult aspects of being a woman. While we can present ourselves in pretty well any way we please (depending on what we do for a living), women are expected to be made up, groomed, smelling fabulous and dressed to accentuate their physical assets. And those assets had better be on the smaller end of the scale, because society tells women they’re to maintain the bodies they had as teens throughout their lives. Nancy Reagan is the poster child of this American ideal of femininity. As the Eternal Girl, her Chanel suits would be too tiny for most finger puppets to fit into.
Youth and beauty are demanded of women in a way they’re not of men. That remains true even though women, in shifting out of their traditional roles, have begun to demand similar aesthetic virtue from men. I’ve heard a lot of men complain bitterly about this trend, but it’s not that difficult to see that it comes nowhere near the level of objectification suffered by women.
Women’s physical beings are scrutinized and critiqued continually. At every turn, there’s some new diet to keep them slim, or some new face cream to keep them young. The message is that they’re not good enough; that they can be better. The quest for perfection is sold to women every day of their lives. How does that play out in the bedroom?
If women don’t like the way they look and feel, because of the constant barrage of messages telling them that they shouldn’t, then how are they to find freedom in the bedroom? How are they to abandon themselves to their own pleasure, when the script of their lives has told them they don’t deserve to, because they are the “wrong” size and shape, not young enough, not beautiful enough and just not enough?
Most women understand very well that marketing is making them neurotic and getting in the way of them really enjoying everything life has to offer. But they still have to play the game, as a matter of survival. The thing is that some of them respond to this commercial abuse behind the bedroom door. They respond by stepping up and taking charge on the sexual playing field. So much of their lives are spent under the boot heel of social pressure, they become truly themselves only when they get naked and things get real. They are sexually dominant women and damn, they are something to behold, in action.
Sean Jameson is an online sexpert and author of the Bad Girl’s Bible – an online sexual handbook for women who like to get it on and make no bones about it. Jameson reminds his readers that domination is psychological, as well as physical and that it needn’t necessarily involve whips and chains. Those have a place in some bedrooms, some of the time. But what you say can be just as powerful as what you do. For example, a woman might instruct you, in no uncertain terms, that you won’t be having an orgasm until she’s had a clearly defined number of them. She also might let you know how much she likes it when you serve her in bed, attending to her desires.
Helping your woman explore her dominant side can start with choosing positions in which she’s taking the lead. She should be on top, in other words, setting the pace and intensity. You also need to be willing to help her explore, which means agreeing to be submissive. As I’ve said above, it may be hard for you to wrap your head around, but the rewards far outweigh any squeamishness you may have about it, for both of you. Remember that this article is primarily about sexual practices and techniques for you to lead your woman to the Land of “O”. Agent Orgasmo isn’t squeamish about anything to do with sex, because he’s a man on a mission – his woman’s orgasm.
Encourage her dominant nature by asking her what you can do for her. This isn’t just for bed. This is play that can extend to other parts of life. Ask if you can carry something for her while you’re out shopping. Ask if she’d like you to run some errands for her. Emphasize the fact that you’re eager to please her. When you feel the time’s right, you may want to call her “mistress”, or “my queen”. The term “mistress”, with its BDSM overtones, will surely get her attention. Using it in the run up to sex will clue her in to your intention – to take the submissive role and be dominated by her. Once in the bedroom, encourage her to give you orders or commands by asking to know what her pleasure of the moment is. Tell her you live to serve her and watch her light up with pre-orgasmic pleasure. This is her ticket to the kind of fun she’d really like to enjoy with you, but may be too reserved to ask for. Help her kick out the jams!
Your experimentation with switching up traditional submissive/dominant roles can be as intense as you’re willing to make them. This sort of play is highly individual. A lot depends on how much your trust each other and how willing you are to communicate and to then act on what you’ve discussed. Exploring and switching up traditional sexual roles up can be enormously rewarding and liberating for both of you. If you find it to be a turn on, then it’s a corner of the erotic world you and your woman should venture into. There are orgasms to be had in there!
We’ve briefly touched on the idea of venturing out into the world to pursue your quest for the female orgasm, in the section on the Waterworks position. Not everybody has a Jacuzzi or hot tub, but many hotels and motels have these, right in the rooms. And some hotels, you’re about to find out, have a whole lot more.
Sex tourism has a bad name because of a certain sub-culture of abuse that has nothing to do with sex. But there’s a new type of sex tourism that is as wholesome as apple pie. Sex is wholesome, fun and a huge part of the human experience and the tourism sector seems to have caught up with this reality.
It’s true that couples have been hiding away in hotels and inns to have sex for as long as these institutions have existed. But now, there’s an entire niche sector, geared to the orgasmic adventurer and catering to their desire for sex vacations. Within that niche, there are other niches and we’re going to explore some of them and how they can be a welcome change of locale, adding another layer of fantasy and indulgence to your sex life.
The Dirty Weekend
The weekend getaway is something a lot of couples do near the beginning of their relationship. It serves as a kind of relationship acid test to see how they mesh sexually over more than the space of an evening. The success of the weekend getaway is how a lot of people check out the merchandise and decide if the person they’re with will be sticking around or not.
But the dirty weekend is a pursuit for everyone, whether they’re new to each other, long-term lovers, married, or just having a casual, weekend fuckfest. Anyone can enjoy a dirty weekend, on any budget you can possibly think of. Some people will love the raw, woodsy sensuality of getting it on in a tent in the middle of a farmer’s field. Others will get off on making the Winnebago rock (much to their fellow campers’ dismay). Many will love the romance of a country inn, or the high-end luxury of a big city, five-star hotel. Whatever your style or budget is, the dirty weekend is something you and your lover can have fun planning together.
You’ll want to pack all your favorite sex gadgetry. If you’re flying, though, don’t forget about the metal detectors. These can be a little compromising if you’re travelling with accouterments like handcuffs or other BDSM equipment. I have a very special solution for that problem, but we’ll discuss that later on in this chapter.
You may also want to surprise each other with new toys, a new type of lube, or exotic lingerie. Maybe its even time to try out that strap-on we discussed earlier. If it is, just remember your carry-on goes through an x-ray machine and consider, perhaps, leaving that one for another time (unless you plan on grinning irrepressibly at the customs officer who will be seeing it, as it goes through the machine).
The Dirty Weekend Role Play Road Trip
Road trips are particularly great for dirty weekends, especially if you live within striking distance of funky little motels. Think Thelma and Louise, only with more sex and less murder. Choose a location that lends itself to dirty weekend role-play. You’ll want the right mix of location, oddball local yokels, jukebox and cheap booze for this game.
I would strongly suggest that you play the theme to the hilt, from beginning to happy ending. That means (if you’re able to) renting a car. Make it one with fins, if you can manage it. The bigger the boat, the hotter the ride. Deck yourselves out as your favorite characters and discuss the story at length. A favorite of mine is the “pickup”. Arrange to “find” your woman at the side of the road, suitcase in hand, hitchhiking. Her costume should be appropriate to whatever game you’re playing, but needless to say, it should be appropriately sexy. You might play the part of the wandering card shark, out for a good time. Roll up on her with a cigar clamped between your teeth and a pair of aviators. You might want to wear a sharp jacket, cowboy hat and bolo tie. Whatever turns your woman on, though, will be your guide for suiting up for your dirty weekend of road trip role-play.
The car you rent or borrow should really be a convertible. Dirty weekend role play road trips are a summertime pursuit, so be sure to choose the right weekend for it, as part of your planning efforts. Once you have your woman’s suitcase stowed away and her fine ass in the passenger seat, it’s time to start your adventure. Heavy flirting on the road is the order of the day. Pretend you’ve never seen each other before and make sure she understands what’s on your mind. Comment on her damned fine appearance. Ask her where she’s staying for the night. Invite her out for a night on the town and sexual favors in exchange. Go crazy, because this is a game!
Once you’ve checked in to your motel, you’ll want to play the gentleman. Invite her to freshen up and get ready for your night out. Once she’s poured herself into the sexiest cocktail dress in her wardrobe, you’re read to hit the town. Taking a cab at this point might be advisable. Park the boat in the stall in front of your (not too sleazy, but just sleazy enough) motel room. Taking a taxi to your juke joint destination also allows for more flirting and connecting on the fantasy role-play level you’ve established for your dirty weekend road trip.
No matter which joint you’ve chosen to continue your evening in, it should have some honky tonk, country, or (at the very least) a rockin’ cover band. Live music is an excuse for the pair of you to bust out your moves and do the vertical grind on the dance floor. What a great prelude to what you’re going to get up to later. Make sure you check out the jukebox between sets, because there’s bound to be a song that gets you both panting. Remember – don’t drink too much. You have work to do, later on.
The dirty weekend role-play road trip can be tricked out in any way you can imagine. Your fantasies are going to be lived out. Talk about what you want to do and how you’re going to interact. Decides on pseudonyms and spend some time developing your characters. An orgasmic adventure like this is well worth the time and thought you put it into it, because you’ll both be driven wild by what you’re doing. Stepping out of the everyday and pretending to be two people who have never met (but who are bent on getting it on) will have you both sitting on the edge of your seat and ready to do what you both do best, together. Let your imagination be your guide, Agent Orgasmo. While it’s only a weekend, your dirty weekend role-play road trip might turn out to be the trip of a lifetime.
Exotic, erotic destinations
If you’re thinking a little bigger than the dirty weekend (which frankly, is a pretty big, sexy deal), you’ll want to check out what the niche sex travel market has to offer you. Can you imagine planning a steamy, sex-soaked vacation with your lover? The word “vacation” means that you literally vacate your daily life and remove yourself from that routine to step into something out of the ordinary. That includes the concept of “recreation” – recreating yourself. What could be better for recreating yourself that a vacation dedicated to your erotic evolution?
The travel world has answered the needs of people seeking vacations dedicated entirely to enjoying each other sexually by establishing hotels and even entire resorts to that need in the market. Let’s take a look at some of the orgasmic adventures out there for the two of you to enjoy.
Sex hotels
Scientists have discovered that having sex in a hotel can help release dopamine into the brain. There’s something about having sex in an unfamiliar environment (one you don’t have to clean, for one) that can set this pleasure-inducing neurotransmitter free in the brain. The sheer novelty and freshness of the experience can get the dopamine flowing, which contributes to both your enjoyment. Added benefits include the implicit luxury of spending money on a room when you don’t really need one. You could have sex at home, but you do that all the time! Paying for a hotel room feels downright decadent and that decadence can be the basis for enhanced sexual pleasure. Especially for those who aren’t married, having sex in a hotel can feel illicit and naughty, with the added perk of the hotel room’s anonymity. And even if you are married, you can pretend you’re not. You can even pretend you’ve never met before, or that you’re cheating on your respective (imaginary) spouses, or lovers. You can even pretend that one of you is a hooker, summoned via a dial-a-hump service.
One of you might even want to check in before the other does. How about if you’re already there and your woman shows up at the door to your room in a trench coat? When she takes it off, what’s underneath is for the pair of you to discuss in advance. Is she naked? Is she wearing sexy lingerie, complete with stockings and a garter belt? Maybe she’s dressed as a maid? Only your imaginations limit the potential for a hotel-based sex session.
Whether you’re planning a hotel visit in your town or another, hotels offer a unique departure from your ordinary life and an unfamiliar setting for sex in which anything is possible. But how about travelling elsewhere? How about Mexico?
Auto Hotels
Mexico is home to a phenomenon known as the auto hotel. These roadside hostelries offer a parking garage linked by a door to a hotel room. Anonymous as all get out, they are a unique alternative that seems even naughtier than a conventional hotel.
Not just for truck drivers and exhausted, road-tripping retirees from the USA, auto hotels serve a social purpose in Mexico, where many people live in multi-generational family groupings. Auto hotels offer a way for adults to get some privacy in order to get their freak on. Usually renting out in blocks of hours, instead of by the night, the auto hotel is made for sexy fun. While appearing anonymous and generic from the outside, once inside, many auto hotels offer the sex vacationer a realm of amenities not seen in traditional lodgings. These include complimentary condoms, sex furniture (as described in the décor tweaks section) and even swimming pools. But that’s not all. Some of the more ambitious ones offer lube, sex swings and Jacuzzis (which I’m sure you’re anxious to try after reading about the fun you can have in one)! Best of all, there are no windows, adding to the illicit cachet of the auto hotel. You can even find auto hotels with stripper poles and can you just imagine the sort of fun you and your woman might have with one of those in your very discreet, private room? Maybe you can be El Chapo and she can be Kate del Castillo, trading sexual favors for product. Depending on which one you choose, you might even be able to order in post-orgasmic tacos and beer! Did I mention the porn? Because that’s all you’ll see at an auto hotel. You can warm up for your evening of orgasmic adventure with a little mutual viewing pleasure.
Love hotels
But the masters and originators of sexy hotels are the Japanese. So if you’re thinking about a long-range sexcation, Japan is a great destination to consider.
Since 1968, Japanese love hotels have fulfilled the need for discreet, hourly accommodation for horny salary men, errant housewives and desperate lovers living with their conservative parents. The term derives from the original prototype, the Hotel Love in Osaka, which was built in 1968 to cater to a clientele seeking discretion and a safe, private place to get it on.
In love hotels, you’ll find immaculately clean accommodations, with all the sexual conveniences you’re hoping to find (excepting room service). Love hotels are everything from functional to extremely luxurious and some of them even have Hello Kitty rooms. While not mentioned in the section on kink in this article, Hello Kitty has a lot of sexventurous fans and who knows, maybe you and your woman count yourselves among them?
The thing about love hotels is that, once you leave the room, you’re kind of done. That is, unless you’ve booked it for a longer stay. They’re a breed apart and definitely well suited to fantasy, role-play and assignation visits that you intend to last from between one to three hours. The trend has spread to China, usually known for its conservative sexual attitudes. But like everything else in China, attitudes about sex are changing and this has seen the growth of sex hotels throughout the nation.
If you’re not willing or able to take your love to the Far East, though, you’re in luck. Romantic Paris has its very own version and what could be sexier than an erotic adventure in the City of Love, itself? Modeled on the Japanese love hotel phenomenon, Hotel Amour is a fully tricked out sex adventure property. The designer, Chantal Thomass was commissioned to give the property its sleek, chic, super-sexed up look. The Superieure and the Big Double Room are made just for you and your woman, Orgasmatron! These feature some very erotic amenities that are bound to make your stay unforgettable. In the Big Double Room you’ll find a replica of the giant, rocking penis and balls from Stanley Kubrick’s film, A Clockwork Orange. The Superieure features erotic photos and a hanging garden of disco balls suspended from the ceiling over the bed. Get your freak on and your chic on at the same time!
But what about more languid options? What if you’re looking to get away from it all and get naked for a more extended period of time? For that purpose, may I suggest you investigate the sex resort. These are now found all over the world and they’re definitely for the more adventurous among you. Particularly suited to those couples who may be seeking “extra-curricular fun” or possible guest stars (as in threesomes, or other configurations), sex resorts offer a world of opportunity for the sexually open and polyamorous couples seeking orgasmic adventure.
Resorts for sex vacationers are now springing up all over the world. One of the most popular destinations for orgasmic adventurers is, of course, the Caribbean, with resort operators offering everything from sexual accouterments, to on-call “companions” for couples and singles. There are also “anything goes” happy hours where (yup) anything goes. If you and your woman are into a little company to help turn up the heat, sex resorts can be the way to go. Particularly if you’ve never added a third (or fourth, or fifth, or sixth) partner to your bedroom fun, sex resorts can provide you with a great intro. You’ll probably never see your guest stars again (unless you add them to your Facebook page), so it’s a pretty safe way to try on adding a couple of extra pairs of arms and legs – among other things – to your pairing.
Wicked for a Week
The Hedonism II Resort in Negril, Jamaica is world famous for its sex positive vacations, which encourage visitors to “Be Wicked for a Week”. The resort is “naturist” (nudist), which means if you’re down for parading around in the buff, this is the place for you.
Hedonism has a lot of fans, some of whom are yearly visitors and refer to the resort as “Hedo”. Every type of person you can possibly imagine can be found there and found there being rather naughty. Soccer moms, garbage collectors, politicians, hairdressers and CEOs can all be seen frolicking naked as all get out, getting their freak on and getting it on righteously. As with every other suggestion found in this article, I don’t have to tell you that this isn’t for everyone. Shy guys and gals won’t get the best bang for their buck here, but if you’re on the adventurous side, there’s no end to the possibilities presented by this no-holds-barred orgasmic adventure.
Especially if you and your woman have been thinking about sticking your toes in the limitless ocean of the sex buddy world, Hedonism couldn’t be a better place to start. Women especially will be thrilled by the ease of hook up culture at this sexy locale, but there’s plenty on tap for men and couples, also. Even if you’re not particularly into inviting others into your bed, the atmosphere will get you both so sexually stimulated, you won’t be able to keep your hands off each other. Voyeurism, even when discreetly pursued, is basically live-action porn, so picture you and your woman taking it all in and then going back to your room to revel in the fantasies spawned by what you’ve seen!
Maybe your woman dreams of a threesome with a third party, or maybe you both do. That may seem a pipe dream in your own backyard, especially if you’ve never done it before, but at a place like Hedonism, you can let your secret desires out to play. There’s little chance you’ll be bumping into your guest star at the Piggly Wiggly, so why not?
Hedonism, you might believe, is a destination for aging perves to find a way to get laid. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, they’re in the mix, but they’re not the whole story, by any means. In fact, visitors range in age from 20s to 60s and arrive single, coupled and in groups. Tantra and Kama Sutra groups are regular guests and some of these are long time hook up networks that tend to stick to their off-site arrangements. This can make it difficult for outsiders to penetrate, but if you’re into watching, they can be highly entertaining and definitely stimulating.
Amenities at this sex-positive playground include a nude bar, where you can meet other Hedo guests, whether you want to play with them or not. The open-minded people, who flock to this resort, even if not necessarily what you’re looking for in terms of guest stars, are fun loving and easy going. Expect to meet some very interesting people, if nothing else. For the more adventurous, there’s also a playroom, with all the kinky accouterments you’d expect to find there. The late night hot tub action is also a well-known favorite of guests. Take your Dirty Banana cocktails down there and watch from a dark corner as your new friends get their aquatic erotic on. Use the fodder to prime her up for some major Big Bang, later. Or, what the heck? You may feel comfortable enough to get down to business right there. When in Rome, right?
An important feature of Hedonism is its non-judgmental atmosphere. Because everybody’s there for the same reason, whatever you do will be accepted, unless of course, you are being creepy. Watching is fine, but jerking off while watching is not so fine. The two of you can express your appreciation of each other mutually. Needless to say modeling the kind of respect and non-judgment of others you expect for yourselves is de rigeur.
There are few limits at this resort, but one of them is having sex on the beach in broad daylight. It’s not generally appreciated. Your balcony is fair game, as is pool intercourse and oral sex. You should also know you have the option of staying in a section of the hotel in which nudity is not required. Yes, there is one whole wing of this resort where nudity is compulsory (except in the restaurants – something of a blessing, in truth), so if you’re thinking about hitting Hedo, make sure you’re ready to strut your naked-as-a-jaybird stuff. If you’re not, article for the “clothing optional” side.
Hedonism also features some rooms with Jacuzzis (a little Waterworks action after all you’ve seen going on around you will be a welcome release you’ll both be ready for), and others with all glass showers. Every room at Hedonism has a mirror over the bed. If you’ve ever fantasized about being able to watch yourselves pleasuring each other, that’s yet another inducement.
You’ll no doubt be hungry after screwing each other’s brains out all day and night in response to the surfeit of stimulation, but have no fear. Hedonism is known for its stellar food, including endless grilled lobster. The mini-bars are stocked with Jamaica’s famous Red Stripe beer, too.
Whether you’re hoping to enjoy a sex-fuelled couple’s vacation in the company of interesting, sex-positive people, or experimenting with threesomes or group sex, Hedonism is a non-judgmental paradise for those exploring and fully living out their sexuality. As I said, it may not be your idea of a good time, but I thought you might like to know more about it. Who knows, a trip to Hedonism could be your next vacation together and one you’ll certainly never forget.
Getting’ Jiggy Mayan Style
Mexico’s auto-hotels aren’t nearly the end of what this beautiful country has to offer those seeking a destination to live out their orgasmic dreams. The Desire Resorts answer the need for something along the lines of what Hedonism offers in Jamaica.
There’s less focus on public nudity at these resorts, but they’re clothing optional for those who enjoy the sensation of the sun on their no-longer-privates. These resorts are also dedicated exclusively to adventurous couples that want to spend a lush, all-inclusive vacation in a sexually stimulating and possibility-rich environment. As with Hedonism, you’ll find guests of all ages staying at the Desire Mayan property. Its sexy bathrooms, replete with images taken from the pages of Kama Sutra printed on the mirrors around the sunken-jetted tub are only one beloved feature. Imagine you and your woman enjoying the Waterworks position in such luxury – and in Mexico! Ai, ai, ai! Muy caliente!
These resorts are also a rich ground for sexual experimentation, if adding a guest star (or two, in this case, as its couples only) is something you’d both like to explore and experience.
The Desire Mayan also offers a “fantasy menu”, featuring such beloved fantasies as sex on the beach. There’s also erotic massage available for four people at a time, which is certainly a great introduction to swinging and a less intimidating way to break the ice, than heading straight to your room with your new friends.
One of my favorite options on the menu is the fulfillment of a fantasy many couples have, which is being filmed while having sex. This is way better than sticking your mobile on a tri-pod (it may fall in the Jacuzzi, if you’re filming the Waterworks position) and hoping for the best. A professional videographer will actually coach you through the filming session, as you make your own, home grown porn! You also get to keep the professionally edited DVD as a souvenir. It’s pricy, sure. But it’s an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to fulfill the fantasy of seeing you and your woman getting your freak on. That’ll keep you warm in winter!
The Desire Pearl is also couples only, welcoming primarily younger to middle-aged couples. If that’s your general age group, you may have more fun at this one that the other Desire property. Also located on the Mayan Riviera, it’s a sexy, but decidedly more sedate option and skews younger in terms of guests. That doesn’t mean to say there isn’t experimental fun to be had here, it just might be a little more discreetly pursued. That may be more to your taste and perhaps even more fun than the full frontal approach (although this sister resort is also clothing optional). All the same, public sex at this resort is permitted in only two areas – the whirlpool and the Sin Room. But what goes on in the privacy of your room is up to you and your highly stimulated woman.
KinkBNB
Kinky boots couples will want to check out this emerging star of orgasmic adventures. Building on the sharing economy concept, KinkBNB is the kinkster’s alternative to Airbnb, the now worldwide accommodations hub.
This members-only site offers a small, but mighty network of specialized properties catering to the kinky. By joining the site, you have access to fully equipped dungeons; production studios for making your own sex tapes and all the equipment you need to live out your wilder sexual fantasies. If you find travelling with accouterments a little too much information to provide customs officers with, here’s your solution. Leave the whips and chains and strap-ons and butt plugs at home. KinkBNB has got you covered. All available amenities are listed on their site, including the availability of BDSM “slaves” for your kinky scenes.
The founder of KinkBNB listed her property on Airbnb for years. Suddenly, she discovered it had been removed. A friend suggested she start her own, kink-positive accommodation site and so, KinkBNB was born. Now a going concern with listings in 20 countries (including 60 cities), KinkBNB has hit its stride and the kink community around the world is clamoring to sign up.
Full on kink can be a rather costly proposition. You really have to know that this is what you want, if you mean to go for all the whips, chains, and suspension hammocks, bells and whistles. So KinkBNB provides a means for those interested to try on full on kink and for those who enjoy it to do so without breaking the bank. The site will even provide financial help for those who want to set up their own listing.
Like the auto hotels of Mexico and the love hotels of Japan, KinkBNB’s properties may also be rented in blocks of time. You may not want to commit to a full night’s play time, so the hourly rentals offer a less expensive means of living out your BDSM fantasies. If you and your woman have discovered, in your explorations of kinky sex, that you’re both turned on by this unique corner of the erotic world, a kinky getaway like this may be just what you’re looking for. Letting your inner freak flag fly may be just what the doctor ordered on the road to orgasmic bliss!
Sex, American Style
Whether you’re an overseas Agent Orgasmo or a homegrown Orgasmatron, the boom in sexy destination hotels is something of an accommodations phenomenon, with sex and romance themed hotels springing up all over America. You can find these from coast-to-coast. If you’re planning an orgasmic adventure that’s a little less adventuresome than hitting an auto-hotel in Mexico, or getting publicly naked in Jamaica, one of these might be just what you’re looking for.
The online travel hub, TripAdvisor relates that the sexiest hotels in America can be found in Las Vegas, Nevada and the Big Apple, itself – New York. But they’re not alone, sexy destinations can be found in many states, nationwide. These properties mean total luxury for lovers, with amenities including everything from in room stripper poles, to a copy of the Kama Sutra, right in your bedside table (next to the Gideon’s Bible, presumably).
Even New Jersey, perhaps not widely known as a sexy destination, has the Loop Inn Motel. This theme property not only brings sexy back, it brings the kitsch with it. Some rooms include heart shaped Jacuzzis, while others feature the same-jetted experience in the shape of a giant champagne glass, or Roman-themed tub. There are even fireplaces to curl up in front of in post-coital bliss. The Loop Inn prides itself on setting the scene for living out your orgasmic fantasies.
Or how about grabbing your copy of Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and spiriting your sexy Amazon consort to Sin City? Known for its off-the-hook dedication to naughty behavior, Las Vegas is home to another sex-soaked accommodation you might find to be just the ticket to your orgasmic adventure. The subtle, opulent erotica offered by The Artisan makes it perfect for those who may want to enjoy something discreet, with a little culture on the side. Reproductions of fine art by the likes of Rembrandt line the oaky walls, sharing space with erotica. Redolent of classier times, The Artisan makes no secret that it’s the Vegas choice for discerning sexual adventures. The mirrors over the property’s beds may be surrounded by neo-classical, gold leaf molding, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t porn stars in the hotel bar crooning Karaoke for your pleasure and amusement.
The Big Apple, as Alicia Keyes sings is “the concrete jungle dreams are made of”. And your erotic dreams can come true at the city’s swank, sextastic Bryant Park Hotel. With its sex toy menu, you can leave your goodies at home and check in for a night or two of discreet hanky panky. The menu has a luxurious range of sexual accouterments, which include hand blown (we’ve reached double entendre Nirvana) glass dildos. There are also vibrators in the shape of cigars, crafted in luxurious gold, for the discerning Orgasmatron! The Hotel’s bar is also famous for bawdy fun, with its sparingly dressed wait staff and erotic dancers. Check out the sexy fun at the Cellar and then head to your room to arm yourself for a night of orgasmic play, selecting from the sex toy menu at your leisure.
KinkBNB didn’t invent alternative lodgings and the Stay & Play in Monterey, California is living proof. Billing itself as “American’s kinkiest motel”, the Stay & Play is a B&B (Bed and Bondage), accommodation provider. Not luxurious by any means, this property is built in the shell of what used to be a hay storage barn. Each room comes with an assortment of BDSM accouterments (including the requisite whips and chains), as well as a basket of lubes, condoms and even sterile gloves. There’s also an onsite playroom for the adventurous couple and a cage into which your woman might choose to lock you until she feels like letting you out to satisfy her. Catering to couples, these guys will also feed you a hearty breakfast after your night’s extended and (no doubt) exhausting play session.
Right up there in terms of kink (and weird) factor is the Don Q Inn, located in unassuming Dodgeville, Wisconsin. This one’s for you Orgasmatronic connoisseurs of American kitsch in the service of kink. Rumored to resemble sets from 1980s porn films, this little oddity even features beds in igloos and heart-shaped tubs. The Cupid’s Corner room is a particular treat for romantic souls in which both the bed and tub are heart-shaped (and marble, in the case of the tub). There’s also a suite dedicated to those you who enjoy swinging, while the “Mid-Evil” suite comes with its own chain and leather restraints on the bed and chair, if that’s what you’re into. The Don Q also offers a number of rooms with copper cheese vat bathtubs (which sound rather kinky, all on their own). Who knew such madness existed in Dodgeville, Wisconsin? Perfect for those who like their orgasmic adventures with a manic giggle. Don’t forget to take pictures with your cell!
PART 25: CLEARING THE AIR: MAKING SPACE FOR THE BIG BANG
Anyone who says they travel light is probably lying. Most of us have plenty of baggage. Some of the more general baggage was covered in Part 1. But what about our personal baggage?
Old relationships and life’s punches in the head can really put a damper on our sex lives. The faces and names of old flames can loom up in the bedroom, suddenly and unexpectedly and all because we’ve let them hang around, lurking in the dark corners of our minds.
But sometimes, the baggage is more recent. Sometimes, we carry around our little hurts and resentments, just waiting to deploy them in the middle of a fight. We don’t even know we’re doing it, but let’s admit it. We do it.
We hang on to stuff that’s better released. We hang onto it, because we don’t want our partners getting the better of us. We hang onto it out of pride. The result is resentment and resentment likes to stay on simmer, sometimes for a very long time. When the lid finally blows off, things can get pretty ugly.
I’m a guy, so I know it’s hard for us to deal with the past when it comes to our women. We don’t like to think of women as anything but uncharted territory. But unless we’re fourteen, or she’s fourteen, how likely is that, unless she’s a friggin’ nun?
C’mon, guys. Let’s be real.
Knowing about each other’s sore points is the first step toward make them hurt a little less. It may not be pleasant to pick up some of those rocks and look underneath them, but it’s something we should do. It’s a process. You can’t force it. But with trust (there’s that word again), it will happen.
Your woman is a dark continent, full of interesting information. Some of that information is secret and you will never have access to all of it. No one owes you the full story. Some of it will stay forever locked away. Don’t tell me you don’t have some of that going on yourself. Old disappointments. Old failures and old slights can stay with us for a lifetime. Either that, or we can talk about them (at least some of them). Whatever you can do to open your woman’s vault is worth it. The first thing you can do is let her know she can trust you. That’s a tough one for a lot of people.
Trust takes time and patience and like I said, you may never get everything out in the open that needs to come out. But getting to know a woman and what may be holding her back from enjoying you to the fullest is a project that you need to take on in as gung ho a fashion as you might an engine overhaul, or a home reno.
Look for opportunities. Where is she holding back? If she’s holding back sexually, especially, there’s probably a very good reason for it. It may not make one helluva lot of sense to you, but at least in finding out way, you can come to a better understanding. You’ll have the story and you’ll have come to know your woman that much better. That means you’ll have another window into what gets her to the mythical land of “O”. It’s not all about body parts, technique and toys. Some of it is about what’s inside people, eating away at them.
Every woman is different, just as every man is different, as we’ve said earlier. That means her story has a whole other plot line than anyone else’s and some of it you won’t like. Don’t judge the story. Just try to understand it.
As for the grudges the two of you are holding against each other (and don’t tell me there aren’t any), pull them out and burn them like old photos of your exes. They’re not doing anything but taking up space, where your mutual sexual pleasure should be. They just stinking up the joint, when it should be brimming with orgasmic satisfaction and the happy smile on your woman’s face from getting off consistently and bombastically.
Don’t let resentment take the wheel. After a fight, be the first to apologize.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking you shouldn’t apologize, because it’s always her fault. Or maybe you’re thinking you should just close your mouth and go the passive aggression route. No. Don’t be a dick, man. Be better.
Because this is the truth – if you were in the room, then it’s just as much your fault as it is hers. It takes two to bake a cake, whether we’re talking about orgasms during your love play, or about the fights you have. You’re both responsible and you both have to step up, take that engine to pieces and find the problem.
Make up sex is not the solution, because make up sex is like putting lipstick on a pig. It’s still a pig. What caused the fight is still there. The things you both said are still there. The resentment is still simmering, ready to blow the lid off and screw up your life, over and over again. And it will build.
If resentment about any given event is left to fester, it’s pretty easy to let a whole bunch of other ones join in. That can take up a lot of space. If you let these grudges build up, soon there won’t be space for you and your woman to enjoy each other in any way, sexually or otherwise and you will, eventually, go your separate ways, hating each other’s guts.
If that sounds like a good deal to you, then let it all hang in the air. From my experience, it’s not a great way to live and it’s certainly not a great way to have a satisfying, orgasmically bombastic sex life (unless you like flying solo more than you like the team option – not that there’s anything wrong with that, either – I’m just saying).
Clearing the air is one more way to make sure you’re able to help your woman reach orgasm every time you have sex with her. Women can hang on to resentments for a long time. They don’t want to take them out and look at them any more than you do. Sometimes, without knowing it, women’s emotions can work against their sexual pleasure. The tension inside them caused by the built up resentment of grudges collected over time can kill their desire to be sexual with you and that is one miserable way for a woman to relate to you. She doesn’t want it, either.
I said it earlier and I’ll say it again. A four-letter word for sex and for orgasm is talk. Talk it out. Kill the resentment or kill the world of sensual pleasure that can open up for you with the right kind of communication between you and your woman. I know it’s not easy. Sometimes, we’d rather just silently endure; because that’s the way we’ve been taught we’re “supposed” to behave. But let me ask you this. When has that ever made your good thing with your woman any better? When has being a clam, full of pent up stuff you’d just as soon get off your chest made your sex life better?
It hasn’t and you know it.
Make sure you know how to broach the subject; any time you make the first move toward a discussion like the one we’re talking about. Don’t write a word for word script, but have a game plan. Don’t walk into it unprepared, because that’s when you’re vulnerable to the “blurt”.
The “blurt” will just come out of nowhere. It can rip itself out of your face faster than a beer belch and blow the whole situation all to hell. Avoid it. Plan to head it off at your larynx. Walk into your discussion with an idea of what you’re going to say and with the thought in mind that you’re about to have a two-way conversation in which you will listen as much as you talk. You’ll wait until she’s said what she has to. She’ll do the same for you, but maybe be up front and say that’s how it’s going to go. If the two of you have difficulty allowing the other to finish a thought before barreling ahead, it’s a good idea to agree not to interrupt each other before anyone starts actually spilling it. Maybe have an object the two of you can pass to each other. Native Americans use this in talking circles. Whether it’s a feather or a dildo (which might be a good icebreaker), using a “talking stick” is a good way to keep everybody honest.
Hold hands with her. Look into her eyes. Tell her how highly you think of her. Conversations that clear the air and make space for the kind of mind-blowing sex and her earth shattering orgasms are about setting the scene, too.
You may not want to. Right now you’re probably thinking I’m a dickhead for even suggesting this. But you need to do it if you want to get to the good part. Sorry, dudes. But this is one of those few times when you really do need to suck it up.
Congratulations! You’re now armed with the knowledge required for you to help your woman experience optimal sexual pleasure each and every time you make love! As a popular cartoon and comic article character always says, “knowing is only half the battle”.
The other half is action or application of what you know. Believe me, this is the really fun and enjoyable part of this e-article – putting into practice what you’ve learned. As you apply the lessons you’ve learned here, you’ll get better and better and eventually master the techniques needed to help your woman climax each and every time.
Now you must go forth, Agent Orgasmo and do what you need to do. You need be all that a tube of lube. Armed with the kind of knowledge you need of your woman’s body, what turns her on and how you can explore her sexuality and yours toward greater sexual fulfillment, you’re about to go on the ride of your life with her.
Part of that ride is the excitement of becoming a man with genuine sexual confidence; the kind of confidence that’s not afraid to try new things and break new ground. Because you went a step further than most guys are willing to and read this article, you’ve already set yourself apart as someone ready to make a really great change in his sex life – and his woman’s.
As you move through your orgasm-inducing adventures with your lover, I wish you many happy days, nights (and lunch hours) of mutual ecstasy, discovery and most of all, erotic fun. What could be more fulfilling than a sexual road trip, just the two of you, into a future full of orgasmic delight?
I certainly can’t think of anything, Agent Orgasmo.
Here’s to your sexual success and your woman’s sexual pleasure!