Can’t Spell Dedicate Without the Letters D A T E
There are plenty of ways to get dates. You could possibly get dates everywhere you go, regardless of the setting, time or place. Just like real estate, dating is all about location, location, location. Personally, I am perpetually looking for new dating opportunities by a variety of means to make sure I’m always understanding and applying what I’ve outlined in this article. Have you ever seen the movie Wedding Crashers? You can have as much success in dating as those guys, and much more! Let us go over some hypothetical scenarios and real-life examples that are achievable means to getting more dates.
Have you ever thought of leaving a note for that beautiful girl at the bank, work, or a restaurant? You probably never considered it, but one of my go-to moves is writing something light like, “Hey, I think you’re cute!” I draw a smiley face, add my name, phone number, and Instagram page. Then, I have someone else give it to her, like a friend, waitress, or coworker. So, there’s no pressure on my end and she does not feel pressured and feels curious as well, and as they say, curiosity killed the cat. You might be asking, why should I give my social media account? I just want to talk to her! Remember to use all your resources, and social media is a very important one. I personally like to let my Instagram do the “talking” because I’ve set it up in a pleasant and alluring way. I’ll give you a little tip on that in the upcoming chapters.
I once went to a bar where I saw a girl who was very attractive, but the conversation lasted less than a minute because she was surrounded by a bunch of men. I suppose they were friends and other interested males. I completely bailed because it seemed nearly impossible to hold her attention, and quite frankly, if she isn’t paying attention to you, then you’ve already lost. But what happened the next weekend was pure magic. I went to the same bar and saw her again, but this time with no men around—just her girlfriends. I knew only one thing about her, that she was French. I walked up to her and said, “You must be French.” She was shocked that I knew where she was from because she didn’t remember talking to me the previous weekend. Since I’d traveled to France before, it was easy to have an interesting conversation. In fact, things went like crème de la crème. After that, we spent about two weeks together before she went back to France.
Another way to get a date, which is a thrilling and memorable experience, if you have the balls for it, is to approach a woman during the day. You can approach someone at a store, a mall, at work, or at the gym. If you ask any girl what her ideal way of meeting her future husband is, it’s this way, not your local bar, although people have found their significant others in these social gatherings. Doing this will also differentiate you from all the other guys, because it rarely happens. Nowadays, the probability of getting a date is higher during the daytime because she is not expecting it. Being asked when she doesn’t have her guard up can be a good thing.
If you say hi with enthusiasm, genuine interest, and a smile on your face, then you’re usually golden. I like to approach women in a freestyle manner. Psychologically, this will help you trust yourself more and not fear rejection. I know guys wish they had a magical pickup line, but trust me, there isn’t one. The secret is if a girl likes you, then anything will work. I’ll explain more in Part 2.
However, it’s common to be anxious about talking to someone you like, so let me share with you the easiest way to open doors and engage in a conversation with anyone. Talk about what you’re experiencing at the moment like you’re a friendly and social person who chats with everyone.
For example, think about a night at a lounge, and imagine yourself going up to someone who has caught your eye. You say something like, “Wow! The drinks are amazing here, right? yours looks better than mine. What are you drinking?”
Now, think about seeing someone while you’re at the beach with your boys: “Hey! My friends and I are looking for people to join a game of volleyball. You seem like a total pro, want to join?”
Imagine approaching a girl at the gym: “Hey, I’ve seen you here before, and I’ve got to say you’re doing amazing. How are you progressing so fast?”
And what about a group of girls at a club? “Hey, you guys all seem super fun. Where are you from?”
Ever thought about going out alone to get a date? Many guys fear going out alone, but it’s highly effective. Going out alone screams confidence and indicates that you don’t need anyone to enjoy life. Going out solo works when you’re somewhere that you genuinely enjoy. This eases your social tension and guarantees that you will have a great time, even if you don’t talk to anyone. Going to a speakeasy for some great drinks or seeing your favorite DJ or band are some excellent options. Just keep it public; you want the date to end with you cuffed to a bed, not to your local jail.
Usually, while you’re out enjoying your time alone, a girl will give you the eye, and that’s your cue to come in. Or sometimes she will come and talk to you, but you must be patient. When solo, I rarely approach someone right away. I actually enjoy watching men go up to girls and get rejected—it’s fascinating! Seeing the social setting and reading the body language is all very interesting, and you can learn a lot about human nature. If you’re just seen as an observer, girls will wonder why you’re not approaching them. And many times, the one that interests you is the one you end the night with. The whole process seems very organic when you go out to enjoy and appreciate something, rather than hunting for a date.
Another reason I don’t approach is because you might be ruining your chances with the girl that actually likes you. If one girl sees you get shot down by another girl, then your value to that girl goes down and you lose them both. If you’re by yourself, a girl will approach you most often when she’s about to leave the bar, and don’t be surprised if there’s a swift invitation to a different location. Often the new location is more intimate.
A good tip is to be a sociable guy who talks to everyone. Don’t confuse being sociable with being “rejection guy,” the guy who goes up to every girl and gets rejected by the whole bar within thirty minutes of being there. You especially don’t want to do that if this is your local spot. If this is a place you see yourself going to a lot and building relationships with the people that go there, then take it easy and let relationships develop organically. The best spots to hang out are the bars or clubs because many women will go to those areas. Conversations can easily spark, giving you a great chance to get a date.
More people will be attracted to you when you give random compliments to other people. A lot of women don’t even know they’re in your league unless you show them some interest. Just like we have our insecurities, they do too.
When you are out with your boys, who are more experienced and there’s not an even ratio of women and men, getting a date is more challenging, but still doable. I have a group of guys who all have no trouble getting a girl, so when a new hot one shows up, everyone’s the sharpest tool in the shed. I’ve realized the more you don’t try, the more dates you get. Eventually, everyone gets a piece of the pie anyway. There are all types of preferences and plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. And you need to become a master baiter.
When I’m out with my friends who have excellent salesmanship, I like to have a challenging game with them. We set a five-minute timer, and within that time you have to complete a challenge or buy your friends a drink. We often challenge someone to go up to a girl and get her number. An even harder challenge is to get a girl to dance with you in those five minutes. When we really want to up the ante, we’ll challenge our friends to find someone to make out with. More often than not, the really charming guys can make it happen. Plus, it’s a fun way to get social, meet girls, and feel confident, even if you do not complete the “challenge.” Treating socializing like a game helps you lose your fear of rejection, which stops you from ever even going up to that special someone.
Another highly effective technique is going out with female friends whom you don’t want to date. When you’re out with a female friend and girls notice you’re not together, they start to get curious. You’ve piqued their interest because you’re either a fun gay guy or a ladies’ man. Also, going out with a female friend is proof to other women that you’re a desirable man to be with. It also shows you have standards and don’t just select any female. Women at the bar will get the impression that you’re hard to get, and every woman or man loves a challenge. She will most likely approach you or your friend to start a conversation. Suddenly, you’ve opened a door just by having fun with your friend. And if your friend posts a video or picture in their social media, ask her to tag you. Then, you can potentially attract a girl that follows her.
If you’re attracted to someone in your group of friends, tell everyone you think she’s really cute and let the message get heard through the grapevine. If it’s meant to be, then it will happen organically, which is the best way to pursue a romance among your immediate circle. You do not want drama close to home and respecting boundaries will help you stay drama-free.
My personal favorite ways to find a date are through Instagram, Facebook, Tinder, and Bumble.
On Instagram, I search through the location and hashtag tabs of my favorite and popular bars, clubs, restaurants, viewpoints, beaches, and areas that I find interesting in either my city or a place I’m visiting. I then message my potential dates that have tagged themselves at these places. You can also use the twenty-four-hour story feature on Instagram to see who is currently at the club, park, beach or place where you are currently. This may sound a little creepy and stalkerish; however, this is just to get a feel for the situation beforehand. It’s like preparing for a test. You have to study properly to pass. This method actually beats going up to her at a club when she’s in rejection mode. You definitely won’t get anywhere—trust me. Oh! Of course, this will only work if her page isn’t private.
On Instagram and Facebook, my favorite lines and first messages are:
“Hey, I know this is a bit random. But I thought you were really cute. My name’s Jeff, I’m from the East Coast. Who are you?”
Notice the basic format of this message: a greeting, a cute complement, your name, a small detail about you that isn’t usual (I was in California at the time), and an open-ended question. Always add that final, open-ended question. Another rule of thumb to keep conversations interesting, light and playful is to write something that can end the conversation or you can continue the conversation with “lol” (laughing out loud). This helps keep the conversation playful and flirtatious.
Getting to know a girl on social media can be tough, but you have a lot to work with, especially if she frequently posts. You have to get creative. Asking questions about her previous posts and pictures is a good start. Just make sure it’s a recent post and not something you had to scroll for hours to see. Also, if she posts stories, comment on them. Keep it interactive. Post stories yourself so she has a chance to initiate a conversation by commenting on yours. If she does respond, you have a solid indicator that she’s interested in you in some way, which is positive. You can also share funny or inspirational memes depending on what kind of girl you think she is and what you are looking for.
I like to let girls know I have a friend in town that I’m showing around and invite them to join. If I’m interested in doing a cool activity and I don’t want to do alone, I invite them. Sometimes I ask what they think a good first date should be. Many times, they’ll give you great ideas that are different and unexpected from your normal dates. Bear in mind that it doesn’t really matter what you say because if a girl likes you, then saying almost anything is okay.
Imagine you just matched on Tinder or Bumble with a girl you are interested in. How do you keep the conversation going and turn it into a date? Well, I try to move the conversation to Instagram or Facebook when I feel like it’s dying down because there are more topics we can engage about and comment on through those platforms. You may be thinking, what about texting? I hardly text anymore as a first approach because texting is a boring, colorless platform. It would be weird if you just started sharing photos of your day-to-day life over text, especially in the beginning. Stay on social media. Trust me. And don’t even ask for numbers anymore.
Many times, it’s not about what you say, but what you don’t say. Nonverbal communication can make up to 90% of all communication. So, whatever you are blabbing about is really not as important as how it’s being said and where it is coming from. Also, the exact words your date is saying is not the most important aspect in reading the situation. Think about this the next time you approach a girl or are on a date. Having a great voice tone, good eye contact, and a nice smile with the right body language—yes, your body talks—is as important or even more important than selecting the correct words.
To get better at this skill, I recommend you practice role playing with a friend to get feedback on your approach. You could also film yourself having a conversation with others and then watch your video to read your body language. Mute it and see if your body conveys the message you want to project.
If you’d like to practice alone, record yourself saying a few lines you’d normally use to start a conversation or to chat with someone. Be honest in how you’d react if someone approached you in your make-believe scenario.
Ask yourself if you sound like someone who’s worth listening to. Do you look like someone who is worth listening to? Are you reflecting the image you would like others to see? If not, keep practicing to get there.
You could always study others and what they say and do. Pay attention to how people on television speak, like news anchors, tv hosts and motivational speakers. Look for their pauses, their fluctuations in voice and pace. Where do they emphasize words? How about their facial expressions, body movement and gestures? Do they have eye contact with their listeners?
Nailing a good approach is sometimes all you need to get her attraction and have her interested, so get your hammer and nail it down.
Body language is very important and how comfortable you are in your body speaks loudly. For example, I know you’ve seen this before: “the guy with the best dance moves in the club getting all the ladies, or at least all their attention.” Well, that was me and several of my friends. I’m a really good dancer and I have many stories of where a night on the dance floor ended with me and a lucky gal. Many times, not one word was said and I’ve gotten numbers, and make out sessions. I’ve taken girls home with probably less than 30 words said between us.
Can you see the power of body language? You may think you need to be a Michael Jackson type dancer, but no. You do not have to be a guru in dancing. Dancing is not the only way to express your body and yourself. Most of my friends are not spectacular dancers, but they know how to relax, let loose, get comfortable and enjoy their time. So, to get in touch with your body, do some high cardio exercises, sports, yoga. These help you know where your body is at all times and how it reacts to your thoughts. Soon enough you will be one with your moves. Pick up a few easy dance steps that you can use to any music. Search for videos on YouTube. Starting out, don’t get too fancy so you don’t look like a fool.
You Ain’t Hubby Unless You’re Chubby
Size doesn’t matter as long as you look healthy. My friends come in all shapes and sizes, and none of them have gotten any less fun. Why is size an unimportant factor when it comes to dating girls? To put it bluntly, a rounder man is never given the stereotype of a player, now known as a fuckboy. As men tend to put women on a pedestal for physical appearance, fatter men are put on a pedestal for having caring, sweet personalities while men with nice physiques tend to be seen as fuckboys.
I’ve been blown off several times because I look like your stereotypical fuckboy. Most women don’t want a man who looks too attractive because deep down they worry that he’ll be wooed by a maneater who can’t resist his looks. It’s no coincidence that girlfriends and wives tend to constantly tell their fat lovers that they look great the way they are. A fat man never strays far from his meal ticket.
Regardless of your physical appearance, if you’re a heavy, fit, or skinny man, the best thing you can do for yourself is practice excellent hygiene. Grooming and style are important. The best big men I know always check these off. Using your natural-given looks in your favor will make you shine.
A Pair of Abs is like a Pair of Double D’s
With some nice, chiseled abs, you can instantly turn a girl on. This shows hard work and dedication, which are great qualities. If you have a six-pack of abs, try and do anything on a date or first encounter that lets you show them off. A hike or beach date are great excuses to take your shirt off. If you are dancing flirtatiously, have her rub her hands on your stomach. Set your phone screen saver to a shirtless picture of you doing something fun and active, and post similar pictures to your social media accounts. Make sure it is an up-to-date photo and it isn’t just you with your shirt off. Make it as discreet as possible that you’re trying to show off your body at the beach or on a hike, or you’ll look like a tool or player. And reversing that impression is an uphill battle. The goal is to make her say yes to that chest, and abs.
Tall Guys Don’t Get All the Girls
My tallest friends aren’t actually the savviest with women. Most women want a man who is at least their height, and luckily most girls are shorter than men. I know plenty of short men who constantly are in relationships with hot, taller women. They focus on other qualities that attract women such as grooming, style, body shape, and above all—a great personality.
On dating sites avoid listing your height. In person, girls aren’t really that shallow, but a good percentage of girls won’t meet a guy whose height is listed on a dating app as less than six feet. I’m five nine and had way less matches than usual when I listed it. I also lied once and listed my height as six feet on an app where girls grade your appearance, and I went from a B plus to an A minus in minutes. I recommend leaving it blank and avoiding the topic. Girls will not normally ask about your height, so don’t mention it. Plus, we all know which size matters most.
Height matters more with online dating when it’s disclosed before you meet. Your physical attributes override any amazing personality traits because they don’t know you, and first impressions are significant.
For short men, getting a date at a club is a tough endeavor because girls are superficially tall with their heels and feel unconsciously safe around taller men. Tall guys thrive in clubs, but as a short man, you’re better off at bars and places where heels don’t get worn as much. Just like age, height ain’t nothing but a number.
A short man at a club will usually need another way to catch a girl’s attention. For example, he can do this by:
Being well connected.
Having his own table.
Being an amazing dancer.
Having an exotic haircut.
Possessing an appealing style.
Dates are in essence job applications. We all know that if you’re going for a corporate job, you’ll be better off wearing a three-piece suit with a tie, and if you’re interviewing to be a lifeguard, you’re better off wearing swim shorts. Imagine the ideal man presenting himself to your ideal girl to get a better understanding of how you could present yourself. Note: Some women (and even men) find it important to look their best and show up in brand name attire.
There’s nothing wrong with this; however, keep in mind that sometimes, if the first impression doesn’t merge with the girl’s fantasy and/or preference, then there’s no second date, which equals no second chance. I personally can outshine most of the time, but for a new person in the dating world, your best bet is checking off all the boxes to go further along in the process, gain more experience, and ultimately get a date. Dress to impress, but don’t show up in a tux.
As you get further along in dating, you might realize that women are looking for the exact opposite of their ex-lovers and being the exact opposite in style works wonders. If you haven’t noticed, couples that stay together for a long time tend to adopt similar clothing styles and trends. Remember to always be true to your own style and comfort. And you can also dress according to the girl’s fashion while making it your own and giving you an edge. For example, a corporate business woman may like being approached in casual business attire; however, let’s say you are also a bit of a rocker and love to wear bracelets. Wear your suit and your bracelets. It would be an interesting piece of conversation.
My motto for all types of style and attire is making it look tough, which you can achieve by dressing in dark colors. The only time to stay away from dark colors is if it’s a hot, sunny day and you’re by the beach. Or you plan on taking her through dark alleys.
Accessories are also a part of the style you’ll want to incorporate. A nice watch, bracelet, necklace, and earrings can help you advance. Stores like Aldo, Zara and Express have a nice selection of accessories for any style. Your car, phone case, background image, and even your wallet are also accessories that can say a lot about you.
Whatever your style, define it. Look for similar ideas online. Think about how your ideal girl dresses. Go for that style and try it out. Ask friends how you look or you can ask the store attendant for an honest opinion. (Hopefully they are not working on commission).
To our distant primate cousins (gorillas, chimps, and bonobos), a groomed ape has the most social capital. A groomed ape has friends because apes spend time together taking fleas and bugs off each other. And having friends is a good indicator to females that you’re a guy she can trust. Also, the appearance of being well groomed signals to a female that you have things going on in your life, that appearance matters, and that you care to look well-kept. So, keep your body clean, you damn dirty ape!
A girl could think you have a lucrative job or frequent events that require you to look sharp. They will also perceive from your appearance that you are confident, which is sexy on its own. There’s no doubt that every week when you’re looking your best, you will feel your best.
You need to determine which haircut best suits you. For me, I look horrible with buzz cuts. My head is too lumpy, and my face doesn’t look well. The hair on the top of my head needs about five inches of length to look its best, and the hair needs to flow backwards. The hair on the side of my head needs to be faded and not grow over a centimeter. My beard and mustache need to be buzzed to a five o’clock shadow every three days. My eyebrows need to be plucked and trimmed every week. I’ve experienced many styles throughout my life and have found this one to be the most effective. Hence, I maintain this look and remain “hot” to girls.
It’s unbelievable the disadvantage some men take on by not recognizing the importance of self-maintenance. Adopt a weekly grooming routine and girls will fall in love with it. Think about it. Girls are the same. I’ve never met a super-hot girl who didn’t brush her hair. No matter who you are, if you don’t maintain your hair and beard, you’ll look neglected. And even though it’s possible to meet girls and be successful at dating them, without good grooming, it’s an uphill battle. Why fight it?
Your best overall haircut would be one that makes you look manly and tough. Any haircut could work, but some styles are a deal-breaker. During these times, a highlighted mullet with bangs will be a hard pass, but a buzz cut will always be accepted. Choose wisely! Need help finding a style? Look at different haircuts on Google and ask your barber what style would look good on you. Then, try it out!
You can also accessorize with hats. But if you decide to wear one on the first date, a girl might think you’re hiding an insecurity. Expect her to ask to see your hair, and when she quickly rips that hat off and pretends it’s the most beautiful hair in the world, think Prince Charming in Shrek.And you don’t want her to think you’re an ogre on the first date.
Remember not to ignore the eyebrows, beard, nose hair, ear hair, and body hair. Give yourself one day a week when you focus on hair maintenance. Like ZZ top said, “Cause every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man.”
On Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge, your first picture should be the most effective picture, and it must follow certain rules.
1. Your face must be visible. Super-high-quality photos are a must for a profile picture that is super effective. Many cell phones have good quality cameras that take great pictures. From the iPhone 7 and up, you can capture one without a professional camera. A combination of these is the most effective.
2. Make your profile interesting. Utilize your great smile, pets, and beautiful destinations. Showing off your body with a beach picture works well, but you can also highlight a cool hobby, tattoo and even your grandma. A picture with a celebrity makes for an interesting story. A suit and tie or a group photo with your friends can show off a side of your personality. It can even be you in your nice car, but make it interesting!
3. Remember not to ever use pictures taken in front of a mirror– not ever. They are not flattering and can make you look undesirable because it’s as if you had nothing to do with other people who could have taken a picture with or of you.
All these elements in your pictures also give the girl an opportunity to comment on something when she doesn’t know what to say and wants to keep up the conversation. And following these rules keeps you from posting duck lipped selfies or embarrassing bathroom pictures.
For the biography part of your profile, use your favorite quote and what you value. Show depth. But don’t quote poets; no one likes a blow hard.
My personal favorite bio was:
If you have the Three B’s (brains, beauty, and booty) you’re golden.
I love traveling, and I’ve been meditating for ten years.
Keep it short, simple, qualifying, honest. Girls like honesty. And see how I used humor? Being funny in a subtle way is a good go to.
These pages should have the pictures discussed on your dating profiles plus a lot more of your hobbies and passions. Pictures of the people you love (just make sure there are no exes), talents, and animals are all good pictures that can lead to great conversations. Plus, every girl wants to pet your pet.
Your profile should look however you want it to. I believe you should always be you so you can attract your ideal girl or at least the girl you are wanting. Be real and genuine. You can manipulate the page to attract a specific girl. For example, if you’re trying to get the attention of a girl who loves to go out to eat or dance, have some photos of you doing just that. It shows common interest, which will help you attract the type of girl you are looking for. Set yourself up with date bait to reel the ladies in.
A short biography with your favorite quote and what you value can be used here, too. Show who you are and what you enjoy!
Here are basic texting rules you should follow to ensure getting a date and scoring another one.
Keep your introduction simple. For example, you can write a full response, “Hey there, I’m Chez. And recently moved here. Who are you?” Or you can sometimes text, “Hey” to start the conversation. Keep in mind, you might not get a response right away; sometimes you will get a reply three months later. Don’t let this cause you to re-text; I’ve had this happen numerous times. Funny thing is, later on these girls have become serious relationships or even girlfriends. Don’t let desperation fill your texts.
Don’t double text unless you have to. This means write paragraphs—not multiple sentences—to keep the conversation going. If she does not answer right away, I wouldn’t wait that long to reply. I might reply two weeks later and say, “Hey again.” Sometimes she just forgot to message you. Do not overdo this and give it time. There was one time that I ended up going on a date with a girl because she said I was very persistent. So, man up and text—not sext—those ladies!
Make It Sound Cooler, don’t Fool Her
Express yourself in a cool way. And it’s better to be cool than a fool.
For example, at one point in my life, I worked for a moving company. But instead of identifying as a mover, I would call myself a foreman and supervisor for my best friend’s moving company. I would explain that the job wasn’t really for me, but it paid well, and I got to hang out with my best friend, be in charge of my own crew, and take vacations whenever I wanted. This is all true, but it beats saying, “I’m just a mover for a moving company.” Learning the art of describing simple activities can make you stand out, and it helps you sell yourself in a good way.
Another example was when I was a car salesman. Doesn’t sound so appetizing until I describe it as an Exotics Supercars salesman in San Diego. I added the cool details to my favor, which made me look more appealing and interesting. And also set up great date bait.
For men who find themselves living in their mom’s basement, try describing your housing situation in a positive light. For example, you might live in the downstairs apartment of your family’s house and upstairs is your sister and your cute nieces and nephews. Emphasize that you love living close to family. There’s no shame in that. You have to know how to sell it. Remember, there’s always a cooler way to say things, and that’s the way you should see it. Keep it light and breezy to avoid sounding cheesy.
You can ask for a date when you’ve both expressed similar interest in something. So, find common ground without being a stalker.
For example, let’s say you’ve both mentioned that you love apple pie. Now you can ask her to go apple picking and bake a pie one day. You can also throw in a stop for some vanilla ice cream to go with it. She’ll probably say, “Sure!” or “That sounds great!” Then, set up a time and make a plan.
After you get the date, remember that it’s perfectly normal to ask where she lives to get some logistics taken care of.
Another example for a dog-lover is: “Hey, let’s go to the dog park, get some ice cream and pet strangers’ puppies. Or go to a puppy store.”
And how about this for someone who loves pizza: “I know the best pizza in town. Shall we go? My treat.”
Try this for someone who loves the beach: “Let’s go watch the sunset. The sky is going to be beautiful today.”
You can also ask for a date randomly, which I like to do.
I tell her about a simple task to see if she is interested in joining me, such as: “I want to go get some of the seasonal pumpkin spice at Starbucks. Want to come?” Or you can say: “I need to go to the mall, to get my mom a gift. Want to join me?” Another effective example is: “Hey, my friend’s birthday party is today, and we’re getting a bottle for him. Let me know if you and your friends are down.” She may feel more comfortable going with another friend to a general birthday party. Plus, a friend of yours might get to know her friend, which makes it a win-win scenario. And we all know some of our friends could use the hookup.
Get Out and Stay Out (on the Date)
I came to a conclusion that the further away you travel from where your date lives, the more likely sex will be involved. A lot of men shy away from dates that are an hour away because they do not see the benefit. But something special happens when a girl is away from home. She starts to feel like there’s no one around to judge her and she starts feeling more secure in her sexual impulses toward you. Everyone gets a little wilder when they feel free. Same thing if you live far from where she usually lives or hangs out. Women feel more secure when they don’t have to worry about running into someone they know who might judge them. This gives many women a sense of power and freedom. Do you disagree?
Think about it: This is why girls on vacation become equally as promiscuous as men. Keep in mind that your date should be aware and agree to where the date will be and remember that a distant date does not guarantee sex, or anything sexual, for that matter. Focus on having fun on the date and getting to know a new person. But putting the odds in your favor never hurt, right?
It’s all about the Benjamins, Baby
Going on a date is like an investment, potentially the best investment you’ll ever make—your wife. Just beware of gold diggers; ask Kanye!
Nothing turns a girl off more than a cheap date. Be cheap everywhere else in your life, if you must, but not on dates. My rule is I pay for the first date, and by the third date if she doesn’t offer to pay once, then I’m done dating her most likely. I’m not trying to be used, but I am trying to show her I can be a gentleman and provide. “I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger, but . . .”
Some inexpensive, memorable dates are hikes, site-seeing, movies, ordering appetizers, ordering pitchers or buckets at bars, parks, beaches, or taking your dogs on a walk. If you take her out to a local spot and it’s close to her home—a thirty-minute walk is a good length—ask her if she wants to walk and talk? Offer her your jacket if it’s chilly, hold her hand, and talk. Get to know each other. Every girl’s ideal date is different, and girls want different experiences at different moments in their lives, just like we do. We are always evolving and changing.
A girl who just turned twenty-one might be enthusiastic about the biggest nightclub while a woman in her forties might enjoy wine by a fire with a cozy blanket and her favorite book. It’s your job to make your date her ideal date. And if you cannot think of what her ideal date will be, I usually invite her to an activity I already planned for that week. But don’t pick a date where you’re going to have to learn a difficult task, such as snowboarding. Pick something you’ll look confident doing without too much movement, and you will be able to talk and focus on your date. Relate for the best date.
What do I mean by the Three-in-One Rule? It means three dates in one day. The reason for this is that unplanned events always come up. We’re dealing with humans and this is normal. Even your best friends will often cancel plans, and keep in mind you’re still a stranger to these girls, so it’s a lot easier for cancellations to happen. So, to avoid wasted time, set as many dates as possible in your free time. This will guarantee you can go on at least one date that day. It might even get you laid three times in one day.
If you’re a very busy person with only one day off each week, then this method can ease the pressure you put on one girl to go on a date. If you happen to get two girls that agree to the date, simply reschedule with the other girl by asking her to meet up after your first date. Sometimes you’ll know right away that the date isn’t your type. In that case you can end the date early and recontact the other girl to hang out for another date. In my opinion, this is the only way you can maximize your time. Maximize your time and your chances.
When you’re about to go on your date, it’s time to unclutter your mind and get into Zen mode. Relax and get ready to unwind. Put on a peaceful meditation playlist and let thoughts from your busy week dissolve. Being relaxed will help you feel more confident and let your personality shine. You will more likely make a strong first in-person impression. Your first impression is important and can make or break your date. Some men cannot recover easily from a bad first impression. And we know there’s no second chance at a first impression.
After meditating, have a cup of tea or an energy drink and give this lucky girl a fully present, masculine, and energized bloke of a man. If you bring your A game to the date you might end up with a home run. Now, go woo her!
So, you got the date but you are nervous. A great and powerful tool at everyone’s reach is self-hypnosis, which is a great way to recondition the mind to make it work for you. Self-hypnosis is a method in which you tell your mind to think, act, or believe certain things so you can accept that self-suggestion as true and valid. I suggest learning to use this resource to your advantage so you can sharpen your attractive behaviors with the minimum number of interactions and greatest rate of success. Imagine yourself in certain scenarios in which you would need to smile a lot and make direct eye contact with different women. Practicing this, or any other scenario, helps you feel confident, and when it happens in real life, you’ve already been through this situation numerous times and feel more comfortable doing it in person. You are your own worst enemy, so win in your mind; then win in life.
For example, I once wanted to learn how to make out with women as fast as possible, and being inexperienced, I didn’t want to make myself look bad with the actual girl. So, I did an exercise where I induced hypnosis on myself. In this state, I envisioned going down an elevator, getting off on the second floor. When the doors opened, there was a beautiful lady in a red dress about fifteen feet in front of me enjoying her drink. When I approached her the first time, I immediately got rejected because I wasn’t smooth with my introduction. I continued the process of trial and error going up and down the elevator until my introduction got really sharp and she agreed to a kiss. The following day, I went to a beach club with my friends, and I made out with four girls in less than one hour because one of my friends challenged me. I had practiced in my mind and now felt confident doing it in real life. However, when I challenged my friends, they couldn’t even get one peck of a kiss. So be like the universe and “planet” it out.
If you’re capable of displaying any of the following behaviors, you’ll end up being attractive to many women. However, if you do the opposite of these, you might not. Again, every woman is different. There are qualities she’ll find more attractive at different stages of her life, which are greatly influenced by the culture around her. In spite of this, if I had to generalize, I’d say women like a man who’s not judgmental and gives her space to express herself without fear of rejection. This helps her feel liberated, which is something she could be lacking in her personal circle or at work. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t like to feel free and accepted.
Women like men who genuinely value friendship. It reassures them to know that even if you don’t work out as a couple, you may pursue a friendship instead of ignoring them. This is especially comforting for women who are online dating and are new to the area. Also, this will keep her on her toes and guessing whether you’re really into her or not, which is good on your end. It makes you mysterious and possessing criteria and standards. You are not merely trying to get her into bed. Remember: Being kind, empathetic, and sympathetic will make her feel that you won’t hurt her emotionally in the tough times because you are sensitive and considerate of her feelings. With women sharing is caring.
Here’s a list with small description of tools that will get you “cool” points with the ladies:
Getting to know her and listening to her are two powerful tools that any woman—heck, any human being—enjoys. So, when you are on a date, be attentive to the details and stories she’s telling you. If you mention them in a future conversation, it shows you were listening and interested. These are points in your favor. And everyone loves to be listened to. This doesn’t mean to become her therapist or that it is a first-class ticket to the friend zone.
Sharing some of your secrets makes her feel like she can easily trust you. It also shows that you are open. People love hearing stories. Telling your story in a cool and relatable way also keeps her engaged in the conversation. In sales, everyone knows stories are the best tool in the game. We’ve all been listening to stories since we were infants. There’s always a cool and unique way to tell a story. You should remember your coolest moments in life and be ready to share them. If you think you don’t have a lot of cool stories, I suggest you start doing cool activities. More likely than not, you already have many awesome qualities that will attract your lucky lady.
Having a nonchalant attitude, as if there’s nothing she can do to bother you, helps her see your confidence, which is the new sexy, right? Loving your life and doing what you’re passionate about is attractive and a desirable quality. It shows authenticity!
Being accepting of yourself and everyone else, not judging the world, not taking yourself too seriously, and sometimes laughing at yourself can help trust develop. And if you don’t already know, trust is important. If she trusts you in the streets, she’ll trust you in the sheets.
Being forgiving towards yourself and everyone else is great and an attractive quality that most people find difficult. If you have a forgiving nature and can demonstrate it, you will be a rare find to your date, which leads to your being remembered and desired.
Being present in the moment, sensitive to her enchanting feminine energy, letting your guard down, being open about your attraction towards her, and letting her express herself will go far toward developing a genuine rapport that might turn into a relationship.
Below are some additional tips for presenting the best version of yourself on your next date:
Be a good dancer. Being able to move your body is an extraordinary skill that can be very sexual. I recommend taking a local dance class if you need help. There are even online dance classes if you cannot find one in their area. Remember to practice, practice, and practice!
Be gentle and smooth with your hands. If you get the chance, caress her or move her hair out of her face while she’s talking; you want to be able to see her eyes.
Be well dressed and well groomed.
Practice good hygiene.
Have good or similar taste in music, food, drinks, books, hobbies, and shows.
Be a family man and have a group of good friends.
Be economically stable.
Desire success. This demonstrates a determined mindset and goals.
Acknowledge a past of adversity and achievement. Women like men who have faced tough endeavors.
Be well-traveled, knowledgeable, and cultured.
Be your authentic self.
Be comfortable with silence. Let’s face it, there are some days where words do not flow as easily as we’d wish. Being comfortable in her presence and enjoying the moment goes a long way.
Have boundaries and a sense of morals.
Be an inspiring person or be inspired by others.
Being a nerd, contrary to popular opinion, is very attractive depending on where you are.
Be an adventurous, thrill-seeking person.
Have a go-for-it attitude.
Be a well-intended man with no agenda other than enjoying a pleasant experience.
Be a funny person. Who doesn’t love to laugh?
Be a person who understands social behaviors and shows good manners. Show her that chivalry isn’t dead, and men aren’t from Mars.
Be a non-superficial person who values personality equal to or above looks. Remember: Looks change, so show that you have depth!
Don’t be attracted to her only if she’s attracted to you. Remember, you may find a potential friend who can introduce you to friends that you can “kick it” with.
Having a nice, maintained body shows self-respect. Staying well-groomed is most important.
Keep good eye contact that is not forced. Don’t avoid having your eyes meeting. This is a strong trait that shows you are comfortable being yourself. Remember, the eyes are the windows of the soul, so show yourself and let her show herself.
Be a leader of a group. Think of the alpha male but without being a tool.
Be charmingly persistent.
This is a short list of so many vast qualities and important features to keep in mind when you show your date who you are. Always be yourself, be accepting, and be honest. Those traits alone will go far. Keep it real because real recognizes real.
For a woman to be turned on, she must first feel comfortable. For a woman, getting turned on is like turning the knob on the volume. Men, on the other hand, get turned in like a light switch. For her, it gradually goes up and down until reaching the maximum volume while men—well, we go from zero to one hundred in minus one second. The best way to dial her up quickly comes with spending time together and both of you feeling comfortable. Once a woman is comfortable, your masculine energy will start to get her turned on. At this point, if she allows it, physical touching like a head massage, some kissing and making out, finding her sweet spot, kissing her neck are great indicators the date is going well. Having a drink, or smoking a jay are some ways women like to unwind and open up. Who doesn’t like to relax? Some women are attracted by your looks and some deep eye-gazing. Your personality and your stories alone are sometimes enough to turn a woman on. Many women are attracted to deep conversations, so be prepared to talk about anything and everything.
Putting on romantic music and lighting candles help make the ambience enjoyable. Be creative, and—I cannot say this enough—be yourself.
The first kiss doesn’t have to be magical. In fact, it usually is not. The first kiss should be a tease. Many times, guys get so involved in kisses that they turn a girl off. You should never go for a full sexual make-out unless you’re in a place where you can both get comfortably sexual. Kisses in public should give a teasing, underlying impression that you wish you were alone with her. And the goal is to get her alone, right?
I’ve taken girls home for a one-night stand without kissing them until we were at my place. I even had a girl say, “I’m not coming over unless you kiss me before we get in the Uber.” I promised her that we would do plenty of that at my house. You have to be smooth! If she insists on a kiss, then kiss her. But only give her an introduction to your kiss. Make it short, hot, and sexy so she will want more. Do not overdo the first kiss. With that being said, here are some tips on knowing when to land the kiss:
She’s ready to kiss you if she’s comfortable with holding hands, having your arms around her, standing closely in front of each other, or allowing you to play with her hair.
Get close to her mouth and talk to her. If she doesn’t move back, then go in for a quick tap kiss.
Turn her around and say, “Just come here,” and go for it.
Say, “Wait, I’ve never kissed a girl here before,” then smile and go for it. The “here” has to be an uncommon place that can be romantic, like a bookstore for example.
Grab the back of her head and gently pull her in for a kiss, but don’t force it.
Say, “You’re so cute,” and then kiss her.
Ask if she wants gum. If she does, move the gum stick from your mouth to hers, and kiss her.
Stand in front of her, look into her eyes, put both her hands on your shoulders and yours on her hips, and pull her in smoothly. Look at her lips while you bite yours and go for the kiss.
While lying down or standing up, put your arms over her. Pick her chin up and do it.
Let her be direct and tell you she wants to kiss you.
Going for the kiss and being rejected is a good thing. It’s embarrassing and a moment to laugh. So, when it happens, laugh it off and keep the vibe going. It happens to me all the time and it never ruins the date or relationship. I prefer going for really awkward, random kisses, but that’s only if I want to spice up the moment and make the game a little challenging. If you can be rejected and stay cool, calm, and collected, then she might find this attractive instead of a turn off. So, play it off, player. There’ll be other chances.
Sex is mostly likely going to happen behind closed doors. The more you are able to get a girl in private, the more likely you’ll have sex. However, you should never expect sex as an outcome. If you feel the date or conversations have been going well, you could see if your date would be interested in a more intimate scenario. Here are a few things you can say to see if she’s comfortable being alone with you.
“Let’s pregame at my place before going out.” (Sometimes we don’t even go out after that.)
“Let’s watch a movie.” (Think Netflix and chill.)
“Do you want to meet my dog? Cat? Pet turtle?”
“Let’s order some food.”
To get alone time, here are things you can say while taking her home:
“Before I take you home, do you want to get a drink at my place and check it out?” (Or if she’s into smoking, “Want to smoke a jay at my place?”)
“Got any good snacks at your place?”
“May I use your bathroom before leaving?”
And here are some suggestions for when the night is ending:
“You can stay the night if you want, and we can get breakfast in the morning.”
“I’ll take you to work in the morning.”
“Want to go to an after-party?”
“Let’s go to my swimming pool.” (Make sure you have a pool before saying this.)
Another good tip is to always walk her to her car. She might ask if you’d join her. However, you can expect a little hesitation when inviting a girl to your house or being invited to hers. It could be for one of multiple reasons: either she’s teasing, trying to save face, or really not interested. The reasons are endless. If she accepts your offer, great! You both will be able to get to know each other better. Keep in mind that being in a more intimate environment does not ever guarantee sex. Right now, you should focus on developing trust. Comfort is the key to getting more comfortable.
So, how do we continue to develop trust? You must be calm and unconcerned about whether she will or will not accept your invitation. You must intend to have a pleasant time regardless of the outcome. Sex shouldn’t be the agenda, especially without consent. Enjoying laughing, talking, and bonding are important and lay a foundation for an intimate relationship.
Now, if she denies your offer to hang out alone, continue with the planned date. There will be other opportunities in the future as long as she’s comfortable and enjoys her time with you. Just because she didn’t accept your invitation to a private place doesn’t mean you will not have sex with her in the future. Continue getting to know each other, and if you are compatible, she will most likely trust you more, and the desired sexual relationship can develop organically and consensually. You do want consent, don’t you? If not, walk away from all of this right now.
Many women’s defenses go up when men make them feel they just want sex, but once you let go and enjoy your time together, her defenses will go down. If she’s interested, she may want to take it a step further. Always let her lead the way. Many girls deal with feeling shame and getting shamed by others for expressing their sexuality, and doing anything where she feels she could be exposed will make her defensive. Asking her, “Do you want to come over and have sex?” will definitely trigger those fears. Being a smooth, nonjudgmental guy will aid you in reading and assessing the situation accordingly. No one likes to be judged, even judges.
When you have that first time alone with her, keep these tips in mind to set the right mood:
Put her favorite songs on and jam a little. Dance with her, and have fun!
Be playful. Gently chuck a pillow at her for no reason, and then laugh and hug her.
Open your favorite bottle of wine or drink.
Dim the lights.
Light a candle. Set the mood for relaxation.
Offer a massage. If you have a cool massage toy, use that because a massage could seem like you just want to have sex.
Watch a movie and cuddle.
Caress her hair and massage her head. After you caress her hair, you could go in for the kiss.
Be present, and let the lust take you over. Smoothly and slowly make your way to her erogenous zones if she’s open to it. Keep in mind her erogenous zones can be her ears, neck, scalp, lower back, stomach, fingertips, inner wrists, and more. With a simple Google search, you can read more about this.
Remember to read the situation. If she’s interested and lets you take some of these steps, it is a good sign that things are going well, even if she stops midway. If she does stop midway, you must also stop and respect her boundaries.
The more you let loose, the more she’ll let loose. She will mirror you if you lead.
Be well groomed down there—everywhere for that matter. If you have a hairy chest, keep it looking nice, whether that means trimmed or shaved.
If you went out dancing or for a long walk, make sure you go to the restroom first to clean up. And if you took a shit, wash your ass because smelling bad down there is a huge turn off. Don’t forget to brush your teeth or pop in mints or gum.
If the time comes, always be prepared and have protection at arm’s reach. For example, if you have a one-bedroom apartment, have one hidden in the pillows on the couch and one in your room by the bed. Some girls have a short window for when they are turned on, and even having to go into the next room to get a condom is enough time for that window to close. When that happens, your chances of getting lucky disappear. Not having a condom is an easy deal-breaker for some girls. Once, I had a girl fully naked under the sheets ready to get it on, but I didn’t have a condom in the room. I went to my car to grab one, but I couldn’t find one there either. I ended up driving to a 7-Eleven without telling her and still got lucky. However, it could have easily gone south because of that wait time she had to endure.
Sometimes she will tease you before sex. For example, she might say, “We shouldn’t do this” while leading you on and touching you. Your best bet is to agree, and say, “You’re right. We shouldn’t” and stop. If she continues (by kissing you, for example), keep moving forward and mirror her actions. Let her lead where this encounter goes. Like dancing, let the rhythm tell you where to take your moves.
Touching in this order will make sure you look smooth and get her excited for the action.
1. Lower back and butt area.
2. Neck and boob area.
3.Thighs and her intimate area—jackpot!
Do all these while making out or kissing a sweet spot, but start outside the clothing first. After she’s warmed up, put your hands inside the clothing. When it’s time to remove clothing, do so from top to bottom like in romantic movies.
While doing this, remember to go back to previous areas without focusing too much on them since you want to continue to move forward. Also, if she hasn’t already begun to touch you, you can guide her hand down your stomach and place it on your thigh and then subtly guide her to the gems. She might say, “Not now,” which you must respect, but later in the night she might do it. The more you stop wanting and expecting the experience, the more it’ll start happening. So, go with it. I genuinely always get surprised when it’s going to happen because I focus on the present and enjoy my time with her in other ways, and that’s how you should go about your experience too.
When having sex, you must accept that a lot of things won’t happen smoothly, and sometimes things get a little awkward. For example, taking off her tight bra or pants can be difficult. Sometimes she could queef, or you could burp. A position might be awkward and not work. You guys might drool on each other or bump heads. To handle this, always have a judgment-free vibe and an accepting attitude. Get lost in the moment and forget it’s even happening. She’ll have a magical experience, as will you. And that’s the point, right? So let the magic happen.
That said, if it’s your first time having sex with a new girl, it’s best not to get too fancy. Do something simple: missionary, her riding, and doggy style. If it’s your first time having sex, keep it to yourself until you finally do it. No experience is a big deal-breaker for a woman. So, break her expectations and not the bed.
After sex, make sure you cuddle with her. Most men don’t realize that women are still very turned on after sex and don’t shut off right away. If you’re at her house, don’t leave right away. Instead, talk with her and plan another date. Remember you had a great time with her before the sex. Don’t disappear now just because you had the opportunity to have sex. Don’t use her. Make her feel wanted, because you know you want her. No one wants a wham bam thank you ma’am situation happening.
After all, going for round two is the biggest compliment you can give her. Stay for a while, but don’t wear out your welcome. If you’re at her place, you might have been at a one-night stand, so be prepared to head out after some time has passed, unless she invites you to stay over. Face it, staying and playing is much better than getting kicked to the curb.
After your date is done and you have followed the tips outlined in this article, text her when you get home. Write, “Hey, I’m home safe lol! Hope you had a great time like I did. Take care. Or if she’s leaving your place or wherever you hung out that night, tell her to text you when she gets home. Make sure she arrives safely.
Dates can end up in lots of different ways, though. You need to be ready because a lot of times you might get rejected and never get a text back. You might also get blocked on social media or find yourself friend-zoned. One time a girl blocked me on social media but texted me for two days after our first date, which had ended with sex. I was very confused. Then two months later, she unblocked me and reached out. We went on another great date, we had sex again, and she blocked me. Some relationships are meant to have this dynamic. Remember to be accepting. Women are not always easy to understand, but that’s the name of the game.
Even if a girl is rude, always be as nice as you can. You never know where you’ll see this girl again and whom she’s going to be friends with. It’s better to make a friend than an enemy. I’ve been in several situations where I couldn’t socialize with the new group of girls that all my guy friends were hanging out with because I had been rude to one of the girls. If you don’t want to get locked out of social events like that, don’t do what I did.
That said, I’ve remained friends with some girls after failed dates, and some have even introduced me to their friends. Dating friends of friends is common, so accept that this is the dating life.
No matter whom you’re dating, though, it’s best practice to not lead her on and never lie about your intentions. Keep it real with her. But if you’re really into a girl, don’t tell her until you know she feels the same way. If she is still working out how she feels about you, being too up front might make her think you haven’t taken her personality into consideration and only like her for her looks. This can scare her off. You want to win her over, not scare her away.
After the date, focus on building a great relationship, whether that’s a sexual relationship or a friendship. There’s nothing wrong with making a new, long-lasting friend. But if there’s more of a spark between you, keeping in contact after the date will help that relationship grow.